Vampire Heart

Chapter 22

Johanna took one look at me and shook her head in disapproval.
'No, your Highness can't wear the same dress to the ball tonight,' she muttered and began untying the corset of my red gown. 'His Lordship made me promise. I must make sure you wear the other one.'
I rolled my eyes at her but said nothing. “The other one” was a heavy velvet, deep Persian blue gown, with gossamer white sleeves and trimmings. The corset was blue and gold, the embroidery skillfully sewn in silk.
My maid seated me at the vanity cabinet and began unpinning my complicated coiffure.
‘Shall I leave it loose, my Lady?’
My eyes met hers in the mirror and we smiled.
‘What did his Lordship say?’
She giggled and grabbed the brush, starting to comb through the heavy curls.
‘His instruction did not refer to your hair, my Lady.’
‘You should have asked him, then,’ I teased.
Johanna rolled her eyes.
‘Oh no, I wouldn’t dare. Lord Turek can be very intimidating.’
I scoffed and chuckled.
‘It’s his white hair.’
Johanna thought about it for a moment.
‘Not just the hair,’ she said softly. ‘There is something about him. His entire demeanour…and his eyes are so dark. He’s so serious all the time, isn’t he?’
I swivelled around in my chair and stared at her.
‘Why, Johanna, I do believe you have taken a fancy on the Lord Protector!’
‘What? No—no, my Lady!’
She blushed profusely, and I laughed and gently patted her hand.
‘I am only teasing. Of course, even if you have taken a fancy on Lord Turek, I couldn’t blame you. He is very handsome, isn’t he?’
My voice trailed to a soft whisper and the mirror proved that Johanna had not been the only one with a sudden rush of blood to her cheeks.
‘Uhm, yes, my Lady, very handsome. But rather too serious for my liking.’
‘Is the Captain a man of good humour, then?’
Johanna blushed again and smiled wistfully.
‘He is, actually. We laugh a lot.’
I gripped her hand and squeezed affectionately.
‘I’m happy he makes you happy, Johanna.’
‘He does, yes.’
My maid finished my hair and made me stand up and turn before the mirror. All that was missing was the Graf's present. I had promised I would wear the sapphires tonight.
‘Do you like it?’ I asked her, once the necklace and earrings gleamed in place
Johanna smiled and tilted her head.
‘You are radiant, my Lady. The crown is the only thing that’s missing—’
‘No, I’m not wearing it tonight. It is too heavy and uncomfortable.’
‘A diadem perhaps?’
She brought a delicate little thing, all wrought in silver. It had a single pea-sized white diamond in the centre, barely visible.
‘Yes, it will do.’
The image in the mirror was closer to my idea of queenly attire and, for once, I felt satisfied with how I looked. I could only hope Jan would also approve.
‘Your Captain assured me Lord Turek was informed of the guests’ arrival since three days ago. What is taking him so long?’
I heard the annoyance and frustration in my own voice. Johanna came close to me and took both my hands in her warm ones.
‘He’ll be here soon,’ she said with a smile. ‘Don’t think on it too much, my Lady. Go to the ball tonight and enjoy it. What of the suitors? Did you take a liking?’
I scoffed.
‘The Italian seemed nice, a bit too much, but nice. The German Graf also left me with a good impression.’
Johanna bit her lips. We all knew the Hapsburg threat. And by now, the castle's entire staff had learned of what the Prince's valet had done.
‘The Austrian?’ she whispered.
‘A pompous brat!’
I could not prevent a shiver at the thought of having to give myself and my Kingdom to that bully.
‘It will not come to that,’ my maid said determinedly, as if reading my thoughts. ‘My Lady will choose right.’
I smiled half-heartedly.
‘I appreciate the confidence you have in me.’
‘I am not the only one. We are all devoted to you, your Highness.’
'How is your aunt?' I asked with concern.
Johanna bit ber lips and shrugged.
'She's fine, my Lady, do not worry. She is grateful nothing worse happened.'
'Is she still here? I told Viktor she may return home--'
'She chose to stay and help. She thanks your Highness for the gift.'
I squeezed her fingers.
'Your aunt is a brave woman. I'll make certain such violence doesn't happen again in our house.'
There was a soft knock on the door and we heard Lady Catalina’s happy giggle.
‘My Lady? It is time. The Baron and I are ready and waiting.’
I heaved a deep sigh and took one last look in the mirror. Kol dropped himself from his perch and flew to me. I lifted my arm and brought his beak to my lips.
‘I need you to stay here tonight, Kol. I’ll be fine, I promise.’
I released him and he flew back up to his usual post. I could swear I saw a flash of green in his eyes. With a twist in my heart and a Pater Noster in my head, I left my chamber.
There were many guests already gathered in the banquet hall when I arrived. The herald announced me and the doors opened to welcome me with lights, music and tables filled with food and drink. The walls and columns had been decorated with flowers and the ceiling chandeliers were resplendid with thousands of lit candles of the purest white wax.
Everyone turned to look at me. Elegant lords and ladies of all shapes and sizes were making reverent bows as I proceeded across the hall to the opposite wall were the tables stood heavily laden.
I smiled and greeted left and right, stopped for pleasantries here and there. Baron Yrji served me a glass of chilled white wine.
'My Lady, try this,' said the Baroness, adding half of  sugared strawberry into my wine.
I lifted my glass to them and we toasted to Bohemia.
'This is quite delicious, Catalina,' I said, licking my lips. 'Where did you learn this?'
She winked her blue eye and chuckled.
'An old trick of mine.'
