Slipping Through My Fingers | Xicheng

Chapter 10

Lan Xichen looked around the guest room with a sad expression on his face. It was weird, being in Lotus Pier, but not in the room he had previously shared with Jiang Cheng. The room in which they spend so many lazy mornings just cuddling or making love. Seeing his sweet A-Cheng so distant was like an arrow pierced straight through his heart. It was extremely painful, but he guessed he deserved it.

After he took a bath and changed into clean robes, a young disciple brought him some food, which he sincerely hoped wasn’t poisoned. Those rascals would do anything for their Sect Leader.

Wangji assisted him, as he was still weak and could hardly stand on his own. His younger brother supported him, but also condemned his decision. After all Jiang Cheng became his friend over the years, that's why keeping secrets from him and seeing him hurt must have been difficult for him.

"You can go, Wangji. I know you want to talk to him, so go and do it. I can manage on my own for a while." He looked at his brother with a reassuring gaze.

Lan Zhan said nothing, he just nodded and left the room hurriedly. Lan Xichen understood him, he truly did, because he himself dreamed of nothing more than to be with his beloved, to hold him in his arms and whisper how much he loves him.

And his son. Ren Tian had always been more stubborn than Jiang Cheng, if that's even possible, so regaining his trust will be an even longer proces. But he believes that he would succeed, at least he hoped so.

***

The terrible things that happen in life push us closer and closer towards the edge. Once we fall, we are left in an emotional mess, not quite knowing what to do next. Should we move forward and leave the past behind, or should we try to solve the cause of our decline?

Jiang Cheng was deep in his thoughts, that's why he heard the knocking only when it turned into banging. It gave him a little scare, so he jumped in place, spilling the tea from the tea cup all over the table.

"Fuck," he cursed, pulling out a handkerchief from his robes and started wiping the drink from the wooden surface. He remembered that someone was probably still waiting behind the door, "Come in," he yelled.

The door cracked open and Lan Wangji entered the room hesitantly. A glimpse of a smile could be spotted on Jiang Cheng's face when he saw him. His friend reciprocated it.

Jiang Wanyin crunched his nose, "Who the fuck are you smiling at? Do you think I am happy to see your ugly face?"

Lan Wangji ignored his insults and simply sat on the other side of the table. He took a cup from the tray lying next to him and poured himself some tea from the pot. He sipped on it for a short while, and then he put it down and looked at Jiang Cheng.

"Do you want me to break your legs?" Jiang Cheng asked. "The fact that you are a guest in this house doesn't give you the right to act in such a rude manner." He stated.

Lan Wangji snorted. "I believe we already had this conversation once, and if I remember correctly you were crying at the end of it." He reminiscented with a smirk.

Jiang Cheng became red on the face with embarrassment. He pointed a finger at his friend, "Yo-you... Ughhh. I hate your guts."

"I already heard that one too. You’re repeating yourself. But I did not come here to hear your pleasantries," he stated rhetorically. "I had a talk with your physician, she said some very interesting stuff. Something about your ass trying to unalive yourself."

"Well, I had a moment of weakness," Jiang Cheng said, tightening his grip on the tea cup. "It's not like I am a rock, I had to burst one day."

Lan Wangji looked at his friend with understanding. For many years he knew that there was something in Jiang Cheng that stopped him from fully enjoying life and living on. It's almost the same thing that forced himself to hold onto the past. But still, Jiang Cheng had it worse.

While he had to suffer the loss of his parents and the man he loved, Jiang Wanyin lost his whole family. It's true that you shouldn't compare your pain with the one of others, but it's difficult not to do so when you are there, and see the person you care for go through all that mourning. Lan Wangji knew that even though his friend was happy with his new family, his heart longed for the one he had lost all those years ago.

All those things and his brother's behavior during the last year had to be enough to pull the last string of his endurance. Lan Zhan just wished for it to never happen. But then, he had his own part in it, when he decided to obey Lan Xichen's wishes, and repenting it now would be pointless, but he still felt the need to apologize.

He moved a little bit away from the table and bowed to Jiang Cheng in the most apologetic way he could manage.

Jiang Cheng stood up and quickly approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "What are you doing?" He asked, although he kind of had an idea, as to why his best friend was bowing to him. "You don't have to apologize to me. Well, you do, but not like that. You may be my friend, but he is your brother. Your loyalty lies where it lies, A-Zhan. You cannot change it," he patted his shoulder in a reassuring gesture.

Lan Wangji finally looked up after a brief moment. "This situation breaks my heart. I am so sorry, it was wrong to assume that you will simply forgive my brother. I wasn't sure what to do, but I have agreed with him on some things. Seeing you for all those years, it was awful, because observing the suffering of the people you love is always terrible."

Jiang Cheng hugged him tightly, his eyes watering. "I know, because I saw your heart break over and over again through all those years."