How things really are. // Johnnyboy

sabes que esto no va a pasar.

We were back a couple of days later to pick up Dally, who was being released. They said they wanted to keep Johnny in for a little longer for observation. Johnny was upset, but he also knew it was for his benefit.

While Darry was signing some papers, I went to see Johnny. He was sitting up in his bed. Something was off. His eyes were...unfocused.

"Hey." I say, greeting him with a kiss. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"You sure? You look a little-"

"Hey, it's almost your birthday. What do you want to do for it?" He says hurriedly.

He's avoiding my question and we both know it, but I let it go. "Maybe go to Dairy Queen. Been forever since I've been there."

Johnny nods. "I hope I'm out by then. I could go with you."

I nod. "I hope so." Although by the state of him, I'm not too sure.

Johnny leans back a little, clearly exhausted.

"You should sleep." I say.

Johnny shakes his head. "No." He pats the bed. "Can you lay with me, though?"

So he scoots over while I lay with him. I'm suddenly grateful that I closed the door earlier.

"You ever think about the future, Pony?" Johnny asks me.

"Oh, yeah. All the time. You?"

"I didn't use to. If I'm being honest, I used to not wanna be alive."

I look at him, shocked. He never told me that before. "Really?"

Johnny nods. "Yeah. Don't worry, I have full intent on living now." He pauses. "What do you want to do when you grow up?"

I don't know. That's the one part of my future I haven't planned. "I don't know. Maybe a teacher. But I'd have to go to college for that. I think I'd feel guilty if I did go, because Darry didn't get too. I think he wants me to go, though."

Johnny laughs a little. "Just take me with you. I'd love to get the hell out of dodge."

I smile. "I'll make sure. Where do you want to go?"

Johnny makes a thinking sound. "Hmm. California always sounded nice. They got good colleges there?"

"Oh yeah. So California it is? What about the place we live. House or apartment?"

"Ooh, that's a tough one. Apartments are nice, but you get privacy in a house. In our case, we might need that."

"Houses are probably more expensive though."

"Psh, with your dashing good looks how could they refuse you?" He looks at me and smiles.

I laugh. "Dashing good looks, huh? This is why this is a fantasy."

Johnny nudges my arm. "Hey, give yourself some credit, Ponyboy. You got good genes." We both laugh.

"Okay, so a house in California. What are you going to do while I'm at college?"

"Maybe I'll get a job at a gas station. Or maybe I'll be a photographer. I really like taking pictures."

I smile. I'm loving this conversation more then I thought.

Suddenly, Johnny's eyes flutter and close.

I nudge him. "Johnny?"

His eyes open again, but they look almost...fuzzy. "Sorry, I'm just...really tired."

I nod. "Take a nap. You probably need it."

Johnny sighs, and his eyes close again. "But when I wake up you'll be gone."

"Maybe, but I'll be back sooner then later. Then you'll be out, then California here we come."

Johnny laughs a little. "We got a ways to California."

"But it's gonna happen. And we can come back here every summer to visit the gang. But you have to heal up first." I kiss his forehead. "Get some sleep, and I'll see you, okay?"

Johnny nods, and falls asleep within seconds.

Later on the drive home, it hits me that I probably should have told a nurse that Johnny was acting weird, but I wave it away, sure that someone will notice.

Later that night, I fall asleep with a smile on my face, thinking of California and what it could hold for us.