While the Sun Shines

20.

While Nick prepared the cacciatore in the kitchen, his mind was spiralling. And once he got into that downward spin, it couldn't be easily stopped. Aside from all the other failures, Nick's bully brain immediately brought up how he had also failed that test at college today, how exercising one time honestly wouldn't make any sort of difference, and how Alex hadn't texted him again after sending a thumbs up to encourage him to have dinner with Blake.

Maybe it'd be better if he disappeared from here too. But it wasn't the location that was causing problems. The problem was him, and he couldn't just flee somewhere and not take himself with him. He'd only make an idiot of himself everywhere. 

At least Nick managed to not burn the food while he got stuck inside his own head. Forty minutes later he brought the steaming cacciatore to the table. Blake had left Nick alone to stew in his own misery the entire time he cooked—he had made himself comfortable on the couch with his phone. When he spotted Nick with the food, however, he perked up. 

"So, what did you make?" Blake asked, eying the cacciatore in the pan. 

"Italian food," Nick replied.

"No specifics?" Blake grinned. "Alright, keep your secrets. It smells great anyway." 

Blake got up from the couch and took a seat at the table. Nick hesitated between sitting down or vanishing in the kitchen or his bedroom with an excuse for a while longer. His eyes darted to the living room door, but eventually he decided he couldn't do that without Blake probably bugging him about it, and took a seat. 

"Phew." Blake feigned breathing a sigh in relief. "I thought you were going to run out on food you cooked yourself too there for a second." 

Nick suppressed a deep sigh. All he wanted to do was shovel the food into his mouth in silence, then go to his room and pretend he was going to study, while everyone and their grandma knew he'd just be watching shows all night. He didn't want to respond to Blake's constant quips. 

"Could we just... not right now?" Nick blurted in his frustration. 

Blake's smile faded slightly. "Not do what?" 

Nick already regretting speaking up. His stomach sank. "I don't want every conversation we ever have to be some sort of," Nick faltered, not finding the right word for it. "...Like covert insults," he eventually settled on. "So could you not?" 

"Covert insults? When have I been insulting you?" 

Nick saw Blake's confusion. He wasn't going to get it. And if he did, it'd only make things even worse because Blake would now know for a fact how much he was affecting Nick, and it'd make him more relentless. Nick briefly closed his eyes, sighed, and turned back to Blake.

"The way you automatically assumed Alex was the first guy I ever took home."

Blake tilted his head to the side. "I still stand by what I asked before: wasn't he then?" 

"That's not—" Nick sighed. "The way you introduced me to Lara as a football player while you knew  I didn't play anymore." 

"I did?" Blake thought about it for a second. "I'm sorry babe, if I did. I've associated you with football for such a long time it's kind of hard not to. I thought you still played casually with the high school guys, but that you had only stopped trying to go pro? I mean, I didn't ask Sem for all the details when he mentioned it." 

How could you think that I could even stand playing casually now? Nick's first impulse was to yell that at Blake... but Blake didn't look like he did it on purpose. Maybe he was just a very good liar, but Nick knew Blake's teasing smirk and he wasn't wearing it now.