Slipping Through My Fingers | Xicheng

Chapter 7

Forgiveness is at the same time the easiest and the most difficult thing to obtain in life. The mind might forgive but the heart will not.

***

Although Jiang Cheng was allowed to leave the infirmary after five days he still needed some rest. His exterior might be looking alright, but his poor heart and mind have been poisoned with the feelings of insecurity and hurt.

"I swear Jin Ling, if you will try and force one nore gooddamn spoon of soup down my throat I am fucking gonna break your leags!" He complained, pushing away the food. At this rate his stomach might as well be made of soup and soup only.

"But Jiujiu, you need to eat in order to be well nourished and regain your health."

Jiang Cheng sighed. "I can assure you, A-Ling, that I have already eaten more than net. necessary during this breakfast. A bit more and I will puke my guts out."

The boy pouted, but accepted his defeat, taking the food tray away from Jiang Cheng.

"You know uncle, that I will always be on your side no matter what, right?" He asked, biting his lip nervously.

A-Cheng looked at his nephew skeptically, but nodded nevertheless in affirmation. "Yhmm, and what about that?"

"You know I.. I wouldn't want to play th..the devil's advocate, but you se.. see.." he stuttered anxiously. Something he rarely did, unless he was really nervous about something.

"To the point, A-Ling," he rushed him a little bit, knowing it's better for the boy to say it quickly, than to drag it.

Jin Ling took a deep breath. "Zewu-jun has been kneeling in front of the main gate for the past five days without eating or drinking, begging for you and A-Tian to hear him out, but cousin told him to fuck off."

Jianng Wanyin looked sincerely surprised. He noticed that his son was more uneasy than it was necessary, but he wasn't expecting such a revelation. On the other side it pained him to know how much resentment towards Lan Xichen was in their son. He himself was deeply hurt and didn't know what to do anymore. He debated about the divorce for a long time before taking action, still holding some hope that his A-Huan would come back to him.

And now that he was really here Jiang Cheng wasn't sure how to act. Was he supposed to forgive him as if nothing ever happened and move on? Would he be able to live just fine, or will he hold a grudge towards him just like his mother always resented Jiang Fengmian for bringing Wei Wuxian into their house against her objections? He was utterly confused, but he knew that he could run away from his problems just for a moment, because they would eventually catch up to him.

"Tell the guards to let him in," he commanded, looking at A-Ling.

His nephew's eyes widened in surprise. "Are you sure? A-Tian-"

"I will deal with him later," he interrupted. "Go now, before I change my mind."

Jin Ling rushed out of the room, leaving the door widely open. "Brat. He has no manners."

"I will never forgive him for abandoning us, no matter what his excuses are." Jiang Cheng got startled by the sudden appearance of Ren Tian. "You can take him back, but I won't."

He stood at the window and looked out into the distance. He didn't enjoy being so stubborn, but he refused to be hurt again. Losing so many people in his life took a toll on him, although he never spoke about it aloud. Bewilderment, that's what he felt while thinking about the fact that Jiang Cheng also lost his relatives, his whole sect, and despite all of it he went on with his life, strong as never before.

He tried to be like him. He tried not to crumble under the weight of the loss. But now, seeing his father in bed, after he tried to take his own life, A-Tian felt too vulnerable. He refused to show weakness, he had to be strong. That's why building a wall around himself felt like the best solution, but now that wall started to fall piece by piece.

"You know," Jiang Cheng began. "No matter how matters evolve between him and me, he will always be your father. He loves you."

"I thought that too, but not anymore. He left not only you, but also me. At the beginning I was able to understand him, I knew he needed some time to think about all that had happened. But then he chose to forget about us, and... and I have lost another parent," he choked out a sob, not being able to look Jiang Cheng in the face. "And because of him you... I almost became an orphan once again. I felt like that little boy surrounded by the ruins of his home that was has been lost flames, crying for his A-Niang and A-Die to open their eyes."

Jiang Cheng's heart broke at the sight of his son in tears. He doesn't remember the last time he saw him so vulnerable. A-Tian was always more of a person that shows his affection through small gestures and actions, than one that talks openly about his feelings.

He couldn't bear it. Although still a bit weak, he stood up and as fast as he could, he made his way across the room, instantly wrapping his arms around his son's body.

"I am sorry, I am so incredibly sorry," he whispered, kissing his head. "I love you so much. I am sorry."

"No. It's not your fault. You have the right to feel however you want, so do I and everyone else. We sometimes have the right to be a bit selfish and to put ourselves first, but it doesn't mean that our actions won't hurt others."

"My sweet child. Why did you grow up so fast, hmm?" He turned A-Tian around for him to face him, and cupped his cheeks in his hands. "I remember you running naked on the piers as if it happened yesterday."

Ren Tian groaned, his cheeks flushing red in embarrassment. "We agreed not to bring that up ever again."

Jiang Cheng smiled and kissed his forehead. He will always be his little boy.

"Anyways, let's go to the Reception Hall. Zewu-jun is no longer part of this family, he has no right to step into the private rooms."

Jiang Cheng nodded slightly, not wanting to anger his son. "Okay. Just give me some outer robes." He chuckled, simply pointing out that he was still in his nightwear.