New Heights

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

“What?!” he said forcefully, I knew I was about to break any minute, the tears would start flowing and then I really wouldn’t be able to speak, so I repeated my words. “I had a miscarriage” I bit my lip still not daring to look up in-case the girls were watching me.

“You’re joking right?” his words hit me full speed. I didn’t know what to say, silence became my best friend in those few minutes, but also my worst enemy. “I’m not j-joking Nath. I’m s-so sor-sorry” I choked on the last sentence, tears had found their way to stream down my face and I was visibly shaking. My sobs must have bought him to reality, facing the horrible truth because all of a sudden I heard an object hit something and a mumble of voices. I tried to get Nathan’s attention so he would speak to me, but only silence greeted me.

“Nath please speak to me, please” I whispered into the phone in desperation, I heard the phone being moved and then a voice speaking to me but it wasn’t who I hoped it would be. “Lauren what’s going on? Nathan’s frozen on the spot not moving, and he just dropped the phone” Siva’s Irish twang greeted me; I took a deep breath and told him about the miscarriage. The first thing he did was gasp, after that he muttered sorry over and over again before telling me that they would be on the next flight home.

Before he hung up I thanked him, though I was worried about Nathan. I wanted to be in his arms so we could go through this together. I trusted the boys to make sure he was okay until he got back to London, the sooner I could explain things the better. Nothing was stopping the pain though.

The tears had stopped briefly, I didn’t think I would ever cry this much over anything but the fact I blamed myself for Bubba’s death, the fact I had killed something not just a part of me, but a part of Nathan too hurt like hell. I stood up staring at my feet as I walked to the bathroom, I glanced in the mirror and I looked terrible. My face was blotchy and eyes swollen, I threw some cold water over me and brushed my hair and teeth wanting to make myself feel even a little better.

“Do you want anything to drink or eat?” Nareesha asked when I walked out the bathroom and into the kitchen where they all stood. I knew this was hard for them to be in a situation like this, but I loved them so much for the fact they were doing everything in their power to make me feel even an ounce better. “No thanks, I need to see my mum and dad. I’ll stay the night at theirs. Thanks for everything, I love you girls” I forced myself not to cry though it was proving pretty difficult. They all came over and hugged me, Megan saying she’ll drop me off. I picked up my phone checking to see if I had any messages or missed calls but there was nothing. Before I left I told them that the boys were getting on the next plane back and their faces turned up, I wish I could have felt like that but I still felt physically sick with everything, I knew seeing Nathan would only make it harder but I really needed him.

Megan and I sat in the car once we had arrived, she asked if I wanted her to go in with me but I shook my head as it was something I had to face on my own. I was trying to find the motivation to get out the car and knock on the door, but I hadn’t found any. Megan sighed and opened her door getting out; I watched as she trudged around and opened mine, pulling my hands and heaving me out. She nudged me towards the front door, running up and ringing the bell before giving me a peace sign, diving back into the car and driving off down the road. I would have probably laughed my head off if she had done that at any other time, but right now as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t laugh.

“Lauren?” my mum said opening the door, I spun around and faced her. She knew just from one look that something was seriously up, my blotchy face may have also given it away but she pulled me into a hug and lead me to the sofa without saying anything. I sat there while she went out the room, when she came back in she had a plate of my favourite chocolate chip biscuits and a cup of tea, I forced a thankful smile and took a deep breath knowing any minute I would have to tell her the truth.