Slipping Through My Fingers | Xicheng

Chapter 18

Was it right for Jiang Cheng to find peace of heart so easily? Was it right for him to forgive just in a span of a couple of months? Before he knew it the first flowers started to bloom with the arrival of spring and the weather became warmer, making the last bits of snow melt away. Soon enough Lotus Pier will get decorated with reds, flowers, and other ornaments.

It made Jiang Cheng reminisce about his own wedding. He remembered how extremely nervous he was that day, the only thing that calmed him was Lan Xichen's presence. The man has always been his safe harbor. He could escape into his arms whenever he felt stressed or the world was just too much for him at the moment. He would be lying if he said it still wasn't that way. Even after all that had happened between the two of them, he was still yearning for him.

Days and nights were both difficult for him. During the day, he had to fight hard not to look at Lan Xichen too much, to not let himself be swayed by the man again. Nights were restless for most of the time. A-Huan came to him in dreams, bringing to him their most beautiful and endearing memories. However, he also brought nightmares.

Jiang Cheng often woke up in the middle of the night, drenched with sweat, fighting for air as if he was drowning again. Days after those nightmares were usually awful, he was tired and grumpy, often angry at everything and everyone around him. Those were the days when he wanted Lan Xichen as far away from his vicinity as possible. But then, at the end and the beginning of each of those days, he still loved Lan Xichen.

That's why, abiding by Nie Huaisang's advice, he decided to see a healer. A mind healer, that's what people tend to call Xu Ping. His job choice must have been suggested by his name's meaning, 'tranquil'. He really does bring Jiang Cheng a lot of peace and tranquility.

They meet for tea two times a week and talk for as long as needed. Till the moment Jiang Cheng tells everything that was on his mind, or till the moment Xu Ping decides that A-Cheng had had enough for the day. Those were usually the moments when he was not able to stop crying his eyes out. Yes, this man had the power to make him cry like a little baby, but he also made him feel safe in his presence. He comforted Jiang Cheng's heart in some strange manner. The sensation of being relaxed and calm was nice.

However it made him uneasy. He was afraid that once those sessions ended, he would go back to his closed-off self. That’s something he didn’t want to happen, and that is why he did things that Xu Ping told him to do, like spending some time with Lan Xichen. According to the healer that is the only way for him to figure out what he wanted to do with their relationship. To know if he wanted to proceed with giving A-Huan another chance or with telling the man that he has nothing to count on, because their relationship will never be again.

Xu Ping also helped to somehow mend his relationship with Wei Wuxian to the point that the Clarity Bell he had made for him ended up leaving Jiang Cheng’s drawer. When it happened both of them cried. Even though Jiang Cheng tried not to be overly emotional, he was unable to keep his usually serious demeanor. But in Xu Ping’s opinion that was a good sign.

“You’ve been bottling up your feelings for too long, it was high time for them to find a way out. It’s one of the ways to heal yourself.” He said to him afterwards, and he was right, it helped.

“What are you thinking about so intensely?” Lan Xichen asked

“Us. Life. The usual.”

The man looked at him in an indescribable manner. “Are there still any ‘us’?” He asked hopefully.

“Maybe in some time. I still have to think about it.”

"Of course. I am still happy that you're at least considering it." He took Jiang Cheng's hand in his, and when he didn't take it away, he looked him in the eyes. "I know that you will always have some doubt about my actions, and you will never be sure of my words. I know it, and I know that I absolutely deserve it. However you are the best thing that happened to me in my life, you and our family. I don't think of letting you go without a proper fight."

Jiang Cheng nodded, looking down. “I know.”