'Aye, she has many of those, hasn't she?' the Baron laughed meaningfully.
She smacked her fan on his wide belly and giggled some more. I grinned at their familiarity. I wanted that too.
The music picked up the pace and volume, inviting everybody to meet in the middle of the hall for the first dance of the evening. As if of nowhere, the Hapsburg second heir appeared before me. I had not seen him upon arrival and it startled me.
‘Good evening, your Grace,’ Prinz Karl von Hapsburg greeted with the same superior nod.
I copied his gesture, my features poker straight and expressionless.
‘Good evening, Prince. Did you rest well after the long journey?’
He smirked and took a large swig of the cup he was holding.
‘I would have, had not my valet mysteriously disappeared.’
‘Oh, how unfortunate. Hasn’t your guard informed your Lordship?’ I said, holding back a grin. ‘Your valet sleeps the fumes of alcohol in the castle’s dungeons after having assaulted a member of my staff.’
‘Indeed?’ the Prince gritted with a slight frown. ‘No, I was not made aware of the occurrence. You may release him. I shall settle the matter in private.’
I chuckled as pleasantly as I could.
‘I’m afraid that is out of the question. The punishment for attempted rape in Bohemia is death by hanging. Unless your Grace wishes to witness such a grim spectacle applied to your own valet, I advise you leave him spend the remainder of the sojourn in prison.’
Baron Yjri grunted in approval, but Count Boreslav, who had recently joined our group, was desperately shaking his head at me.
‘Your Majesty,’ he intervened, ‘I’m told the maid in question was not harmed. Surely, we can be magnanimous in this case?’
I glanced at the Count and my eyes narrowed with suspicion.
‘Such is the word and letter of the law, Count. Need I remind you?’
‘No, of course not, your Majesty. I assumed, perhaps just the once, we may attempt an exception.’
‘You know better than I, Count, that any exception leads to habit. I won’t permit our country to become a haven of rapists and violators.’
The Hapsburg Prince cleared his voice and his grin appeared sincere for the first time.
‘Naturally. My Lady speaks wisely. Not only beauty, but exceptional intelligence as well,’ he said, his pale blue eyes studying me with overt interest. ‘I must say, I am pleased. Very pleased indeed.’
I stared at him disgruntled. My intransigence and severe speech had not discouraged him at all. On the contrary. I had stirred his curiosity. At my lack of reaction, the Prince took one step forward and held out his hand for me.
‘Shall we? You have promised first and last dance, have you not?’
My eyes met the Baron’s and then his wife’s. They both nodded vigorously. So afraid were they all of Austria?
‘Come, my Lady,’ the Prince spoke, bending his head and kissing the tip of my fingers. ‘I see you’ve kept your promise to my German neighbour.’
He gestured to the sapphires around my neck with a smirk. Just then, an Austrian Laendler song began, as if on cue. There was no escape.
‘Yes, my Lord,’ I said, not hiding a sigh. ‘I would be honoured to regal you with my first dance of the evening.’
Under no circumstances I would dance a second time with him. This was it, promise or no promise.
The Hapsburg led me to the middle of the banquet hall and two large groups were formed. We began to turn around one another and swivel, change partners for another turn and back again. In all this time, and for as long as the dance lasted, the Prince’s eyes never left mine. His humid and cold hand kept slipping from mine and I could not repress a shiver each time we touched. To say I disliked him was an understatement. He was handsome well enough, but his character was ugly in a vulgar and perverted sort of way. Marrying him had never been an option, but now it had just become a goal: do whatever it takes not to marry the vile Prince!
Oh, where was Jan?
I could not let any of my true emotions show however, not even the profound loathing I felt for the Prince. So when the dance finally ended, I quickly slid my hand out of his and purposefully smiled and nodded, making steps backward at the same time.
‘Thank you for the lovely dance, my Lady,’ he said, eyes glinting. ‘I am already looking forward to our next.’
I chuckled and shook my hair in that flirting way Alzbeta used to have others do her bidding.
‘We shall see, Prince. The night is yet young. Other young ladies would be delighted to benefit from your skilled moves.’
‘I’d wager they would be. Except now I only have eyes for one such lady.’
The way he stared at me left no room for doubt. I smiled and nodded a thanks, then rushed back at the table where my friends sat.
‘Well, well, your Majesty,’ Count Boreslav greeted, lifting his cup as if in triumph. ‘I must offer my congratulations.’
The Baroness glanced at me and winked her eye. The Baron stood up and offered me a chair, just as a platter of thinly sliced meats and soft cheeses was put before me. Seeing the food, I realised I was truly hungry. Lady Catalina also handed me wine and I drank with perhaps too much gusto.
‘Why the congratulations, Count?’ I asked, spearing a cube of maturated cheese. ‘I only met one of the four suitors so far.’
‘Yes, but your Highness performed extremely well and we can already assume our winner,’ Count Boreslav declared brightly.
‘If I were you, I would be reluctant of assuming anything yet, my Lord,’ I muttered, my eyes flying to the right.
I reconized the Italian Duke approaching by his walk. The Baroness giggled in my ear, muttering something quite vulgar that made me momentarily blush. The Duke stood before our table and bowed low, his brilliant blue eyes never leaving mine.
‘Vostra Majesta, prego, posso avere l’onore del prossimo ballo?’
‘Ma certo, Signor Duca, con piacere,’ I answered with a smile and accepted his hand.
