Cursed love [Geto Suguru] [Gojo Satoru]

Chapter 12- Little smile

Gojo left with a tear falling from his eyes, trying with all of his power to restrain himself not to do anything to you. He was angry, in pain. You betrayed him after all that you two went trough. How could you meet up with Suguru? He was a traitor and a foe, yet it was all clear to him now: you would still choose him, even when he became a murderer and a criminal. He felt backstabbed and a very unfamiliar feeling lingered in his chest: a squeezing feeling he couldn't ignore, even when he tried to for some time. 

After he felt remains of Suguru's cursed energy in his apartament, he knew what you were trying to do. Even he tried to rethink it multiple times, he still came to the same conclusion every time: you were in contact with Suguru somehow and betrayed him many times. He couldn't forgive. Even though he wanted to forget all the thoughts that went trough his head, every time he saw you he felt like you stabbed him in the chest with every look you gave him. And you killing Haibara didn't help at all. After all, he was a first year and your comrade. But even after all of this, he still wanted to hold you and tell you how much he cared for you, but he knew you wouldn't care for his words anyways, who was he after all, if not a fool? A fool for believing you ever. A fool that could forgive you if you turned back and told him you were sorry. 

All this time thought you actually cared for him in some way, but no. He was done with you, he kep telling himself over and over again. If you wanted to, he would let you go. He stuck up for you against everyone when they tried to harm you after the mission, he endured hours of scolding and judging looks. Just for you. But you wanted someone else. It pained him even more that it was the person he loved the most. 

He wondered why he did what he did, but he wanted to hear 'Thank you Satoru, I am grateful' from you, but you made it worse. So much worse.

The rain started pouring and the cold wind blew his hair into his tear filled eyes. He started laughing maniacally as he imagined the ultimate picture: you and Suguru killing him, smiling as you stabbed his heart. He knew it was the end for him. He accepted his fate. He started walking towards his apartament, the rain soaking his clothes. He wanted to disappear from the surface of the earth, wanted to forget. 

As he tried opening the door with his keys, Satoru found out, that the door was already unlocked, and entered. There was, a small soaked Megumi on the floor, removing his wet clothes. He looked up at Gojo, an unimpressed face.

"Hey." he said pausing his previous activity. 

Gojo could only smile at the little wet child, scrunching down next to him as he wiped his eyes. "Do you need some help with that?" he asked with a smile. 

"No, but maybe a bath? Could you start the shower?" Megumi said as he continued taking off his shoes. 

Gojo instantly got up and went into the bathroom. He didn't even tell Megumi that you and him moved back to the school dorms, he could imagine how poor Megumi felt after finding an almost empty apartament with no one inside.  As he got into the bathroom he stopped in front of the mirror. He saw someone so lonely in the reflection, someone he didn't recognise. The water was dripping from his hair, all of his clothes were soaked but he didn't mind somehow. The cold felt nice on his skin and in the moment he didn't matter. He felt a need to take care of the child in his apartament. Megumi appeared right next to him as he started the shower, Megumi stepped in. Gojo sat down on the side of the bathtub, finding himself smiling. 

Megumi didn't say a word either, he was just sitting in the tub collection all the foam and bubbles into his tiny hands. Both in their own world, not saying a word. It was unusual for Gojo to be this silent, so Megumi broke the silence.

"Why are you alone? Where is, (y/n)?" He said looking at Gojo.

"I don't know. She won't be coming here anymore, I don't think you'll meet her again. I'm sorry." Satoru said feeling somewhat ashamed, he realized how much Megumi liked being with you.

Megumi looked at Gojo confused but  seeing how Gojo didn't look at him, he sensed that something was really wrong and he didn't want to make Gojo more uncomfortable. The rest of the bath went on quietly for Megumi as Gojo exited the bathroom.

The apartament was the same as before the two of you left and moved back to the dorms. He was angry inside, but Megumi calmed him somehow. He really liked the child and cared for him. He deep down wished that Megumi could have someone close to a mother. He wanted that to be you, even though you both were just 17, he could imagine you making little Megumi bento boxes and going out with him on walks to the park. God, how could he imagine this, after the argument you just had with him? 

He was mad at himself, for not being more attentive towards you, he was so lost this past couple months that he wanted a way out, something to distract him. At first this was you, he could just mindlessly be, you were the same. He didn't have to worry about you being alright and doing something stupid, since you were taking it much worse. At first he used this state of yours, but then, slowly, you started bouncing back. He noticed this when you were with Megumi, then Haibara and Nanami started getting close to you, and then he found himself thinking where were you, what were you doing....

Truth be told, he wanted to keep an eye on you this past week, you were starting to slip out of his grasp and he was starting to have his doubts towards you and when he felt Suguru's cursed energy... he lost it. He was furious that night that he couldn't sleep, he felt like he was going crazy. He couldn't just tell you straight that day and ask you about it, because he knew what your answer would be. You would tell him that you were always planning to be with Suguru and...

And he couldn't even finish his thought when he felt a pang in his chest. Why does everyone want to leave him? He may be the strongest, but he is human after all. He wants to be loved just like everyone, he wants someone to tell him it's going to be alright when he feels lost, but why does everyone think he doesn't have emotions? He isn't a machine, he is a human being, he...

Was he? Was he ever treated like a human being? He was always trained to be the strongest, the best, he WAS all of this, yet, he felt like he was falling down the darkest pit of the planet. He was lost without his friends, who was he really? 

He lowered his head, silence surrounded him. He was truly lost. 

He felt a small tug on his shirt from behind. As he turned around, he saw Megumi, a little smile on his face. 

In that moment, Gojo thought that it could be alright. Maybe, just maybe he could make everything all fall into place.