The Corpse And The Crazy

Caesura

Honestly, we were only in it for the thrill. It doesn't pay all that good to be a bounty hunter, so you gotta love it. And when I say love it, I mean live for it, die for it. When someone asks you to go after one of your rival's best hitmen, you do it. No questions asked. 

'Cause, if you don't do that, you'll lose all of your respect. It's like GTA, in a way. That's why I'm now tailing a guy with my mate Scott. Scott's the one person I trust with these kinds of gigs, as he won't talk when captured. At least, I don't think he will. Scratch that, I hope he doesn't talk. 'Cause I'm fucked if he does.

We've been driving after this guy for the whole night and I'm starting to lose my patience. 

First, he drives to the edge of some no-name town and then scares the shit out of us by triggering an alarm. Secondly, he drives off at the speed of someone's lover that hears the husband come home. It was already near impossible to follow him in the beginning, but after that, he seemed to think the devil was on his tail. Or the FBI, it isn't all that different. 

And now, he goes into the sketchiest hotel I've ever seen, leaving the bounty in his car. Like, dude, you good? Did you not take your pills this morning or something? 

Well, good news for us, I guess. 

'Do you see what I see?' I ask. 

Scott chuckles, 'is he thick? He just leaves her in the car like that?'

'Well, at least she has her blankie,' I say, mockingly. 

'This is gonna be so easy.'

We wait until he closes the entrance door behind him before we go on to do the easiest job we've done in a while. This clown didn't even lock the car door. And he's supposed to be this big bad wolf? Fuck me. 

Normally, I'd approach the subject first and Scott would cover me in case of any surprises. But that didn't seem necessary in this case, as there wasn't much to cover me from. 

'What was the bounty again? A few G?' Scott jokes. 

'I think we can go on a proper vacation after this. It's the least amount of work we've ever had from a job, in like, ever.'

I walk over to the passenger's seat and knock on the window. I gesture to her to lower the window as if I was a policeman. And to top this fucking circus off, she does it, too. 

'Yes?' she asks from under her blanket. 

'You're gonna need to go with me.' 

She takes a little time to ponder my question and then decides to not be that stupid. Just a little. A little bit stupid. 'Who are you?'

I look at Scott, who's standing on the other side of the car. He's grinning. This girl was taken from a mental hospital, let's see how much fun we can have with her. 

'Santa,' I say, solemnly. 

'But you're Scottish.'

'No... I'm not?'

'Don't make fun of me, I know how to bake a lasagna.'

Okay, this girl is real crazy. I couldn't even think of anything to do her one better. I just stood there, baffled. Scott found it hilarious, though, the girl out-awkwarding me. 

'Get out of the car.' The bit is over, I want to get this over with. 

'No,' she replies, she sinks further into the seat, maintaining eye contact. She isn't scared of anything, is she? 

I lean forward, 'Get out of the car, or I drag you out.'

She thinks it over. But instead of surrendering, like they usually do, she locks the door and closes the window quicker than I can react. To be fair, closing the window doesn't really go that fast, it's just not something you can stop. 

'Hey! Stop!' I yell. It's helpless, she has successfully locked herself into the car. 'Scott, go get the gear. We're gonna get this bitch out, one way or another.'

Scott doesn't react. He looks at something in the distance, something he does more often. He's just a bit of a dreamer, so I snap my fingers. 'Dude, the gear?'

When he still doesn't react, I realise he's looking at something behind me. 

I turn around. My heart races, my muscles tense. 

I want to reach for my gun but I'm too slow. 

With vampires, you're always too slow.