While we danced, the Duke told me a little about his home city of Florence, his studies of physics and anatomy and how delighted he had been to learn Bohemia had taken an interest in his family name. He was a good dancer, better than the Austrian, and at least, his hands were warm and dry. But during our conversation, there was little I found could be beneficial for our country. The Duke was younger than me by a year and his head was filled with scholarly and artistic aspirations. There was of course nothing wrong with that, but my husband and Bohemia’s future King was not just a position in name.
Just as the dance ended, I glimpsed the Lady Andronakis and her son. They were standing awkwardly in the doorway and I excused myself from the Duke to rush to them.
‘My Lady, my Lord, welcome to our feast tonight,’ I said, holding out my hand in greeting. ‘Please, come in.’
The mother grimaced and gestured towards her son.
‘I’m afraid we cannot partake of the celebration tonight,’ the Lady spoke sourly. ‘My son ate something that did not agree with his tender bowels. Your diet is quite different from ours.’
I glanced at the young Boyar and I could see indeed his olive skin had acquired an even greener nuance.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I shall immediately instruct the stuff to prepare something more adequate—’
‘There is no need. We have come down to let your Majesty know we have decided to depart back to our home in the morning.’
I was bewildered.
‘But—so soon? Please, my Lady, I ask you to reconsider. I’m sure we can find—’
‘No, my Lady Queen. I have always had my doubts, but one day here was enough for me to realise I do not wish my family to be involved with such a small and unimportant country.’
That triggered my anger.
‘I beg your pardon? Lady Andronakis, I hope you are in jest.’
‘Not at all,’ the grim lady said, narrowing her thin eyebrows. ‘I find it poor bargain to be related with a vassal to the Hapsburgs. The Otomans at least pay better money. I bid you good night, your Majesty.’
With a scared glance at me, the son followed his mother up the staircase to their chambers. Profoundly displeased, I headed back at my table, where Baron Yjri, his wife, and Count Boreslav were deep in celebration.
‘Count, please see to it that the Greek delegation’s departure tomorrow morning unfolds without further issues from our part.’
Everyone was staring at me dumbfounded.
‘Yes, you heard me correctly. Lady Andronakis just came down and spoke to me. Apparently Bohemia is too poor for her monetary aspirations.’
I seated myself on the chair and took a hearty drink of the wine.
‘What?’
‘How dare she?’
‘The nerve!’
‘What did your Majesty say to her?’
‘What could I say? I cannot make the poor woman stay here if she hates it. The climate doesn’t agree to her health, nor does our food agree to her son’s stomach.’
Most of the Council members around us were struggling to stifle their bursts of laughter, but I still felt irritated at the Greeks’ audacity.
‘I’m quite surprised by their attitude however,’ Baron Yjri commented lightly. ‘Catalina and I travelled to the South of Europe after we wed and the Greeks left us with the impression of a warm and friendly nation.’
‘Yes, they were very hospitable,’ Catalina put in.
‘Perhaps the perpetual Ottoman threat is affecting the peoples’ moods in those parts,’ Count Boreslav added, taking a large vindictive gulp of his drink.
‘They are really not much different from us in that respect,’ I said quietly. ‘I thought we would understand each other, a small nation to another.’
‘How very disappointing that they should state their displeasure so overtly,’ the Baron said with a frown. ‘At least, your Majesty seemed to be enjoying herself in Signor Duca’s company.’
I smiled and caught the Duke’s eye across the ballroom. He was engaged in deep discussion with the German Graf von Eltz. The latter felt the scrutiny and turned around, bowing a greeting from a distance.
‘Yes, I very much enjoyed dancing with his Lordship.’
‘Herr Graf is next, isn’t he?’ Lady Catalina murmured, bending closer to me so she could lower her voice. ‘He is easily the most handsome from all the suitors...’
She sighed and filled her own cup with more wine. I watched the German Graf talk leisurely with the Duke. He was laughing and gesturing lightly and kept turning his head to look at me from time to time. Yes, by all means, he was handsome. Tall, slender, elegantly dressed, smooth almost feminine features and blue eyes. Most of the ladies were eyeing the two gentlemen with evident interest—the Italian Duke was very pleasing to look at as well.
And yet, all I could think of was a pair of dark eyes, a long white face, framed by curtains of long white hair—the ever-serious Lord Protector and Treasurer Jan Turek. There was one hour left before midnight. He would not make it in time. But no matter. The next day, the guests were all invited for the traditional hunt, which would culminate with another feast tomorrow evening. I needed not decide tonight anyway.
Der Graf and il Duca di Piaggio bowed before one another, and each looked for something else to occupy themselves with. The Italian met some of my ladies in waiting and found himself surrounded by enthusiastic cheers. Even from a distance, I thought the poor man seemed overwhelmed with so much sudden attention. I saw his eyes seeking mine and his expression silently screamed for help. I chuckled and excused myself, extracting myself from the table.
I was halfway there, when the German Graf stood before me.
‘Your Grace,’ he bowed, ‘you are a vision of beauty. Permit me to escort you to the next dance.’
‘With pleasure, my Lord Graf.’
I mouthed an apology at the poor Duke and let myself led back to the middle of the banquet hall by the Graf. We danced very much in synchronisation. It was the first time in a long time when I actually felt myself floating across the ballroom, surrounded by other couples, all just as gracious and elegant.
Der Graf von Eltz had something of Damian’s lean allure; even his eyes, now upon closer look, shined a bright turquoise. He was smiling at me, his pale hair floating around his face appealingly. It made my heart skip a beat with unrequited longing. I was missing Damian, but I knew he was somewhere far from here, in Bohemia or not, living away from me, not wanting to return. And I was missing Jan, whom I knew to be on his way back to me, wanting to be with me just as I was. Either way, as I kept twirling and swirling on von Eltz’s hand, I felt strange and out of place.
