Vampire Heart

Chapter 9

I felt the cold even more bitterly as Damian took us soaring above the white firs to my father’s hunting lodge on the other side of the hill. He had wrapped his travelling cloak around me, bundling me as if I were a child again.
‘There,’ Damian showed me, after only mere minutes.
Teeth chattering, I followed his gesture and saw the stone structure of the old lodge appear in the middle of a clearing. Quite gracefully, Damian descended with me in his arms at the foot of the snow-covered stairs and went searching for the key.
I wanted to ask him so many things, but cold and nerves prevented me from articulating any words. He opened the door and reached out his hand for mine.
‘Come, Irena.’
I hurriedly obeyed, fighting to control the trembling. Inside it was dark and dry, and vaguely smelling of leather. Leaving me standing in the middle of the room, Damian rushed to the hearth where he found wood and flint. In a moment, a bright and cheerful fire sprang to life, shedding light and warmth around us.
‘Come and get warm,’ he beckoned.
I walked over to him and he began rubbing my arms vigorously. New shivers ran through my body, as if unwilling to leave me now that the fire’s warmth was chasing the cold away. I sneaked my hands out of the cloak and reached out towards the flames, flexing my stiff blue fingers.
‘What’s that?’ Damian murmured, he too gazing at my hands.
He slid my sleeves upward, exposing the circular bruises.
‘From the ropes,’ I mumbled, my teeth no longer chattering. ‘I kept trying to free myself.’
‘And this?’
His thumb gently caressed the swollen spot at the top of my cheek. I looked away and shivered, re-living the moment Oleg had struck me.
‘Bastards,’ he ground under his breath.
Damian’s own teeth were gnashing, I could hear the sound clearly, and the expression on his features was hard and bitter at the same time.
‘I’m suddenly no longer regretting taking their miserable lives the way I did. And you stood up to them, my brave girl,’ he murmured.
He took my purple wrists to his lips and kissed the inside softly, causing my heart to skip a beat, only to hammer wildly in my chest afterwards.
Then, he bit into his finger and began spreading his own blood over the entire bruised area. I watched him entranced, no longer feeling the burn. With the same concerned look, Damian lifted my chin and lightly stroked my cheek again, applying his blood there too.
When that was done, he swept my hair to the side, exposing my neck to his inspection. For a wild moment, I thought he would bite, but then, he brought his already-bitten finger to my skin and repeated the procedure over the cut the Gypsy’s knife had left. I had all but forgotten about that one.
‘I saw them do this to you in her mirror,’ he said quietly, tracing his finger slowly.
I looked at him, not understanding.
‘What mirror?’
At last, Damian finished his task, his finger and  my neck by now healed. But he looked away, evading my question. Instead, he removed a leather satchel from around his shoulders and, after rummaging inside, he found a flask of water. He pulled out his lace handkerchief and poured water over it, then began wiping the blood from my hands, evoking my own gesture in the forest.
‘Damian, what mirror?’ I pressed, already guessing. ‘Alzbeta’s?’
Still avoiding looking at me directly, he turned my head to one side and cleaned my neck thoroughly as well. My cheek still remained and, as he began gently cleaning my face, he finally gazed back.
‘Yes, Alzbeta’s,’ he answered very quietly. ‘That’s how I knew you were taken. She made me watch those men hurt you.’
I stared at him in shock.
‘How?’ I asked faintly, under an ominous feeling.
He looked away again, racking his fingers through his hair, his beautiful features in disarray.
‘Let us sit,’ he compromised, pulling me across the chamber to the only table.
In silence, we sat down across from each other. Deeming myself warm enough, I undid Damian’s cloak and let it slide down my arms. This caused that the torn corset of my velvet dress to come undone, the shredded silk chemise underneath leaving nothing of my modesty. Mortified, I pulled the corset’s two sides together in a vain attempt to cover myself.
I could actually feel Damian’s heated stare on my skin, and my cheeks blushed crimson red. Instantly, the memory of the moments we had spent together that night came back to me in full force.
Damian pushed his chair back and circled the table to me. I dared lift my gaze and look at him. He was breathing hard, his features an odd combination of compassion, anger and evident lust. His eyes seemed to burn me from within, and I felt my skin flush under his heat.
His arm moved around me and I thought he would embrace me. Instead, his hand found the long thread binding his riding cloak and pulled it out. Then, he put one knee to the floor and gently moved my hand away from the corset.
‘Let me,’ he said softly.
In a sequence of rapid gestures, Damian threaded the lacing through the eyelets of my corset, binding it back together. When he was done, his smooth fingers traced the upper swell of my breast for the smallest instant.
‘All done.’
