Ticking All The Boxes

I thought I lost you

Holtzmann opened her eyes slowly, and then squinted, there was a bright light surrounded her and she groaned, realising her entire body ached and she was laying down. She closed her eyes again, trying to calm her thoughts, she could hear the soft beep of machines and she opened her eyes again, attempting to focus. Holtzmann licked her lips and looked to the side, she was startled for a moment when she saw Erin there, curled up asleep in a chair, her hand holding her own and Holtzmann inhaled sharply. She tried to move, and pain rushed over her, and she gasped, the blonde looked down at her hand, the soft hand in hers made her heart smile for a moment and then she heard soft words, "Jilly." Holztmann looked up, Erin had woken and was sitting herself up in the chair, leaning forward her other hand now clasping the blonde's hand too and tears began to stream down Erin's face. "I thought I lost you," Erin said, wiping the falling tears with her shoulder, not wanting to loosen her grip on Holtzmann's hand. Holztmann hesitated, looking to the end of the hospital bed and then back to Erin, "What happened?"
"There was a ghost, a wailing woman, she was coming straight towards me and then suddenly you were there Jill, you came out of no where and you tried to fight her, then," Erin paused, looking down to Holtzmann's hand and then back up to meet her eyes, "and then she just grabbed you, she pulled you up and threw you. She threw you from two story's high Jill. You just landed hard, so hard" Erin sobbed. "I thought you were dead. I thought she had killed you." Erin stood up, and leaned into Holtzmann, planting kisses to her cheeks and Holztmann reached up her weak arms, pulling her into her body, tears falling from Holtzmann eyes too. Erin pulled away, still leaning over the blonde.
"I'm sorry Jill, I'm so sorry."
Erin swallowed, her tears still streaming down her face, "I didn't mean to hurt you Jill."
Holtzmann shook her head, "It's okay Er, I won't let anyone hurt you, or hurt us, I promise." Erin nodded, wiping her tears, "You saved my life you know." Holztmann nodded,"I would never let anything happen to you Erin, I couldn't live with myself." Erin nodded, and Holtzmann smiled, "I'll always protect you Erin, I promise." Erin nodded, knowing that Holztmann wasn't just talking about their busts but about life and Erin knew she'd made a stupid mistake. The red head leaned into Holtzmann, planting a soft kiss to her lips, "I love you Jilly," she said with a smile, the blonde smiling in return, "I'll never stop loving you Erin."

Holtzmann remained in hospital for a few more days, she'd sustained mostly bruising and a couple of cracked ribs, with Erin vowing to take care of her when she got home. Erin picked her up in the Ecto and helped her hobble upstairs to their office, helping Holtzmann into her bed.
"Talk to me Erin," Holztmann said hoarsely as Erin propped her up with pillows. Erin tucked her auban hair behind her ear, "What do you wanna talk about?"
"You Er, I want you to tell me what you're fearing, what you're worried about."
"Jill you should rest.."
Holtzmann shook her head, "Erin please, I want us to move on, together but I want to support you, be there for you. Protect you if I have to."
Erin smiled, exhaling sharply, she took the engineer's hand in her own, stroking it, and she swallowed hard.
"I've been judged my whole life, and I don't want to drag you into that. No one judges you Jill, everyone loves you and accepts you," Erin sighed, "I didn't meant I hurt you, I really didn't. I just didn't think I could spend my entire life being judged, I've finally been accepted and I didn't want to lose that." Holtzmann sat up straighter, leaning into Erin and cradling her face in her hands, "Who is going to judge us? Who is going to judge you?" Erin shook her head at Holtz, tears falling again, "I don't know," she replied, "I'm just so scared it's going to happen again. I just can't go through it again." Holtzmann shook her head at Erin, "No one is going to judge you Er, and if they do they're not worth having in your life, and I mean that." Erin nodded, looking at Holtzmann and she leaned in for a soft kiss, the injured woman kissing her deeply.
"You're a grown woman Er, don't let others control how you feel and what you feel."
Erin nodded, Holtzmann taking her hands in her own, and pressing them to her lips.
"It just took so much from me Holtz," Erin said, "And I can't go through it again."
"You don't have to," Holtzman said, "and if you do I'm going to be right there by your side. I promise." Erin nodded, her tears silently falling and Holtzmann could see how torn Erin was and how much judgement had affected her life. Holtzmann bit her lip, wiping Erin's eyes with her thumbs, " I am so sorry people are so fucked up Er."                                                                              Erin nodded, letting out a small laugh, "They are, aren't they."

Holtzmann was able to move a lot more after resting at home for a few days and she was eager take Erin on her promised date.
"Er-bear, please, I'll be fine."
"You should still be resting Jill."
"How about I promise to take it easy?"
"It's not you taking it easy I'm worried about," Erin said with a cheeky grin and Holtzmann chuckled. The two women were standing in the middle of their office, Erin's arms around Holtzmann's waist and Holtzmann's arms around Erin's neck, and they leaned in to kiss softly, pulling apart and each returning to their own desks.
"Erin, babe?"
"Okay, tomorrow, you can take me out tomorrow."
Holtzmann chuckled,"That's not what I was going to say but great."
Erin smiled, "What were you going to say?"
"That I love you, and I mean it, I'll always protect you."
Erin smiled, "I love you too Jillian."