‘Are you quite well, my Lady?’ der Graf asked, in a moment when the music slowed.
‘Oh, yes, my Lord, thank you, I am well. It has been a long day.’
‘I understand. And I understand how difficult it must be for you, having to choose someone within such a short space of time.’
I looked up at him.
‘Do you know of the Treaty?’
‘Der Prinz mentioned it, yes.’
‘And what do you think about it?’
We twirled around one another and changed partners. When we re-joined, he said:
‘I think it’s barbaric. But whatever the reason, I will always cherish the memory of meeting you, my Lady. I know you will not choose me. I only hope you will not choose the pompous heir either.’
The dance ended so we stopped and bowed.
‘Never fear, my Lord. The Hapsburg Prince is here merely as temporary guest, nothing else.’
The Graf took my hand to his lips and murmured softly:
‘I’m glad, then.’
It was not necessary of me to do it, but I made a curtsey before him and thanked him from my heart. From everyone else, he had been the only one who clearly understood the impossibly difficult situation.
‘Will I see you tomorrow for the hunt, my Lord?’
He smiled and bowed once more.
‘Would not miss it.’
We smiled to each other and he left through the widely open doors. Most of the guests and nobility had already gone up to their chambers. But the orchestra was still playing, and there was yet plenty of food and wine upon the tables. Also, most of my close entourage was present and in high spirits.
I meant to return at the table and simply wait for the festivities to end, when I felt someone’s cold sticky hand grab my wrist and swivel me around.
‘My Lady, now that you’ve done your duties and danced with everyone—least of which that Greek puppet, but he doesn’t count—I am holding you to your word. You must give me the last dance.’
The Prince stood high and mighty before me, his grip too tight, his eyes glinting and red, his breath heavy with wine. Of course, I could not risk a scandal and reject the Austrian heir without causing a rupture into our already frail stability. I needed to be clever about it.
‘Why, certainly, Prince, I’d be delighted to. But first, would you kindly escort me back to the table? I find myself very much in need of refreshment.’
I sneaked my hand out of his and rushed across the hall, dodging lords and ladies still engaged in happy dancing and good mood.
‘Wait, my Queen—you won’t escape me, you know!’ the inebriated Prince’s words kept following me.
I turned my head and saw him bump into dancers, not even bothering to apologise. I continued to hurry along, hoping that once at the table, I can come up with some other excuse and free myself of the pestering Prince.
‘You promised me, your Grace—last dance!’
I glanced behind once more and was startled to see him close in my wake. Damn it—how had he managed to catch up the state he was in? I picked up my skirts and actually started to run, only to hit a wall after a few paces. I looked up and my breath hitched in my throat along with my thumping heart.
‘You came back,’ I gushed.
Jan was not smiling and his eyes, dark and rimmed with dark circles, were hard and intense, taking me in head to hem.
‘I came back,' he whispered.
Our hands found one another as if by instinct.
'You look so beautiful,' he trailed off, studying my whole attire. 'The sapphires?'
I smiled sheepishly.
'A gift from den Graf von Eltz.'
The smallest shadow of a smile lit Jan’s features.
‘He has an eye. Blue becomes you.’
I beamed.
‘Thank you. You however look exhausted.’
‘I rode hard here. I wanted to make it in time and come back to you. Am I too late?’
‘No. I wasn’t going to decide anything without you anyway.’
Just then, the inebriated Hapsburg Prince finally caught up with us and he stopped abruptly and a little wobbling.
‘Ah, there you are, my Queen,’ he drawled. ‘You made me chase after you across the entire hall, you little sparrow—’
His speech faded out into the noise and music of the ballroom. His eyes found Jan’s and the two men stood facing each other, measuring one another. I had never seen my friend look so intent on physically harming another person, but I was certain that, in his state of tiredness, Jan was ready to throw a blow squarely in the heir’s haughty face in that very instant.
I cleared my voice and interposed myself between the two.
‘My Lord Prince, allow me to introduce Lord Turek, our Protector and Lord High Treasurer.’
‘My Lord Turek,’ Karl von Hapsburg said. ‘The invitation I received was signed in your name if I recall.’
‘That is correct your Highness,’ said Jan, by now re-composed. ‘I trust everything is to your liking.’
‘Oh yes, I found nothing to object to so far,’ the Prince smirked, ‘except perhaps your lovely Queen’s slippery manner.’
I exchanged a quick glance with Jan, biting my lips to prevent myself from laughing.
‘I’m certain Her Majesty behaved with utter grace and hospitality to all our guests, regardless of state or rank.’
The Prince scoffed.
‘Not exactly, my Lord. You see, Her Majesty appears to have forgotten her promises—to some of us, that is. Hence, your pretence of magnanimous equality does not stand.’
‘Oh?’
I felt Jan tense beside me. Although he was as tall as the Prince, his shoulders were somewhat wider, which greatly added to his imposing stature. Instinctually, I drew myself to my full height, steeling myself against the Prince’s attack. It was as though the two of us had build a wall together and it made me feel strong and certain.
The Prince however did not recognise the union before him and kept reiterating his obsessive request.
‘Your Queen gave her solemn word that she would dedicate first and last dance to me. So far, she has only by half made good on her promise.’
Jan grinned half of grin.
‘How unfortunate. But I’m certain my Lord can make an exception tonight. After all, there will be dancing tomorrow night as well.’