‘Thank you,’ I murmured, lost for other words.
‘You’re welcome.’
In a flash, he returned to his seat on the other side of the table. I saw the hand that had touched me tremble slightly. Noticing my scrutiny, he entwined his fingers on the table, his knuckles white with tension. I took pity on him and hoped that my voice would not betray my own nervousness.
‘Tell me what happened at the castle, Damian.’
He inhaled deeply, as if steeling himself. At long last, his green eyes flickering to the side.
‘As you may have imagined, I arrived at the castle earlier today. I wanted to come to you as soon as I jumped down from my horse. But Alzbeta learned I was home and summoned me directly. She had a young squire tell me you were resting, that you were unwell and had requested not to be disturbed.’
He was speaking in low remorseful tones, his gaze once more averted.
‘I told myself I would wait,’ he went on. ‘What was another half hour after an entire hellish month away from you? In my head it was all clear. I would see the Queen, present my condolences, and rush back to you. We would have all the time in the world...’ he scoffed bitterly.
I fought back the tears, the pain of his absence and all the loss returning to me.
‘So I took the bait and went to her,’ he breathed, his troubled gaze flashing back to mine. ‘Irena, I swear, I knew something was amiss, but I chose to ignore my first instinct, which was that of running straight to you. I am so, so very sorry! Had I done so, perhaps none of this would have happened.’
That meant he had arrived at the castle just when I was being taken. Had I only known!
‘What’s done is done,’ I said, swallowing thickly. ‘You found me and that’s what most matters.’
Across the table, I moved my hands to his and slowly disentangled his fingers, twining them with mine instead. He attempted half of grin, but his features shifted to express grim resolution.
‘Irena, in all certainty, I can now tell you that your step-mother is proficient in the dark arts,’ he declared gravely. ‘And I don’t know how I could not see it all these years. I humbly apologize. I am not honoured by this.’
I nodded in resignation, half-surprising him.
‘You needn’t apologize, Damian. None of us knew,’ I murmured in sadness. ‘I too have learned this today. But I fear the discovery only brings forth more dark deeds which still remain unexplained.’
He frowned and shook his head in question.
‘Nana’s death, my father’s...they were no mere accidents,’ I replied with a great sigh. ‘Today, I was alone in the rose garden and Alzbeta simply materialised in front of me out of nothing. We argued and I confronted her. Before having those men take me, she killed Yuri as well.’
After a moment of mournful silence, I added:
‘She also admitted to the rest.’
Damian stared at me horror-struck.
‘She would do murder in cold blood,’ he gasped. ‘She killed my friend and your nursemaid and who knows how many more! By God, she would have killed you too, had I not come in time. And yet I...I did her game like a mere string puppet.’
In evident distress, Damian drew his hands away, knotting his fingers in his hair.
‘Heaven forgive me, I just set a demon on the loose!’ he breathed.
I closed my eyes, imagining the worst.
‘She forced your hand, didn’t she? You made her like you?’
The white in Damian’s eyes appeared flooded with red. He closed them for a long moment and opened his lips, but no words came out.
‘Oh God!’ I gushed, covering my mouth in horror. ‘What...what can we do? We can’t just let her wreck havoc in the castle—and the village, Damian! Those poor innocent people—‘
His eyes hollow, his features hard, Damian stood up and went to the square window that looked to the south. His fists balled at his sides, he was gazing at the dark trees and white snow, the night black and silent.
I wondered whether his vampire eyes could see the castle from here, but I did not ask it aloud. Instead, I pushed back my chair and went to him, taking his fisted hand in both of mine, watching him anxiously.
‘Damian, you could stop her, couldn’t you?’
He did not reply but kept staring unblinkingly at the firs outside. His hand relaxed in mine and we once more entwined our fingers. My heart was racing, raw fear knotting in a ball in the pit of my stomach.
‘She is like you now. You could defeat her, couldn’t you?’ I ventured in a shaky voice. ‘Please, we mustn’t allow Alzbeta to cause any more harm to anyone! If she is like you and also a witch...God have mercy, she can do anything. Who knows what powers she may have—even now she may—‘
‘I will go back,’ he voiced hollowly, as if delivering a sentence. ‘I will stop her. I’m the only one who can.’
Then, he slowly turned his deeply troubled gaze to me.
‘I did this. It is I who must undo it.’
I swallowed hard.
‘When?’
‘The sooner the better. Now.’
‘No!’ I cried in panic, grabbing onto his velvet waistcoat and forgetting all reserve. ‘We just found each other. This whole time we’ve been apart so much bad has happened, I couldn’t bear it again. Perhaps there is another way. Perhaps we could get help?’
Damian shrugged, his gaze far away.
