The Friend

Rodney

Five years ago when she left, for a while, he wrote letters to her. He wrote the letters, of course, with no intention of sending them. After all, he didn't know where she lived in San Francisco back then. He just wrote them to cope with his feelings. In the letters, he wrote about watching her favorite scary movies and how it brought him comfort. Wrote about poems that made him think of her. Asked if she was doing okay in San Francisco. Wondered if she ever came back to New York for a visit sometimes, and they just happened to pass each other by without knowing it. In the letters, he told her how Derek didn't think of him as a brother anymore now that he was locked up. He admitted that now that his father and brother were behind bars, now that Cortes and Michael had lives of their own, now that he was engulfed in his career, how lonely not having family or friends or her it was nowadays. It was so easy to talk to her in those letters.

So what was going on now? Was he 23 again? He couldn't take it.

Why was she standing right here in front of him?

Those letters that he wrote to her, he kept them in the art roll she gave him that one Christmas several years ago. He had so much to say to her after she left. So now that she was right in front of him, why was his mouth glued shut?

His heart was banging so loud in his chest and something was ringing in his ears. It was the saxophone—the music—the wedding was about to commence.

What the hell was she doing here?

He was asking out of fear. The one thing that walked out of his life was now standing at the end of the hall, staring back at him.

Then it came to him. She was friends with Cortes, but Ramona too. Didn't she know that he'd be here? Did she not care?

Did she want to see him?

It couldn't be. She broke up with him and never looked back. That was five years ago. Things were different now. They weren't the same young kids they were back then.

He couldn't talk to her. He didn't know how and wasn't sure if she wanted him too. As well...he was a little resentful that she had left him. He had gone so long without feeling anything that he didn't want to open up that last chapter of his life again. He didn't see the point.

Michael appeared a few feet behind her. Because Alicia's back was to him, he didn't realize it was her. He kept signaling to Rodney that the wedding was about to start. Rodney hesitated. He'd have to pass her to join his friend. He cursed in his head and started walking.

Quickly, Alicia faced the painting as he walked. Her eyes kept darting to the side to sneak peeks at him, but as he drew nearer, her eyes remained cemented to the painting.

So, Rodney held his high and passed her without a word. Michael patted him on the back and together they walked towards the hall.

He couldn't hear the music anymore. And though he was surrounded by many people, he couldn't hear any of the words that came out of their mouths. All noise had faded away.

He bit his lip, feeling anxious. He fought the urge to look over his shoulder for her, but kept balling up his fists in his pockets.

Five damn years had passed and he felt like he was making a huge mistake by ignoring her. Had anything changed?

The ceremony began and Rodney sat with Michael and a few of their old construction buddies. Out of the corner of his eye, Rodney could see Alicia sitting with Ramona and her boyfriend, Carl.

He wanted time to slow down. He didn't want this event to be over and everyone part ways. As the ceremony progressed, his eyes kept reverting back to Alicia. He tried to focus on the wedding, but when Cortes and Priscilla started to exchange their vows, he studied his fingers. He was glad to see his friend getting married. He just couldn't stop thinking how that could've been him getting married too if things didn't end the way they did. He was so willing, for no one else, but Alicia. If only, if only.