‘Yes, Prince. We are all tired and it is rather late. I wish to retire, but I’m looking forward to the hunt tomorrow, yes? I bid you good night.’
‘Good night, your Highness,’ Jan also said, bowing slightly.
We turned around and left. And thus, the Prince von Hapsburg remained alone and unsatisfied in the middle of the dancing hall. Truth be told, there were already fewer and fewer participants, and the banquet hall was emptying.
Jan and I said good night to the rest of the Council members and left the banquet hall together. I did not even realise it when his hand found mine. It was natural, so fitting.
We met the Baron and Baroness on the grand staircase.
‘My Lord, how good that you came back,’ Lady Catalina exclaimed enthusiastically. ‘You were greatly missed.’
Her eyes immediately met mine, making it clear at once who had missed Jan the most. I blushed red, averting my gaze.
‘Thank you, my Lady Baroness,’ Jan said from beside me. ‘I too could not wait to return.’
‘All is well, then,’ Catalina smiled, her elbow nudging her husbands’ belly. ‘Come, my dear, let us retire. I’m sure her Highness and his Lordship have a lot to discuss.’
‘Oh no, all I wish is to rest. It has been a long day,’ I put in, as detached as I could.
‘Indeed, I feel quite exhausted after my journey,’ Jan said, stifling a yawn. ‘Lady Baroness, Lord Baron, I bid you good night to you.’
‘Good night!’
We continued up the stairs, our hands brushing one another but avoiding to touch. We were surrounded by other lords and ladies, everyone retiring for the night. The main trouble was, everyone also knew that my chamber and Jan’s were adjoined. We reached my door and wished one another good night once again, our eyes barely lingering.
With a small smile and a nod, I entered my chamber and released a long sigh of relief. At least he was back—so close to me, literally on the other side of the wall.
I pressed my hand over my wildly beating heart. I could not believe how excited I was. How happy. Yes, that was the word. I was happy Jan had come back, finally come back after almost three weeks. I was anxious to speak to him. Had he found Damian as he promised? Would he come see me one last time?
As pressing all those questions were, my giddiness for knowing Jan back overruled everything else. I wanted to talk to him. I needed to see him—now, not in the morning. I could not wait until then.
I was pacing my chamber up and down, working my lips, fidgeting with my fingers. I stopped in front of the vanity cabinet and removed the small diadem with shaking hands. From up on his post, Kol gave a mild cawing. I looked up and scoffed.
‘Isn’t it clear enough?’ I muttered. ‘I care for him deeply. Whatever your master’s answer may be, Jan dwells in here.’
I moved my hand over my heaving chest once again, pressing in, trying to will my heart to still. It would not obey, so I turned on the spot and continued pacing. Reaching the door, I tilted my head and listened carefully. The noise and voices of the others retiring to their chambers had dimmed considerably. I could still hear the noises from downstairs in the hall, where the servants had began gathering the tables and cleaning the floors.
I burned to go to him, but something still kept me rooted to the spot. What if it was all in my head? What if Jan did not reciprocate my feelings?
Then, I remembered our kiss in the garden and all doubts vanished. I was determined to do this. I would go to him. My hand closed around the handle and I pulled open the door with unnecessary force. Before me stood Jan, eyes onyx-black, features set in the hardest, most definitive determination I had ever seen.
‘I—I was coming to find you—’
He did not let me finish the sentence. In the next moment, his mouth had met mine, our bodies colliding deliciously. Stepping over the threshold, he pushed the door shut with one hand, the other coiling around me tightly.
Jan moved us across the chamber and closer to the bed.
‘I missed you so much!’ he breathed against my lips.
He broke the kiss only for a fraction, enough that his blazing stare could bore into mine.
‘Was it true what the Baroness said? Did you miss me too?’
I sought his lips again and sank into him, relishing the warmth of his mouth, the absolutely delicious dance of our tongues together.
‘Yes, Jan, I missed you. A lot,’ I murmured, my hands knotting in his long white hair and pulling slightly.
‘Irena,’ he whispered softly, hiding his face on my shoulder, his arms drawing me to his chest in a tight embrace.
We tumbled over the bed. He was hovering above me, his eyes wide and almost amazed, drinking me in. His hand trailed from my swollen mouth to the side of my cheek, then lower on my neck, down to my heaving corseted breasts.
‘I need to touch you,’ he breathed.
‘Yes please—’
I heard myself speak, but the voice was not mine. It was another Irena, a new and brave one—a new Irena who wanted to give herself to this man, this white-haired god of strength and wisdom. My fumbling hands worked shakily to unfasten the binding of his coat and the frilled neckline of his silk shirt. He wanted to touch me and the feeling was entirely reciprocated. I needed to touch his skin, to feel the texture. I had only seen Jan naked from the waist up when Alzbeta had maimed and tortured him months ago. Since then, he had always sported the most severe and uptight dressing manner. Except those times when he had been tormented by nightmares and I had burst into his chamber to wake him. It was obvious now why I had done so.
‘My corset—it’s laced at the back—’
After another lengthy and thorough kiss, Jan pulled me up and turned me on the bed, my back to him. We were both out of breath, flushed and heaving. I felt his fingers trail upwards to my nape. He parted my hair and deposited a soft kiss on the sensitive skin there. It caused shivers to run down my body and I felt myself turn soft and boneless in his arms.
‘Not yet, my love, not yet,’ he whispered hotly, his lips kissing the shell of my ear.
He pushed me gently forward, enough for his hands to begin the laborious task of unlacing my corset. But he had performed this activity before, had he not? I knew him to be quite skilled at it. So why was it taking so long now? Why were his usually sure fingers unsure and trembling?