‘Your kind is helpless against a raging new-born vampire such as her,’ he murmured. ‘Mortal weapons are worthless. All the guards could do at most is help evacuate the castle. Other than that...’
I raised my hand and turned his beautiful face to me.
‘I meant another kind of help, Damian,’ I said, staring at him meaningfully. ‘Your kind.’
His eyes grew large in astonishment.
‘My kind?’ he breathed.
‘There are others like you, aren’t there?’ I ventured. ‘Your friend Mariana...the two of you seemed close, maybe you could send her word.’
I could not prevent the twinge of jealousy in my voice. Damian stroked my cheek and smiled indulgently.
‘I wouldn’t ask Marianna for help if she were the last of my kind in the entire world,’ he scoffed.
‘But surely, someone else, then? You must have other friends.’
Damian laughed strained.
‘My kind are solitary creatures, Irena. Long-lasting friendships are hard to keep.’
I frowned concernedly. It was difficult to imagine such a void existence.
‘Have you no one?’ I asked softly.
He simply shook his head. Then, his eyes glanced to the side, as if searching for a forgotten memory.
‘I did have a friend once,’ he murmured. ‘Henri de Chaverny was younger than me and all the more ruthless.’ He chuckled softly. ‘He still writes me sometimes, and each time, from a new and exotic place.’
Curiosity stirred.
‘Is he a lot like you?’
‘No, not at all like me, we are perfect opposites,’ he laughed. ‘Henri is all the things I am not: exuberant, egocentric, violent and easily-bored. In one word, the complete artist. Truly, he is a very skilled painter and quite the musical virtuoso. Also, he possesses the ability to read minds.’
I gasped in wonder.
‘Yes, that has always been his greatest feat, his greatest advantage in any confrontation. I could sense his emotions easily, but they were misleading, so his mind would always be one step ahead of mine.’
‘You seem to appreciate him quite a lot, for all his opposing qualities,’ I noted shrewdly.
‘I certainly used to,’ Damian laughed mirthlessly. ‘Yes, it was a time when I cared for him very much.’
He sighed in reminiscence, his eyes returning to the forest outside.
‘But as I said, my kind cannot co-exist for too long. Henri got bored with me after merely one decade, and he went in search for new challenges on the other side of the Atlantic. It surprised me last year to receive word from him after so long. The letter was sent from Sankt Petersburg, which meant he has returned to this part of the world once more.’
‘What did he say?’ I pressed, still very curious. ‘Did he want the two of you to meet again?’
Damian grinned.
‘He did. He said he had some business in Istanbul, some old scores to settle. But after that, he would be coming to find me.’
His voice became faint and his features hard.
‘Well, that’s perfect,’ I said eagerly. ‘Could you send word? Would he be already on his way?’
‘No, Irena. Do not wish for Henri’s visit here,’ he said sternly all of a sudden.
‘I know it’s less than ideal, Damian, but at least you wouldn’t be alone.’
‘Alzbeta is my responsibility. Your country doesn’t need another monster to roam around and create havoc.’
‘You are nothing like that,’ I mumbled, my enthusiasm extinguished.
Damian laughed in a hollow sort of way.
‘I have spread my share of violence and bloodshed, Irena,’ he said quietly. ‘In my first years, I was nothing but a demon on the loose.’
I gazed at him openly.
‘Tell me about those days. You promised you would tell me your true story.’
‘Believe me, you do not wish to hear it.’
‘I do,’ I pressed childishly.
Damian looked down, then looked up again, his expression set, steeling himself. I watched him entranced.
‘Very well then, but you have been warned.’ We returned at the table and resumed our seats. Damian’s eyes were fixating the table unblinkingly.
‘You already know I inherited the crown,’ he began quietly. ‘After my father’s death, which came about suddenly and suspiciously, I was crowned King of Norway. Only a year later, my own younger brothers decided I wasn’t fit to rule. They resorted to all kinds of low attacks to make me lose the crown, but I managed to unmask every one. I had the support of the people, you see.
‘Their schemes didn’t work and my brothers became desperate. Finally, they pledged themselves to black magic and sold their souls to the old trickster god Loki, in exchange for occult favours.
‘During my last night as a human, blood-thirsty demons were unleashed in my chamber—five of them, one for each of us brothers. Quite fair of them, wasn’t it?’
He was silent for a while and I could literally feel his pain.
‘You cannot begin to fathom greater treachery, Irena, than that made by your own kin, your own flesh and blood.’
I swallowed thickly.
‘I’m sorry. I imagine how awful it must have been.’
His eyes closed in painful recollection.
‘That night, I learned that it was my youngest brother Agnar who had killed father also. The knowledge of so much treachery and deceit made me angrier than I had ever been.
