How things really are. // Johnnyboy

let love in, and let love stay

I wake up the next morning in a world of pain. My head feels like it was cracked open, and my stomach and arm are on fire. Soda's arms are still wrapped around me, carefully light around my waist.

Not wanting to move, but also not wanting to be alone, I say in a raspy voice, "Sodapop?"

I can tell he wasn't actually asleep because he answers right away, not in his morning voice. "Hey, little brother. How do you feel?"

"Like I was hit by a truck filled with trucks." I say.

"I'd expect so. Want to sit up?" He says.

So he carefully sits me up. My stomach stings with every movement.

Slowly, yesterday comes back to me.

"Hey, Soda. Why did Darry call you over to look at my arm? Did he cut it up worse then my stomach?" I ask.

Soda bites his lip, something I know he does when he's nervous. "You can look yourself." He peels off the jumbo sized bandaid that Darry used for all of my cuts, and I see it.

He carved fag! into my skin.

My stomach tightens. "Did everyone else see it?" I say, horrified.

"Just me and Darry. We made a point to surround you so no one else would see."

"Is Johnny okay?" I ask.

"He'll be fine. He's gonna have some nasty bruises and has a busted lip, but other then that he'll be okay."

I nod, and look away. The reality of what happened is hitting me hard.

Soda wraps his arms around me in a hug. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry I told you no one would care." He whispers.

I shake my head. "You we're just trying to help me."

We stay still like that for about a minute until he says "You should tell the gang."

I jolt backwards. "What? I was just jumped for being gay and you want me to tell people?" I say more harshly then I wanted to.

"Believe it or not, Ponyboy, the gang loves you. How many times in the past have they had your back?" He asks.

"But what if this changes that? I don't want to lose them." I say, my own words surprising me. But it's the truth. They're my brothers.

"I won't let them." He says with a tone of finality.

Then we sit there again, him hugging me and me feeling more scared then I've felt in a long time.

Darry comes upstairs, and looks like he's about to say something before he sees us. He silently takes a seat next to us in the bed, and puts his arm around both of us. No one speaks.

Then Darry says, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I'm going to ask you a question, Pony. Are you gay?" He asks in a low voice.

I swallow hard, but if I'm going to tell the gang, I should definitely start with Darry.

"Yes." I say, my voice almost air.

Darry nods. "Okay, second question. Are you and Johnny together?"

Another gulp. "Yes."

Darry nods again. "Last question. Have you two been intimate?"

I'm jolted out of my discomfort. "Darry, I'm 14!"

"Hey, I had to make sure, okay? Had to see if I had to get Dads old shotgun out."

Soda slaps Darry's arm. "Darrel." He says in a exasperated tone.

Darry smiles. "Jokes aside, you know I'll love you no matter what, Pony. I just want you to be happy."

I nod, tears welling up in my eyes. Darry doesn't usually say the words "I love you." so we always know he's serious when he does.

"So, you gonna tell the gang, Pony?" Soda asks.

I take a deep breath. "Might as well."

...

Johnny, who spent the night on the couch, agrees that we should tell the gang. So, later, when everyone comes over for lunch, we know it's the time.

Johnny and I sit together on the couch. Everyone is spread out in the room, doing their own thing.

I take a deep breath. It was now or never.

"We want to tell you guys why we were jumped yesterday." I say. Everything shakes. My legs, my hands, my voice.

"Oh yeah? Why's that, kids?" Two-Bit says.

Johnny takes a deep breath, and grabs my hand. "Because we're together, and we have been for a month." He says it so causally I have to stop myself from snapping my head towards him.

The room suddenly goes silent. I almost half expect to be able to see my breathe when I breathe out.

I can see the tension building in my brothers. Gearing up for a fight.

"Two, you owe me 10 bucks." Dally says.

Two-Bit looks at Dally confused. "What? Dal, we never made a-"

Dally kicks him in the leg, and raises his eyebrows at him. Two-Bit mouths "Ohh" at him and pulls out his wallet.

It hits me that they probably didn't make a bet at all, but there trying to calm down the situation.

And it works, because Steve starts laughing, then Soda does, then everyone is laughing because Soda has the most infectious laugh out of anyone I've met.

Dally then smiles one of his genuine ones. Not a smug, conceited one, but one of his rare warm and real ones.

And I know then that they accepted us.