While the Sun Shines

24.

After a short night rest, filled with text conversations playing on repeat in Nick's head, he woke up still feeling tired. And filled with regret and anxiousness.

Why had he said yes to breakfast? He couldn't handle that with all the ideas Alex had put into his head. Blake would immediately notice something was off and poke the sore spot like he was way too good at doing. But there was no way he could skip and dash either. All the food would go to waste again, Blake would be pissed, and he'd still notice something was going on except later. Besides, a promise was a promise. 

After taking his time getting dressed, Nick trudged to the hall. The familiar scent of bacon and eggs, which had filled the apartment every morning since he'd arrived, was already present. Blake was up earlier than Nick was, as usual. At least that meant Nick could be relatively quiet and blame it on still being sleepy. 

Granted, Nick was still sleepy right until he stepped foot in the living room and Blake came darting out of the kitchen to greet him. 

"Good morning!" Blake wore a bright smile, like he'd been awake for hours, and he held two cups of steaming coffee. He jutted one in Nick's direction. "Here." 

Nick automatically stuck out his hand to accept the cup, but his gaze darted from Blake's smile to his bare arms and shirt. Well, shirt? More like clinging-to-his-skin tank top. Not wanting to look and certainly not wanting to get caught looking, Nick immediately averted his gaze.

"Thanks. Good morning," he mumbled as he turned to the table and quickly took a seat. He kept his eyes trained on the steam escaping the black liquid while Blake returned to the kitchen. The clatter of plates and cutlery on plates broke the silence in the kitchen. Several trips from and to the dinner table later, Blake had everything set and ready for breakfast. 

"Thanks for cooking," Nick muttered when Blake took a seat opposite him. 

Nick wanted to stay focused on the food in front of him, but made the mistake of letting his eyes wander up to Blake's face again as he spoke to him. And when Nick did that, his eyes also automatically wandered to Blake's shoulders, arms, and chest. He couldn't help it. 

Nick's mind was curious and wanted to answer the question Alex had put in there: is he cute, though? 

Nick silently cursed Alex. He had never looked at Blake like that, and he sure as hell didn't want to start now. But the ideas were put in his head, and now Nick did ask himself the question. 

The worst part of it all was that the answer was yes. Yes, Blake was objectively cute. He had the full lips and the sparkle in his eyes. He was tall, gracefully slender. He had the dark and handsome look with black hair, dark brown eyes, and a nice tan. Honestly, if Blake hadn't decided to wear makeup and bright neon clothes in high school... if he hadn't been openly gay he probably would've been pretty popular. And he was, in a way. He had many friends, mostly women. It was just the football team and other guys picking on him relentlessly, and teachers not really doing a thing about it. Then again, neither had Nick. 

"Hey, are you alright?" 

Nick's eyes shot up to meet Blake's as the latter pulled him out of his pondering. Blake smiled. "You're going through a whole range of emotions there." 

Blake frowned, pressed his lips together, and shook his head, presumably mimicking what Nick had just been doing while he was lost in thought about Blake and high school. 

Nick forced a chuckle. He realised he hadn't grabbed any food yet, so he started piling some bacon and eggs onto his plate. "Yeah, just thinking about something." 

"About what?" 

"Just, uh, school things," Nick vaguely replied, which was technically the truth. 

Blake snorted. "Alright then, keep your secrets." 

Nick frowned at Blake as he tried to remember where he'd heard that before—those words sounded familiar. And then it quickly hit him: Lord of the Rings. But Blake probably meant that meme that used to be very popular. 

"Haven't heard that meme in a while," Nick said. 

A hint of surprise crossed Blake's features, but then a smile spread on his lips. "No, not the meme," he replied. "The movie. Lord of the Rings is one of my favourites." 

"Mine too," Nick blurted before a wave of instant anxiousness set in. 

He'd once made the mistake of accidentally admitting he was into old fantasy in his friend group at school, and was called Frodo for a couple of months. They immediately assumed Nick also wanted to run around with fake elven ears, speak in ancient English, and pretend he was from that world. After that, Nick had always just kept his reading habits quiet and pretended to want the thinnest book possible for book reports along with the rest. It's not like he had a lot of time to read anyway, because he was always at the gym or on the field. 

Blake tilted his head to the side. "Huh. Didn't take you for a fantasy guy. I figured guns and action movies were more your thing. Interesting"

"I like those too, probably more," Nick quickly said in his still lingering urge to talk things right and distance himself a little from fantasy. "Besides, I could say the same about you. I thought you would prefer romcoms and arthouse."

Blake laughed. "I like those too," he repeated Nick. "And don't look so worried, I meant interesting in a good way, babe." 

Blake winked and Nick felt his face going red. He couldn't help but notice this was the third time in two days day Blake complimented him. First his cooking, then his card game skills, and now he was interesting. 

Ever since his outburst about not liking to be teased with football and his sexuality, Blake had changed something. He still teased but it was... nicer. It felt nicer too, but also far more embarrassing because Nick felt himself reacting to it. What if Blake was still laughing at him? Nick bet he secretly making fun of how easy it was to make that dude who used to bully him flustered with a few simple compliments. The classic stupid bully with no self-esteem and no future prospects wrapped around his finger within no time and with very little effort.

"What's your favourite?"

Nick blinked, registering Blake had asked a question about three seconds late. "Uh, what?"

"Your favourite of the Lord of the Rings books," Blake clarified. 

"I uh, I kind of like them all," Nick murmured, unable to think clearly enough to formulate a proper answer than that. 

Blake hummed, seeming to sense this was a dead end conversation. "Okay. Are you going to study at the library today?" 

Nick cringed at the thought of being faced with his zero grade for the test he wrote yesterday. He sighed.  "I will kind of have to if I want to pass my courses." 

 "Well, maybe I'll see you there then," Blake said. 

"Yeah." 

The conversation didn't just dry up; it shrivelled up and died. Nick had chased Blake away again with his awkward answers. Nick's pulse raced as he tried to act normal and continued eating. 

What the hell was wrong with him? Just because he'd realised his bisexuality, and that maybe he cared about Blake's opinion on some level, didn't mean he had to go and check him out and decide he was cute. Nick didn't want to be embarrassed anymore. Not now, not here. He couldn't handle that. Whatever Nick noticed because of stupid Alex, there would just have to be tight lid on it from here on out.