‘Before I had slain the last demon, he turned me. I was a new-born vampire, thirsty for blood and vengeance. You can guess what followed.’
I nodded slowly, not daring to give voice to my thoughts.
‘I killed them,’ he breathed. ‘All four of my brothers and their men...even the younger ones. I was without mercy, without soul. A blood-crazed beast.
‘I don’t remember how I made it out of the old castle. I woke up with the sun the next day, lying as if dead on the fjords. I swam away from my land and left the kingdom in disarray. Coward that I am, I never went back since.’
His eyes opened to gaze at me, the green in them alive and burning.
‘So you see, I know first-hand the true measure of such violence. I was feared and hated. It took me a long time to overcome my past and escape my own history.’
His voice became a sad whisper, his head hung in shame.
‘I have spent three centuries searching for a purpose, for a way to redeem myself. I fought in mortal wars for mortal religions, carelessly adopted one cause or another. But the crimes I did are still with me today, still haunting me. My brothers’ blood cries to me from the ground and will forever stain my hands.’
He looked at his hands, his eyes wide with the horrors only he could see. Filled with love and compassion, I gripped his hands in both of mine over the table and let our fingers entwine.
‘Irena, for the past nine years out of the centuries I have lived, you have been the only beacon, the brightest sun in my grey existence. And I am utterly unworthy of you.’
I sprang from my chair and went to him, seating myself in his lap. His hands circled my waist and I rested my head on his shoulder.
‘Please, Damian,’ I implored in his hair. ‘I understand how much you have suffered. Believe me, I understand your pain and your need for self-redemption, but please, please, cease this absurd quest for sacrifice! You don’t have to go back to the castle and deliver justice on your own. Please. I don’t want to lose you again.’
Damian lifted my chin and smiled, his eyes shedding their gentleness into mine.
‘You will never lose me, Irena,’ he said in a voice filled with emotion. ‘You are my light. I am yours forever, I told you this before. No matter how many lifetimes it takes, I will come back to you. I will always find you.’
His hand stroked my cheek and, very slowly, his mouth covered mine in a soulful kiss, his lips at once soft and gently coaxing. With a moan, I parted my lips to welcome him, and his scent was intoxicating: suavely male and spicy. Damian deepened the kiss, one of his hands now supporting my nape, the other caressing my back.
Rushing heat was coursing through me and I became aware of the new and exciting hunger that seemed to flood all over me. I whimpered when his tongue began to swirl around mine, exploring and demanding. Sensations I had not forgotten returned to me, and I clang to him with abandon, my fingers knotting in his hair, my body moulded to his.
He broke the kiss and groaned as if in pain, his forehead resting against mine, both of us out of breath. I sought his lips again, but he drew himself back and closed his eyes, his features in distress.
‘What is it?’ I whispered worried.
‘Just give me a moment,’ he murmured huskily.
He inhaled deeply twice, then his eyes opened at me, the green in them vibrant and brighter than ever.
‘Is there something wrong?’ I asked again.
Damian smiled crookedly, one finger tracing my lips, now red and swollen from his kiss.
‘I thought I had better self-control, but I was sorely mistaken,’ he chuckled, amused. ‘You will always be my greatest temptation, Irena.’
I laughed relieved and stroked his beautiful face in my palms.
‘Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?’
Damian shook his head remorsefully.
‘No, my sweet, I’m afraid it isn’t. Not now, at least.’
Disappointment hit me hard.
‘Then when?’
Damian caressed my hair, his fingers slow to trail a path down my neck.
‘When we are free again.’
‘Who knows if a time like that ever comes for us,’ I scoffed with bitterness. ‘As it seems, Fate herself is determined to keep us apart.’
‘So we shall prove her wrong,’ he declared, his arms circling me again. ‘We will fight it and we will win. Have trust in us, my love.’
I gazed at him, my eyes already swimming with tears.
‘You said that before.’
‘And I meant every word. Can you do that, Irena? Can you find the strength and have faith?’
He wiped my tears and smiled.
‘Yes, Damian. Whatever happens, I will not give up.’
He realised I did not promise the same thing, and nodded slowly, understanding.
‘I shall take heart from that and find my own courage when I face your step-mother.’
He released me and shifted, forcing me to stand up. Before I knew it, Damian had already crossed the room to the door. Panic seized me again.
‘Wait. You’re leaving now?’ I jumped.
His face was set, his eyes determined.
‘I have no choice. At dawn of the first day of transformation she is the most vulnerable. I must not waste this chance.’
‘Very well, then. I’m coming with you.’
Damian turned right around.
