nevermore | pete x reader

[11] finale (part 2)

I couldn't sleep, nor could I think. Instead, I continue to shift positions in my sleeping bag in hopes of soothing the alarming thoughts that were shredding through my mind.

This new information tortured me. It opened my eyes to a new perspective about everything. From the moment I sat beside him at the coffee shop, to the evening strolls, to us having a tea party.....  It was strange to think that Pete had a thing for me all this time.

I couldn't wrap my head around it. Didn't he say it himself... That "having feelings for someone" is against our group policies? Shouldn't he know that? All this time I tried so hard to be accepted into this gothic-alternative-subculture of a group.... Conformist this and conformist that.... At the end of the day, weren't we all just hypocrites for trying to conform towards this specific group anyways? It feels almost like this was one huge satirical bit in a movie. 

I hide myself underneath the covers of the sleeping bag once more, groaning in exhaustion. Unfortunately, I still have school tomorrow and I was not looking forward to it.

-

In the morning, Pete and I began walking to school. He gave me a hoodie and some cargo shorts to wear. We started walking an hour earlier than normal because we also just wanted to clear our heads for a bit. 

He looked rather tired, sighing often and placing his hands in his pockets. We spoke only a few times, but they were a few bland good morning and hello's.

In general it was just... Really awkward. When I first awoke (it was a miracle that I went back to sleep in the first place) I felt really dry and dizzy. I always hated the feeling of waking up after a sleepover.

As a few cars pass us by, I couldn't help but sigh in exhaustion. Yesterday was insane. Not only did I find out that my place was literally inhabitable, but I found out that somebody I just met a few days ago was in love with me. It even feels weird to even think about it like that... Like somebody is in love with me right now. Somebody actually cares about me, thinks I'm attractive, and cool...? And do I even like him back...?

I've never really been in love before, so I don't know how relationships work or what it means to like somebody in a romantic sense. Clearly my parents didn't set the best example of that either. 

But I still think Pete is a nice guy. He's been nothing but kind to me unlike the times where he seemed distant, which was now understandable with context. 

I wonder how Pete felt, trying to solve these feelings. Judging by my experience so far with his group, they obviously don't appreciate and stand for romance. It's probably some form of cringe culture to them. I wonder if he felt like his recent interest in me was going against everything he believed in. Maybe bringing it up to the goths all of a sudden would just tear the group apart. And that's the last thing I wish to happen because I had recently been on such good terms with them. For once, I felt like I truly belonged somewhere.

There were too many thoughts racing through my head, all I wanted to do was go back to Pete's and huddle in the sleeping bag all day. But today was a school day and the goths would probably notice our absence. 

I just needed to get through the day. 

— 

Pete and I arrived at the spot a little earlier than normal. Nobody was around and I could hear the birds chirp as the sun beams. 

We sat beside each other on the doorsteps, not exchanging a single word. 

To clear the silence, I slide closer next to him and clasp my hands together. "So... Yeah.." I drag out, watching how Pete looks at me curiously. "Can I say something?" I ask.