Falling Down (Rick Grimes Romance)

Chapter 11

I'm sure at one point in your life you have done something embarrassing. Acted or said something in a rash manner without thinking things completely out. At the time your actions are driven on by any number of things. Anger... sadness... love....pride...they are all great catalysts to making one do something irrational. Problem comes when you have to face what you have done. To show your face when you would rather hide.

After my little stunt last night in the cafeteria I knew I was the current buzz. Not that I had drifted far from the gossip radar anyways only now I had added fuel to the fire. If I had to do it all over again I would still write screw you. I just would have put it in Ricks cell instead of hand delivering.

It seemed that more and more now a days I found myself in the middle of public displays. Or at least since Rick walked back into my life. When it came to Rick it was like I had no self control. He had this ability to send me spinning out of control on the drop of a dime. Rick could make me angry in vivid colours in seconds flat with seemingly no effort on his part. Take away all my common sense as if I had none to begin with. Bring me to my knees with emotion in a single look from those captivating baby blue eyes. I crumbled in front of the man every time. I didn't like it but it was the truth.

Getting out of bed I began my usual routine of washing my face in the basin, dressing and pulling my hair up. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I paused. I always wore my hair up in a pony with a baggy hoodie on over my tank top. Every single day the same tired old look as if I was trying to disappear into the background.

Not today I thought. I yanked my hoodie off and pulled my pony out. Running my hands through my hair I leaned over as I inspected my reflection. Placing my hands on my hips I slowly turned from one side to the other. The change I thought remarkable. I had gone from invisible to looking...well...feminine?

The grumbling in my stomach demanded angrily that I feed it. I had missed supper last night and now felt famished. With one last glance at the mirror I headed out of my cell, down the hall and towards the stairs. I couldn't help noticing that people were staring at me but I was determined not to let it bother me. So what if I had been a dumb ass last night. Who were they to judge me with their boring little lives. It brought to mind something my mother had said to me once. If people are talking about you at least they are thinking about you. Not much solace but it still brought a smile to my lips.

Grabbing a bowl I poured my oatmeal and a coffee as I tried to decide where I should sit. Out of the corner of my eye I could see everyone sitting at the usual table at the back of the cafeteria. Question was....did I pretend as if nothing happened last night and just go sit down. Or do I just sit at another table and if that was the case what table? God I was so tired of feeling out of place.

I was so tired of feeling as if I had a neon sign that flashed after school special on my forehead. Chewing my bottom lip I stirred my powder cream into my coffee. Watching as a few chunks defiantly refused to mix and dissolve as it was luke warm. My skin flushed and clammy I couldn't seem to decide what to do.

This was stupid. I mean seriously what was I doing other than making a mountain out of a mole hill. Screw it I was just going to walk up to the table and enjoy my luke warm oatmeal and coffee. I was a grown woman and this was absolutely ridiculous. Besides what was the worse that was going to happen? Rick would ignore me....pretend as if I didn't exist. I would say that would be normal almost expected behaviour by now.

Taking a deep breath I grabbed my stuff and headed for the table. Each step I took seemed to be harder than my last as my determination quickly vanished. God help me what was I doing? So much for counting on the instincts. When Rick looked up from his coffee his eyes instantly locked on me. Tracking every movement I made Ricks eyes never left me once. It was nearly impossible to fight the urge to drop everything and run. Pulling the chair out between Maggie and Sasha I quietly as a mouse took my seat.