‘Absolutely out of the question,’ he said sternly. ‘You will stay here. There are warm blankets in the upstairs bedroom and plenty of food and wine in the pantry. This is a safe place for you.’
I shrugged, not interested.
‘I am coming with you, Damian, and there’s nothing you can do about it.’
‘Oh yes, there is. Why do you think I brought you here? Right now, I need you as far from that castle as possible.’
‘Why? What about the people? All the nobles, my ladies in waiting, all the servants and the guards. Everyone is still there.’
‘Yes, but you are their Queen, their leader. What follows at the castle is slaughter, believe me. This whole country needs you to be safe and alive.’
‘I don’t care. I’m still coming with you,’ I muttered stubbornly. ‘We’ve been apart before, Damian, and all my close ones died, my entire family. I’m not taking any more chances.’
He inhaled sharply, his hard features betraying his contained anger.
‘I will not argue, Irena,’ he reprised, not so patiently. ‘I have made many allowances in the past, but your life is not negotiable. You will stay here and wait for me or for word from me.’
‘No, I won’t just stand by and do nothing,’ I pressed on calmly, inwardly struggling to find a means to delay his departure.
With sudden inspiration, I smiled sweetly and took his hands in mine.
‘Come back to the table with me, Damian. Did you say there was wine in the pantry?’
I could hear a distinct rumble of anger in his chest, but I ignored it. I would have my way.
As he sat down at the table, I busied myself around the small chamber, searching for the wine and two copper cups, which I filled to the brim.
‘I know you are partial about food, but I’ve seen you drink wine many times,’ I commented lightly, handing him one cup. ‘Let’s you and I share this now.’
The phrase that these could be our last moments together never issued from my mouth. Yet, it was left hanging in the air, burning red before us.
With an almost defiant look, Damian received the cup and held it up.
‘To you, then, my Queen.’
‘And here’s to you, Damian, King of the North.’
After we drank, he nailed me with his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest expectantly.
‘Very well, Irena. Now that you’ve succeeded in luring me back, tell me what you would have me do.’
I smiled meaningfully, trying to convey to him exactly what I would have both of us do, had we been free to do it. He had no difficulty understanding, and he frowned, letting out a low grunt.
‘Aside from that.’
I cleared my voice softly and sipped more of my wine.
‘Well, for one thing, I would have you right the wrong which was so treacherously burdened upon you,’ I said quietly, gazing openly at him and hoping he would know that I did not blame him in the least. ‘And for another, I would have you allow me to help.’
Damian’s teeth were gnashing audibly again.
‘Only that?’ he scoffed sardonically. ‘Your help, Irena?’
I steeled myself against his hard expression, trying not to become intimidated.
‘Yes, my help, Damian. You will need someone to help gather the people and send them out of harm’s way.’
‘As I told you earlier, the guards can do that,’ he countered, matter-of-factly.
‘Alas, Damian, you are persona non grata on Bohemian land. The army won’t follow you but will rather hunt you,’ I retorted with a twinge of fear.
He waved an impatient long-fingered hand.
‘I still have my loyal knights.’
‘Do you? And you suppose they will manage to protect you and help you evacuate the castle at the same time?’
A long silence followed. We were staring at each other, and I could see him struggling to accept the truth of my words. I pushed on.
‘You have many enemies there now, Damian,’ I murmured sad. ‘As soon as you left, the Council forced Father’s hand and convinced him to sign your banishment. It was voted unanimously.’
He looked down, his jaw muscle twitching in powerless fury.
‘Please, Damian, let me come with you. Can’t you see this is the only way? They will listen to me. Alzbeta is no more beloved now than when Father was alive, but many members of the Council owe her favours and she can take advantage.’
‘And do you honestly believe they will accept your authority? You are not yet crowned, Irena, and still an easy prey.’
‘Perhaps, but I have Jan’s support. He has great influence within the Council. He will help us, I have no doubt.’
Damian scoffed ironically.
‘Well I have every doubt. Did you know Alzbeta was carrying your dear Turek’s offspring?’
I nodded, rubbing my fingers in dismay.
‘She told me so herself. She was very proud. I know this means further complications, but we should at least—‘
Then, it dawned on me.
‘Did you say “was”?’
He simply shrugged unaffected.
‘I told Alzbeta her new body could not keep a living child. She was losing it when I left her to come find you.’
‘Oh.’
Damian smiled kindly.
‘No need to feel sorry for her, or her progeny. That child would have come into this world with only one purpose, and that wasn’t motherly love. She would have used him for her selfish reasons.’
I looked down at my cup with melancholy.
‘I know what that’s like. I know how it feels to grow up unwanted and unloved.’
Damian’s features softened instantly and he took my hands in his.