I turned my head over my shoulder and glanced at him. Jan was concentrating on the laces, his lips a thin line, his features furrowed.
‘Do you need help?’
He grinned crookedly, his eyes avoiding mine.
‘In my haste, I think I may have made a knot,’ he admitted sheepishly.
I burst into laughter, corset half undone, hair loose, fears quenched all of a sudden. I turned to face him fully.
‘We’ll have to manage, then.’
I undressed his jacket and waistcoat and pulled the shirt out of his leather trousers. In one sweeping movement, he removed it and sat quiet and tense before me. I let my eyes trail lengthily over his upper body. His skin was fine and with no blemishes, pale and quite smooth. He had well-defined muscles testifying of the heavy sword training I knew he underwent regularly.
‘Touch me,’ he rasped, his chest panting.
My hand went straight for his heaving breast and his heart was pounding beneath my touch. Just above his collarbone, there were two faint puncture marks, the marks of the vampire. Alzbeta had bit harshly and violently. My heart ached at the sight of more such scars on the side of his neck, his upper shoulders, his back—when I forced him to turn so I could see.
‘There are more of them,’ he said softly. ‘Do they repel you?’
I smiled and kissed the scar at the base of his neck.
‘You are beautiful,’ I murmured, looking into his eyes, awaiting his kiss.
It came hungrily and open-mouthed, with breaths shared and insufficient. His hands circled me and the caressing became kneading and squeezing of flesh. He tore off the corset in a desperate gesture of frustration. I heard the lacing pop, the velvet tearing at the seams. Too bad, I had liked this dress.
He pushed me once again on the bed, his mouth never leaving mine, his hands urgent over my body.
‘I need to feel you—’
My skirts were lifted, my legs and thighs exposed.
‘Your skin...like velvet,’ he breathed against my lips.
I felt his hand shimmy up on the inside of my leg, under the chemise, under the pantaloons. We were both holding our breaths the moment when he felt me at my most intimate place. I thought I would die of embarrassment, I had felt myself throb and grow progressively more slick. I did not know what it meant, if Jan would find it unpleasant. Instead--
‘Oh God, Irena—’
His kiss resumed with greater fervour and, mortifyingly, I felt myself turn into hot flowing lava. His fingers began a circling wet caress and I released an imploring moan into his mouth.
‘What are you doing to me?’
‘Hush, love, you’ll enjoy it, I promise.’
One finger entered me and I gasped, my eyes wide at the intrusion and how good it felt.
‘Jan—’
‘If you keep moving you hips like that, my finger won’t be enough.’
I stared at him and blushed profusely, realising what he meant and, even more surprisingly, that I wanted what he meant.
‘Do it. Give me yourself,’ I heard myself say and pulled him on top of me, parting my legs for him.
He gave a low grown and closed his mouth on mine. I heard him unloosen his trousers hurriedly, never breaking contact.
‘Are you sure about this?’ he managed through kisses. ‘Someone may come in and catch us—’
My fingers splayed over the smooth planes of his naked chest. I heard his words, registered their meaning, but I simply did not care. For once, I wanted to be selfish—to be allowed to be selfish.
‘No one’s going to come in—please, Jan—’
He caught my plea in another desperate kiss paired with a hungry growl that came from deep inside him. Beneath my hand, his heart was hammering so fast, mirroring mine. And then, I felt something thick and soft pressing against me intimately. The touch was slick, but the pressing too large and persistent. No way would I be able to accommodate him.
‘Irena, look at me.’
I did and Jan was my entire universe of heady eyes and white hair.
‘I will never hurt you. Do you trust me?’
Mesmerized and crazed with raw yearning, I nodded stupidly.
‘I trust you, Jan.’
He gave another low moan and his eyes gazed deeply at me, just as his hips were giving shallow thrusts inward. I felt the smarting flesh give way, felt even more fullness, felt Jan’s whole body trembling with tension over. And then we both felt something else, something cold and familiar at the same time, like a sudden gust of wind.
The door to my chamber shut noisily and Kol swooped down over us, cawing loudly. Jan and I jumped up startled, our eyes wide and disbelieving on the figure that now stood in the middle of my chamber. My heart sank, my stomach turned.
‘Damian!’
After months, Damian, my Damian, stood there still as a statue, emerald-green eyes glowing in the firelight. His features were unreadable, but his tall lean frame was shimmering, the edges slightly blurred with repressed tension.
‘So this is why you asked to see me?’
Jan shielded my nakedness with his own, giving me enough time to attempt to cover myself.
‘No, don’t bother. I think we’re past all modesty at this point.’
Jan stood up and faced Damian, an impenetrable look on his face.
‘You have no business here, Halvard.’
‘As a matter of fact, Turek, I have. Didn’t you leave word that your bride wanted nothing to do with you before she spoke to me? As I can clearly see, it was a lie.’
I sprang down from the bed, my dress precariously covering my breasts, and walked to him. Jan grabbed my arm to keep me still.
‘No, Jan!’ I rounded on him, then wrenched myself free and went to Damian.
Ignoring the look of dazzled hurt on Jan’s face, I stopped inches away from Damian’s hard silhouette. Only seeing him now, here, in my own chamber, did I realise how much I had missed him. But his apparition tonight of all nights was wrong, so wrong!
‘Damian, listen to me. This is no treachery. Please. I only wanted to see you—talk to you—’
My eyes were gazing at him, drinking him in. I had never forgotten him, how breathlessly beautiful he was, how otherworldly. I had dreamed of the moment of our reunion every day and every night since he had left. And now it was happening in the worst possible way. The look in his shimmering eyes was unforgiving, his features hard as stone. If I ever had any inkling of hope, his eyes were wordlessly tearing it to shreds.
