Abyss || BTS mafia AU

CHAPTER-17| *Written with tears: Her's"

💔How can something so wonderful bring such great pain?💔

JUNGKOOK,

I am facing the destiny that has gone by. It's like a dream that I can't wake up from. I haven't begun my love yet, but you are gone. I loved you from the bottom of my heart. I don't wanna lose you. No matter how much I think, I don't know how to live without you.

Please, don't let me cry.

I'm staring at the ground. It's swerving in the dark, like a shade. Shatters me again, pouring down on me; THE PAIN. Even in dreams, I'm chained up to the wall. I'm drowning in my memories that are turning back again. I'm longing to face it. I'm going down the road, leaving the world which is lost in dark, behind. It seems like a never-ending road. But maybe at the end, I'll dance in the lights. You'll never set me free so, I'm breaking out of you and I'll do it on my own. The story of my life is running to the end. Let it fade away because there is no other way. After all the thousand times I told you I love you. How could your one word break my faith in you?

Jungkook, I can no longer listen in silence. you pierced my soul while walking out, over the broken pieces of it.... I was half agony, half hope, even some minutes ago hoping a piece of you is still in me. And I was glad that you are unaware of it. But I guess God didn't want to set any obstacle in granting your wish. So he took it away too.

I have loved none but you. Maybe I will still love you with a touch of tragedy and quite madly. I hope that on days when the hours go slowly and time forces itself to a stop, you find yourself with my name painted behind your eyelids and the burning question tearing at your throat.........." what if".....

Actually, that's maybe the thing about people like me who haven't been loved much...I thought about your every kind gesture, the slightest touch of fingers, rare smiles, random acts of love, and intimacy in every small thing you've done in my presence. Even if you never meant any of those actions. I searched for love wherever I can cause it was never given to me freely. I didn't ask for your love, I just wanted someone who will drop the world to pick me in his arms, whenever I would say"Hold Me". And you are surely incapable of that, now I realized.

I wanted to wait for you here until my heart gets exhausted. I wanted you to find me anytime. But no. Now I am starting for the path where we will never cross each other again.

Bold of you to think you can find me back after all the scars you've given to me.

Jungkook, I can't unlove you but I can't love you. You don't understand and you won't, My wrong person, our wrong time. Yes, now I'm even blaming the time. No, I am not afraid of you. The thing I am most afraid of is me. Knowing what I am going to do right now. You made a decision and I am making peace with it. In a sense, I'm the one who ruined me: I did it myself.

💔If there was no "US" then so, don't expect it now💔