A Dragon's Treasure

Chapter 10 - Blank Canvases

Roman stared at the blank canvas in front of him. "Are you sure this is supposed to be fun?" He asked, staring at the blank white space in front of him. Remus peered around his own canvas, covered in paint.

"Well duh, it's freedom of expression."

"I don't understand, what am I supposed to do?"

"Just throw some paint on the canvas."

"Just, throw paint on the canvas?"

"Yep," Remus popped the P in his word before going back to his own painting. Roman sighed, looking at all of the paints in front of him, just scooping up a bit with a brush and throwing it onto the canvas. He didn't understand what he was doing. Roman smeared the red paint across the canvas, but that was too vivid, too strong for what he was feeling, so he squished some white over it, mixing it until it was a light pink. He didn't know what he was doing, didn't know how to paint with the reckless abandon that Remus was painting with. It had to be perfect on his first try and it had him frozen.

He was just staring at the white canvas, looking at all of the possibilities, and it was overwhelming. "I think I'm going to go back to my room."

Remus looked at him and just shrugged. "Whatever you want, fuddy-duddy."

It wasn't that he wasn't trying, Roman was just trapped in his need for perfection, his fear that anything he made wasn't worth anything if it wasn't perfect. He had learned to sketch as a part of his training, mostly portraits and topographical maps. Maybe he could start there, slowly lean into the idea of painting something out of his own mind, but he wasn't even sure where to start.

When he got back to his room, Roman flopped onto the bed, not even caring to close the door.

What Janus had said struck a chord in his heart, but he didn't know what it meant for him. Who was he without the crown?

Roman wasn't sure how long he was wallowing, but he soon heard a knock at the edge of his door. When he turned to see who it was he was also greeted with the warm smell of cookies. Patton gave him a soft smile. "Hey kiddo, mind if I come in?"

"Of course not, Patton." He sat up, making space on the bed for the other man who was bringing him sweet treats.

"I noticed you weren't painting with Remus anymore so I thought I might come see if you wanted to indulge in some sweets."

"Thanks." Roman took a cookie, staring at it for a bit, trying to form his thoughts. "I... I never questioned my place. Never questioned the reason I did what I did, but now I can't see the answer. I don't know what's next. Janus mentioned that I need to learn to be Roman, but I don't even know what that means."

Patton was quiet for a few more moments, so Roman took a bite of his cookie.

"Sometimes, the world around us puts on a lot of pressure about what we should be, and because of that, we lose sight of who we want to be. So, who do you think you should be?"

"Roman, Prince of Nevarci, perfect in every way, unflappable, strong, confident, protector of his people."

"Are there any parts of that that you don't want to apply? Or you are tired of trying to hold up?"

Roman went quiet again until his voice came out soft and broken. "I'm not perfect, and it is so hard to try to be."

He could feel Patton's hesitation but as soon as the man's arm was around him, Roman leaned into the contact.

"You don't have to be perfect, Roman. Not here. It's gonna take time to accept that though, but you are allowed to just be. That's part of being human.

Roman let out a shuddering breath, he didn't believe it, didn't believe that he could be anything less than perfect.

They sat there in the silence for a moment, Roman just soaking in every bit of comfort he could get. He could at least appreciate this, the comfort of someone caring for him. Logan cared, but Logan wasn't physically affectionate with most people.

"Roman, have you ever baked before?"

He shook his head.

"How about we make some more cookies?"

"Okay..." but the skepticism was obvious in his voice.

"Cookies are typically a safe way to fail. Even if they aren't perfect, they will still be delicious."

Roman hesitated but nodded slowly. "Okay, I'm willing to give it a try."