‘You were never that, Irena, on the contrary. You were the product of a great love between two people. Both your parents adored you.’
‘My mother died before I knew her love,’ I gushed emotionally. ‘My father seldom showed it.’
‘He was King, he had no choice.’
‘Do Kings have no hearts?’
‘They do, but they are taught to guard them, just as I strived to teach you also,’ he said quickly. ‘Irena, we come back to the same discussion and I think it is the main core of the problem. You will be Queen, yes. But you cannot be a wise and just monarch if you serve yourself on a sacrificial platter to anyone who demands it. Yet I believe you are merely inexperienced and insecure about your own capabilities. Once you ascend to the throne, all that will change and you shall live up to the name of the House of Jaromir.’
His speech astonished me in that it was the undeniable truth. I blinked fast and squeezed his fingers affectionately, chuckling.
‘Well, Damian, I believe you just offered me the best argument. I need to live up to my father’s name, you say? Then let me go back with you and do so.’
He scoffed hopelessly and racked his hands through his long hair, shaking his head slowly. I grinned triumphantly.
‘Very well,’ he exhaled, his eyes full of unspoken misgivings. ‘But listen to me closely. You are to stay as far from Alzbeta’s chambers as possible, do you understand?’
His voice was once more stern, his features categorical.
‘I understand.’
‘You will gather everyone and head to the capital, where you will wait for my word. Is that clear?’
I nodded eagerly.
‘Crystal.’
‘Good. Now. You mentioned Jan Turek. How certain are you of his loyalty?’
I gazed sideways, embarrassed.
‘I’d like to say I’m very certain, but I would be lying,’ I murmured regretfully.
Damian nodded slowly.
‘I met him, shortly after arriving,’ he said, his tone pensive. ‘He was leaving her just as I was about to enter the antechamber.’
I looked sideways, inwardly guilty for the flicker of jealousy.
‘He loves her, I know,’ I shrugged, trying for indifference. ‘It’s rather sad that the feeling is not returned.’
‘Indeed. Alzbeta always had other priorities. Jan was just providing her with a service.’
I swallowed hard, once more recalling her words to me.
‘You were one of her priorities, too, Damian,’ I whispered.
His eyes darkened.
‘How did you know?’
I shrugged.
‘She wanted to make sure I would lose faith,’ I murmured. ‘She said the two of you were bonded, that she was the only woman who could give you what you most needed. Essentially, she said you would never love me, because I was...frigid.’
Damian was staring at me with a strange mixture of amusement and horror.
‘You didn’t believe such nonsense, I hope.’
I glanced sideways nervously.
‘Actually, I did. If only for a little while, but I did. She must have had me bewitched in some way.’
Damian nodded.
‘Most likely. Most likely, Alzbeta wanted to weaken you so she employed whatever means necessary. But frigid? Did she actually use that word?’
‘She did. Perhaps people see me like this.’
He scoffed.
‘Never. There is a great distinction between shy and frigid; and you Irena are the warmest, most gentle young woman I have ever had the privilege to know. What Alzbeta said to you were mere fantasies. I have never cared for her and she has never attracted me. On the contrary.’
After a short pause, he added with a wistful smile:
‘You are the only one I am bonded to and no other, Irena. I will sacrifice everything to know you happy and well.’
Damian delivered his speech with seriousness and determination. Somehow, I did not feel reassured. It had sounded like a fare well and my heart bled at the thought.
In silence, we finished our wine, then sat gazing longingly at one other. I felt tears approaching and he opened his hands for mine.
‘I’m asking you one more time, Irena. Are you absolutely certain you wish to come with me?’
I bit my lips and answered truthfully.
‘I am certain, Damian. Whatever follows after this night, we shall face it together.’
Damian glanced at the window.
‘It’s close to dawn already. We haven’t much time.’
We stood up and he walked over to me, resting his hands onto my shoulders. His expression ever serious and determined, Damian tied his cloak around me once more, his fingers deft and quick.
My heart was breaking to have to leave this quiet little place. We could have been happy here, away from the world, safe, together. As he stood before me, his eyes bored deeply into mine.
‘I know what you are thinking,’ he said softly. ‘I am thinking it too.’
I sighed and shook my head.
‘It’s too late for us, isn’t it?’ I whispered, new tears stinging my eyes.
Damian did not answer. His beautiful face was a mask of stillness. But his eyes, so green and bright, spoke a million words of regret. Yes, it was too late.
Obviously reluctant to answer, he paced slowly to the hearth and threw water over the small fire. It went out with a dull hiss. Then, he walked back towards me, only coming to a stop when we were quite near. He took my face in his hands and his thumbs wiped the moisture under my eyes. Love and fear raged in my heart and I thought it would burst out of my chest.
