Into the Shadows - ACOTAR / ACOMAF - Azriel x OC

Chapter II - Vallahan

— Lexa —

I'd always been broken and dark inside. Forged from a crucible of pain and cold death, I struggled to find the beauty and hope in anything. It seemed so foreign. To appreciate a flower, admire twinkling stars in a dark sky, or glistening snow in bright sunshine.

But as I sat in the decrepit garden of Vallahan, I drew on those images and closed my eyes to focus on them. On the smells, the warmth, the touch. Even as metallic hues singed my nostrils and my mouth became dry and sickly, I continued to breathe.

Inhale. Flowers. Exhale. Stars. Inhale. Sunshine.

I repeated my mantra to myself as I willed the surroundings around me to just vanish into the abyss. Or at the very least, let me vanish into the abyss.

A stick-breaking caused my eyes to snap open and my stomach coiled at the sight around me. Humans who had soiled themselves moved in and around the castle. Their visible ribs protruding through frail lashed skin.

The glittery white slate of my father's chair flashed through my mind. I stifled the cringe and horror that threatened my expression. I let out a long cool breath and attempted to clear my mind again as I stared at the withering oak tree in front of me.

Inhale. Flowers. Exhale. Stars. Inhale. Sunshine.

"Are you not cold, Princess?" A small, weak whisper hushed to me. I looked to Shilou, her hollowed cheeks and crooked nose seemed rosier than normal. "The temperature has dropped considerably since you left your quarters" she extended a boney hand to me, holding a cloak so black, it seemed to absorb whatever miserable rays of sunshine had bothered to penetrate the wintery clouds above.

"Thank you, Shilou" I reached for the cloak, placing my hand slightly under her outstretched grip so she could drop it into my waiting palm. Fear and sweat radiated off the human.

Whether it was fear for my non-existent powers or just simply because I was a High Fae - I didn't know. I didn't blame her either. Humans trembled before all Faeries, High Fae or not. And why wouldn't they? Their lives were miserable and filled with unending pain. My father was revolted by their weakness. His disgust embedded so deep, it fed into the citizens of Hybern, festering their own misguided hatred towards humans.

My father gifted the people of Hybern a common enemy. The humans. They blamed their own discomfort and poverty on the taxing lives of the humans, if they could just be slaves like they once were, then all would be right. 

I spent some time during my childhood trying to decipher why my kind hate the humans so much. But the answer was always the same: why not? From then, I secretly did my best to hide my worst. Though, I am only one person. my feeble attempts to soften and be kind towards our slaves were never going to be enough. 

I would never be enough.

Even so, Shilou had learned quickly to not baulk at me when I spoke to her and thanked her. It took several visits to this hateful castle for her to finally stop trembling in my presence.

She stood waiting for me to dismiss her, what she did in-between my visits was not privy to me. "Are you cold, Shilou?" I was more than happy to return the cloak to her, she looked like she needed it more than me. And I hated feeling the heat. I'd spent 6 months with my blood and organs on fire, feeling the cool air around me was perhaps the only silver lining for Vallahan's curse of eternal winter.

Her mouth gaped open, I'm not sure what she would have responded with, but when her jaw wired shut and her dark brown eyes doubled in size, I knew why she had started to tremble again.

"My betrothed asked you a question, Servus" his voice dripped with more distaste than usual, probably because he was now being forced to speak to one of his many human slaves.