‘I am asking you again. Why did you send for me, Irena?’
Even his voice—so warm and soothing once—was low and severe now. I began to shiver with fear.
‘I—I only needed to see you—one last time—be-before I—’
‘Before what? Give yourself to your Lord Protector?’
His words were bites leaving open wounds on my flesh.
‘N-no, I just wanted to—to know if—’
‘If what?’
I felt Jan coming to stand beside me, his arm around my shoulder protectively. Strangely, I felt less alone with him near.
‘For God’s sake, stop tormenting her, Halvard, and let her speak,’ he muttered with repressed anger.
‘Her stammering is wasting my time, Turek. I know what she needs to know. Am I still cursed. Is that it, Irena?’
I had never in my life heard Damian’s voice dripping with so much contempt. I made myself look up at him, forcing myself to commit to memory his stony features.
‘Yes.’
Damian grimaced and rolled his eyes.
‘No, I am not cursed anymore.’
I could not hold in a sigh of faint hope. His smirk became a snigger, uncannily reading my mind, no doubt.
‘Then, does that mean you are free?’
‘Yes. I am free to do anything, go anywhere, fuck anyone.’
I gasped, appalled at his swearing. He had never spoken to me in that way before. Jan too tightened his grip on my shoulder.
‘You will control yourself in the presence of her Majesty, Halvard!’
‘Or what?’
‘Or I will make you!’
Damian laughed.
‘I thought I came for a friendly discussion, but instead I am witness to a pathetic melodrama in which I have absolutely no interest to partake. So, Irena. Is there anything else you wish to know?’
I felt the floor splitting under my feet. This was it. He was going to leave and this time it would be forever.
‘I—yes—there is something else—’
Jan was holding me against himself so tightly, as if afraid I was about to flee.
‘And what’s that, pray tell?’ Damian scoffed with a bored air.
I took a large steadying breath and closed my eyes.
‘Do you still lo—feel something for me?’
Jan’s fingers were painful on my shoulder. There was a long moment of silence and I kept my eyes shut tightly, afraid to look at him. Then, the sentence came, cold and unfeeling.
‘No. No, I do not.’
The earth opened and I fell into the deepest pit, the cupful of venom drunk to the very last drop, the poisoned apple eaten to the core. I was buried alive.
‘Why do you do this to me?’ I breathed, feeling myself lose balance.
Jan lifted me in his arms and carried me back to the bed.
'It was you who asked, Irena. I provided an answer.'
Kol kept cawing noisily above the posters of my bed.
‘I think it’s time for you to go, Halvard,’ I heard Jan say in a hard voice, ‘and take your bloody bird with you. We don’t need either of you here.’
Damian glanced up and held out his arm. Kol ceased his caws and perched himself comfortably, recognising his true master.
‘Very well then. My Lord Turek, your Majesty. It was a pleasure.’
I raised myself on my elbow, reaching out for him.
‘Wait—Damian—’
But he was gone. He had come, had answered my questions and he had left. The cold truth was like a large block of ice refusing to slide down my throat.
I felt numb. I felt sick. This could not be happening. We had been together ten years. He knew me. I knew him. It could not end this way. I refused to let it end this way.
I was vaguely aware of Jan speaking something to me, saying things like “it’s better this way” and “leave him be,” but I was not hearing any of it. All I knew this was terribly wrong and I had to fix it somehow.
I jumped out of bed once again, did not bother with the half-loose corset but simply grabbed my large black travelling cloak and swung it over myself in one movement.
‘What are you doing? Where are you going?’
Jan was screaming alarmed, running after me down the corridor and the staircase, then out into the courtyard. The night watch stood to attention, saluted, and let us pass. I crossed the outer yard with Jan at my heel and stopped out of breath outside the castle walls on the pathway that led down into the village. All was quiet around me, my breath, Jan’s and the crickets in the grass the only sounds. The June night sky was filled with stars and a waning moon at its peak.
‘Damian!’ I called, my voice high and shrill across the landscape.
‘No, Irena, don’t—’
‘DAMIAN!’
I moved left, taking the narrow hilly path that lead to the pine forest, half-trudging, half-sprinting. Jan kept stubbornly at my side. The half hour walk to the forest’s edge we did in utter silence. I could not find anything to say and nor did I want to. I did not know why, but the night’s events felt too much of a treachery to me—as Damian himself had implied.
When we entered the forest, I called Damian’s name again. It was very dark and the pathway disappeared amidst the trees after a few steps. Even if I was not alone, it was unwise to continue. He was not here. He had truly left. Again.
I stumbled on something hard and fell to my knees.
‘Irena!’
Jan put his arm around me in the next instant.
‘Are you all right?’
I removed his hand in a gesture almost of hatred.
‘Did you do it on purpose?’ I muttered with undisguised fury.
‘What are you saying?’ Jan seemed taken aback.
I gathered myself up from the forest floor and shook dead leaves and small twigs from my cloak. I stood right in front of Jan and stared at him through the semi-darkness.
‘Did you plan this? You never did tell me about your journey, about your dying father. How is he, by the way?’
Every word I spoke was heavy with spite. Jan stood his ground, breathing hard.
‘My father is hopefully getting better, thank you for asking,’ his tone too was now harsh and defensive. ‘My journey lasted so long because I had to make all the necessary preparations and send him south so he can recover in gentler climate.’