‘Are you ready?’ he asked.
‘No, I’m not,’ I gushed emotionally. ‘Damian, we spent almost the entire night plotting against Alzbeta, and you asked me to have faith. But you wouldn’t answer my question just now. What becomes of us? What happens after you defeat her? Will you stay? Do I still have to marry Jan?’
He smiled wistfully, his emerald eyes even more vibrant. His hand stroked my cheek and smoothed back my hair.
‘My sweet, I wish I had answers for all your questions, but I do not,’ he murmured.
‘A month ago, before all of this happened, before everything changed, you said you would fight for me.’
My voice shook and tears overflowed.
‘Yes, I said so. And I intend to keep my word. But how and when, I cannot say.’
‘So then, I will have to marry him, won’t I?’ I murmured miserably.
Damian sighed deeply, his eyes roaming the walls around us. When they returned to gaze at me, fine red vines had invaded the white of his eyes and the green was iridescent.
‘You wish to hear me say no, Irena, don’t marry Jan Turek. Do not marry any other man but me. Do not pledge yourself in body and soul to another, until the time is right, until the Heavens see fit to smile upon us once more.’
Damian’s voce became a heated whisper and red tears gathered in his eyes. He could weep, then.
‘I know you wish me to say these words to you. And I would give my life to be able to say them, but–‘
‘But what? What’s stopping you? What’s stopping us?’ I gushed emotionally.
‘Everything! Irena, I made a promise which I am pledged to keep. I gave my word to your father that I would raise you, educate you, help you become a wise and strong ruler to this country.’
I twisted my fingers around the lapels of his velvet tunic in frustration.
‘And why can’t you keep your promise and be with me at the same time?’ I whined. ‘I am strongest when you are by my side, Damian. We could rule Bohemia together. We could be happy!’
With a sigh, he pulled me to his chest in a tight embrace. I too circled my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek against his heart. It was quiet, it did not pound madly as mine did. I had almost forgotten.
‘No, my sweet. You would not be happy. You have a duty to the state: after the first year of marriage, you will have to produce an heir since it is expected of you. And I cannot give you that.’
‘I don’t want any children.’
‘You will soon, believe me.’
I began to cry in earnest, my tears wetting his shirt and tunic. I knew he was right. I had always dreamed of a family of my own, children whom I could care for, whom I could raise and love. It broke my heart all over again to realise that it was true what he said. But for him, I was ready to give up those dreams.
Damian’s hands were caressing my hair gently, his lips were leaving small kisses on my temple and his arms around me were strong and safe.
‘Hush, dear heart, don’t cry,’ he kept murmuring as if to a child. ‘I’m here. I am here now.’
I lifted my wet gaze to him, trying to convey to him how much I needed him, how much I loved him.
‘Will you be here tomorrow? Can I have faith in tomorrow as well?’
Damian smiled regretfully.
We both know my presence is not agreeable to your Council of Nobles.’
‘I will speak with them, make them sign an annulment to your exile.’
‘These are powerful men, Irena, and you are not yet Queen. You believe they will obey?’
I thought wildly.
‘I’ll speak to Jan. If not me, they will obey him.’
Damian chuckled quietly, tucking a lock of my hair around my ear.
‘You keep saying that. But you see, Jan Turek made the great mistake of revealing his secret to me. He is too proud and too fearful to allow for my return at court. Besides, he is your betrothed. Do you really believe he would acquiesce to my presence here again?’
I shrugged, not indifferently.
‘He would have no choice, I too know his secret. And I know, betrothed or not, it is not me whom he loves.’
Damian grinned crookedly.
‘Perhaps his heart has changed.’
I scoffed, impatient.
‘I saw them together, Damian. Despite everything, Jan loves her. She admitted to me that he was merely a way to a means, but—‘
‘He knows it too, and thus his interest has shifted to someone else.’
I gazed at him wide-eyed.
‘To me? Jan is interested in me now?’ I scoffed again, incredulously. ‘And you care nothing about it? It doesn’t bother you?’
‘Bother is a small word, Irena,’ he muttered, closing his eyes for a moment. ‘In truth, it makes me want to tear him apart limb from limb.’
‘And still, you would have me marry him!’
He opened his eyes.
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘You know why.’
I released a cry of exasperation, my foot actually stomping on the wooden floorboards loudly.
‘Very well,’ I muttered, glaring at him. ‘I will marry Jan Turek, but on one condition.’
Damian heaved a sigh and circled my waist once more, his expression slightly amused.
‘What is it?’
‘You won’t leave Bohemia again. You will remain at court as my Prime Minister.’
Damian’s exasperation was mirroring mine.
