Into The Unknown

Chapter 14

It is said that the universe always speaks to us through coincidences and serendipities, well if the universe was not busy expanding itself then I might acknowledge this saying by supposing that asteroids and comets may shift from their path to deliver us a word from the universe.

Recognizing Ayan I went into the state where I was contemplating whether to be happy by the fact that we found the lost guy or be suspicious about him because he’s Zed's friend. I was hoping for someone to vote on our confidence in Ayan and no one did, they were thinking the same I guess. It was Kelly who finally spoke up and when she did I wished for her to be more practical. “Universe is sending us the message. We will survive”, these were the exact words she spoke. Like what? Why would the vast universe be suddenly interested in sending me a secret message which I couldn’t even interpret?

These positive expressions are made to keep people away from dwelling on their issues and licking their wounds. They are made for people to keep moving forward and they should move forward but they should move forward completely by working out their problems and not ignoring them.

“Ignoring Kelly, I say we should go out to Merlin again and maybe Ayan knows more which could help us”, Zain whispered out, loud enough for me, Silver, and Kiet to hear. He ain’t got the guts like me to be straightforward to anyone ignoring their feelings, so he made sure that Kelly won’t hear him when she’s busy shaking her another arm in incredulity.

I think I missed out on something here, how do Kiet and Kelly know Ayan? I never remember showing them pictures of Ayan, leave a picture we never even talked about Ayan with them.

“I’m a survivor too and that recorder in Ulna was planted by me”, Ayan shouts to assure us. Ok, he planted it and he somehow listened to us which makes him more sus. 

I glance around to see Zain beaming out his vote of confidence. I settle on trusting Zain’s judgment, see I can be reasonable too.

Xavier decided to trust Ayan so he agreed in taking the help of Ayan to climb up to Merlin again or maybe his muscles got tired by defying gravity. “Remember that he’s Zed's friend”, I whisper remind Zain again and he gripped tightly onto his rifle and nodded assuring that it will be fine.

“Here we go then”, I say gathering the courage that I lost staying with these people.

Zain took the lead and I followed him, keeping up with his pace I made sure to match his steps. Ayan waited and waited to watch us approaching the ground of Merlin.

Sometimes when I am not sure about my decisions, I listen to my gut feeling, and this time I ain’t feeling. No sickness, no nervousness kicking in, or no urge to throw up, I think my guts are asking for food rather than a consequence.

This little walk on the edge to Merlin had me realize that I was a liar to make myself believe that I don’t care about my life because I fucking do. If I didn’t care about my life then I won’t be running around in these ruins or second-guessing about my confidence in others. I feel like a fucking idiot now thinking about giving into the fire to make my life a bonfire of dooms. This habit of mine, of thinking whatever or I don’t care is irrational. I do care for myself and that’s why I’m always honest with myself, that’s how I keep going. I can and will always lie to others about my candid emotions but I will never lie to myself because if I do then I’ll feel negligence, neglected by myself.

These surroundings do provide that peace that meditates my inner brain cells to speculate the deepest sentiments that I hold for myself. Confidence is key to self-love and being honest with yourself is key to self-care.

Carrying these words inside my head and forming them into reasonable sentences, I didn’t realize that I had to stop taking steps further if I didn’t want to get a hug from Merlin. It was Silver who pulled my arm to stop me from getting a thud smack crash.