The Corpse And The Crazy

Caesura

'I had no choice.'

'Right.'

I stand facing the open window, with my back to him. A cool breeze flows in, a single bird looks at me. 'You unnecessarily endangered the mission. I could have you killed for this.'

He chuckles. 'If you wanted me dead, I would've been killed already.'

'You could be still,' I reply. I remain silent for a bit, studying the garden. 'This whole thing could've ended way worse than it did.'

'It could still.' 

I turn around to face him. My eyes have to adjust to the room's darkness, but his anger is clearly visible. It's visible in the way he leans forward, in the way he clenches his jaw, in the way he forms a fist, to then, later on, release that tension. He fully believes himself to be right. I suppose I can't really blame him. His whole being is asking me to try him, to give him a reason to justify himself. 

Well, let's humour him. 

'Why did you do this, Matthias?' I sit down in my chair, directly opposite him. I want a desk between us when I detonate this bomb. 'Why did you suddenly decide to be moral?

But even when the fire reaches the explosive, there is no blast. He keeps quiet. At first, he maintained eye contact, as if he didn't want to admit his loss for words. Or maybe even the loss for reasons, logic. 

'I had no choice.'

'Right.' 

Then, he averted his eyes. He doesn't look down, but straight past me. Like there was someone standing behind me. 

'What are you going to do with her?' 

He knows the answer. So, I look at him and tilt my head. I raise one eyebrow, waiting for him to answer his own question. However, he remains silent. He only meets my gaze. I can see a flash of doubt wash over his face. 

It's only then that I realise he isn't here to yell at me, kill me or horrifically maim me. This isn't about me. 

My shoulders relax and I take a sip of the whiskey I poured while expecting this conversation. I fight the urge to chuckle at myself for thinking I might die today.  

I focus on his heartbeat and discover his fear. A lot happened these past few days. 

'I won't hurt her.'

He lets out a shaky breath and tries to calm himself. 'Will you let me see her?'

For a moment, I consider it. But don't even have the power to contain one of them, let alone both. 'I'm sorry, Matthias-'

He stands up so aggressively that his chair almost tips over. 'I could end all of this, right now!' he screams. He radiated rage. It almost made me hesitate. 

'Could we talk about this like adults?' I answer, gesturing for him to sit down again. 

'Let me see her first.' 

'You are in no place to have demands. You seem to forget that you're here to account for your actions.'

'I did nothing wrong,' he growls and sits back down. 

'Why did you sacrifice all of this for her, Matthias? You've been as straight as an arrow for ages, and now this? Forgive me, but I simply don't understand.'

'I see that,' he scoffs. 'You're treating me like a fucking teenager as if I'm the one that's being unreasonable. She's not okay. If you're locking her up in a cell somewhere, it'll only be a matter of time before she collapses and takes us all down with her. You know the stories as well as I do, if not better. So, give me a chance to prevent that, before it's all too late.' 

He's so caught up in his own world. He thinks I would just let him do that, let him in a single cell with one of my most prized possessions. 'Leave this behind you, Matthias. You know how it ends, how all of this will end. We don't get involved.'

'Please,' he says. He puts his elbows on his knees, his hands in his hair. 'Please.'

For a moment, the only sound were the birds, the calm breeze and the rustling leaves. And then, there was a knock. 

It was a hasty knock. Not one to request permission to enter, less than that. More like a quick warning for the person entering. We both look up to the door. It's Winston. 

Her hair looks wind-swept, a couple of curls escaped her usual sleek bun. Her shirt is only partly tucked into her pants and one of her boots' laces isn't tied. 'Sir, the captive escaped.'

I look back at Matthias and I can read the question in his eyes. 

'Get her back.'