‘I would only be in your way, Irena,’ he tried.
‘No, you will guide me and advise me as you always have.’
‘The Council—‘
‘Can be persuaded.’
‘Your Turek won’t approve.’
‘Yes, he will. And he is not mine.’
‘Not yet.’
‘Just shut up and kiss me.’
‘Finally.’
Damian pressed his mouth to mine eagerly, his hand cupping my nape. Much like the first, this kiss was tender and heartfelt, soft and sensual at the same time. His tongue stroked along mine silkily, speaking his silent heart and his love.
Too soon, he broke our connection, his features ravaged, his breathing hard. He rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closing for a long moment.
‘My God, Irena, I would give everything to stay here with you!’ he gushed, his fingers tracing my swollen lips. ‘Both of us safe, hidden away from the rest of the mad world.’
‘I would too,’ I whispered, standing on my toes to reach the corner of his lips and kiss him again softly. ‘I would never go back. I would roam the world with you.’
Damian smiled, his eyes bright with visions.
‘And I would take you everywhere, my beautiful Queen. I would show you all the great cities. Paris, London, Rome...’
‘And Venice.’
‘Why Venice?’
‘My father used to tell me of its magnificence when I was little,’ I shrugged. ‘I was always curious.’
Damian chuckled.
‘All right, Venice as well, but know that its proverbial magnificence has long set. Last I heard, the Doge was struggling to settle a large external debt. Venice’s glory is waning, I’m afraid.’
‘Still, I would love to see it.’
‘Very well, I shall take you one day,’ he said grinning, his lips tracing mine with small kisses like soft murmurs.
‘The day grows late,’ he said regretfully, ‘and our chances smaller.’
We looked at each other for a long moment, both of us encompassing the magnitude of danger to come.
‘We must go back,’ I nodded grimly.
‘We have no choice.’
Together, we stepped outside into the new day. The sun had risen, the forest bathed in its white light, the snow’s blaze blinding to my eyes. It was freezing cold, the stillness of the woods eerie and unnatural. My boot split a small twig in half, and the sound echoed ominously through the trees.
Damian locked the door to the lodge and hid the key under its safe-keeping stone. When he took my hand in his, I was shivering with nerves.
‘Don’t be afraid. I will protect you with my life.’
‘That’s precisely what I’m afraid of. I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for me, Damian.’
He beamed and kissed my forehead softly.
‘Dying for love is not a sacrifice, but simply an act of love. And you, I will love and protect always.’
I beamed at him, unable to speak from emotion. He quickly wrapped one arm around my shoulders, then lifted his head and gazed up to the sky that had become vivid blue. He was staring at it intently, a deep crease between his brows, and I wondered if he was praying to God or silently cursing.
Then, out of the deepest cerulean, a shadow materialised with large black wings and a harsh, coarse cawing. A raven descended loftily, its wings stirring the cold air until it settled onto Damian’s outstretched arm.
I watched mesmerised.
‘Go. Show me what you find.’
At Damian’s short command, the bird took off again and disappeared over the trees.
‘Did you send it to the castle?’
He was glaring at the top of the trees where the raven had melted, the crease between his brows even more pronounced.
‘We should know what we are dealing with before—‘
Damian broke off and let out a loud growl. His eyes became glazed, his features as if in pain. His hands sought mine and his whole frame trembled on the spot. In panic, I put my arms around him to steady him.
‘What? What is it? What do you see?’
Still shaking, Damian drew himself up to his impressionable height, his jaw squared, his eyes glinting yellow like the bird’s.
‘Alzbeta...reigning over a pile of dead bodies in the hall of thrones.’
His voice was low and coarse. At his ominous deliverance, I too began to tremble violently.
‘Good God! Could you see who—was Jan among them?’
‘No, the raven did not look for faces,’ he breathed, deeply affected. ‘But she’s there, waiting for me. She knows I will come and she knows my purpose.’
Everything in me screamed that he should not go, that he should stay here. Yet, he was the only one who could stop Alzbeta from killing again.
‘We have to go. Now.’
‘Irena, I am asking you once more—I am begging you. Please stay here!’ he gushed, stroking my face. ‘Please, my love. Let me go alone.’
‘No, my love,’ I murmured, catching his hand on my cheek and squeazing. ‘I won’t let her part us. I will come with you and I will fight beside you.’
He chuckled in wistful sadness.
‘I never taught you how to use a sword. You can barely lift a blade.’
‘I can try, can’t I? I too have someone to protect.’
‘You have the entire kingdom to protect, Irena. You are the precious one.’
As he spoke, he stole another kiss. Then, he lifted me in his arms and jumped with me so high, my breath left me for an instant. I laughed, in spite of myself.