‘Ah, I see. And when in these three long, full-of-preparation weeks did you also find the time to pay a visit to the vampires’ known-only-by-you hideout?’
‘In the first part of the trip, if you must know,’ Jan answered through gritted teeth.
‘Why, yes, I must, Jan. Because you see, I find it rather suspicious that Damian would appear tonight of all nights, directly in my chambers, and at the exact moment when you and I were engaged in the most intimate act!’
Through the darkness of the forest, I could only guess Jan’s eyes, barely seeing the whites glinting in the faint starlight. The short tense silence that preceded his answer felt even more suspicious.
‘Good God, Irena, how low do you think me? I would never do such a thing!’
I scoffed quietly and shook my head, closing my eyes in defeat.
‘You would never do such a thing indeed...’ I trailed off.
I set off up the pathway back towards the edge of the trees. My steps were the only sound for a few long moments, so when I turned to look, Jan had lingered behind in the place where I had tripped. He had seated himself onto a fallen log, shoulders slumped, head bowed low. I gazed at him in silence, my feelings a mixture of anger and disappointment, combined paradoxically with fondness and pity. Whatever else he may have done, I remained fond of him, possibly even in love. For goodness’ sake, I had been ready to give myself to him just hours before. And yet, I clearly felt that something between us had broken irremediably.
So I walked back and stood before him. Jan lifted his head, and the pale light was making his hair shine silver.
‘I’m sorry this happened, Irena,’ he murmured. ‘I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry.’
It was not an outright admission but as close to one I would ever get.
‘You being sorry cannot change anything, can it?’ I shrugged. ‘It is what it is and we must face the consequences. By tomorrow morning, everyone would have learned that the Queen and her Lord Protector stormed out of the royal chamber together and returned together after a walk under the moonlight. I am already irrevocably compromised. We might as well wed and be done with it.’
‘I didn’t want for things to go awry this way,’ he whispered.
‘No, I daresay you didn’t. Come. Let’s go back.’
I turned, not waiting for him, and started down the pathway once again. By the time I reached the edge of the trees, Jan had caught up with me.
As fortold, we returned to the castle together after a midnight stroll under the light of moon and stars--that we did so in the worst sentiments possible was of course irrelevant. The watch saluted again and a few other servants who were already risen to prepare the next day’s hunting outing stared at us meaningfully.
Indeed, everyone knew by mid-morning that the young Queen and the Lord Protector with the white hair had spent the night together. The deed was done, purpose achieved, unintentionally or no.

I find it unimportant now, after so long, to write more about the days that followed Damian's impromptu visit. In short, Jan and I made the announcement of our upcoming union the very next day. The foreign suitors were rewarded for their troubles and in turn, Bohemia kept all the gifts which were transformed into wedding tokens from the part of the respective noble families.
No need to describe either how ill the news seemed to fall upon the pompous ears of the Austrian Prinz Karl von Hapsburg. He took it with a brave face and a congratulatory word from the corner of his venomous mouth. I did not care for it, it did not affect me.
Jan and I got married a month later. It was a rich and happy event for the entire country. The festivities lasted three days and three nights and the walls of the castle itself seemed to sing and resonate with joy. The Queen was finally taking a husband. Thank God and all His saints--praise Him--Hallelujah!
What of my marriage to your father, you ask? It was as good as could be expected. I loved him dearly. After my initial resentment of him waned--yes, it did after a time--I learned to love and appreciate him anew. He was nothing but kind and gentle, both as a lover and as a father. The joy that made his black eyes shine the day I announced my first pregnancy is still committed in my memory as one of the most precious gems.
When your eldest brother was born, Jan was there beside me through the entire ordeal. He refused to leave. The babe was first brought to him and then to me to nurse. Thus, our years as parents began and with them, new adventures and new joys.
Your second brother came after two years and then you, my dearest Liliana, less than a year later. These beautiful times I lived as my children's mother have been my true redeeming blessing. We have had peace in our land and many summers of good crops. Your father and I have felt nothing but the highest pride and joy at seeing the three of you grow and thrive.
When Jan left us last year, I sensed it would not be long before I follow him. I know it is still too soon for me to leave you, and I wish to God I could stay for some time and watch you bloom into the loveliest flower. Who knows, perhaps He that sees all may yet take pity on me and allow me another day, or another week, or at least another month. I cannot hope for more.
I do not want you to cry for me. Or try not to. Know that you and your brothers have been loved and will continued to be loved from beyond the grave, always. These pages are not a farewell, my child. They are my memoires and my deepest confession I have never been able to speak aloud since that night. Because, in truth, I never forgot Damian. Never. Not even when I eventually became someone else's wife, not even when I bore that someone three children. I never forgot Damian when I slept, when I stood on the throne, Jan Turek beside me as King Consort. I loved Damian when I was laying my head at night and he was the first thought in the morning. I loved him when I was making love to my husband, and I loved him when I was nursing my babies.
So now, you alone know of this. Your father may have suspected; if so, he never said anything to me. The vampire's name became taboo at Karlstejn from that night onward, except in the deepest most secret chambers of my heart where it stands engraved to this very day.
You, my daughter, are the only one who will bear the knowledge. You have free reign to do with these pages as you wish. Tear them to pieces or burn them. They are simply my story, nothing more.
Now I...must lie down. Even with poor eyes, I can see the letters on the parchment growing more askew...my hand is shaking so hard. It has been a long day. I look forward to see you tonight. I cannot wait to hear more about your new friend Lord Pavel. He is rather handsome, is he not?
Love,
Mama.