Burnt Out | J. Kirstein

|10|

Jean POV

I didn't see where she went once she entered the dorm building. Part of me wanted to go after her and see where she was going, but I didn't. I couldn't. I just stayed in my car to think over tonight's events.

I wish I had somehow told her about my feelings without actually telling her. I want her to know how I feel. But she isn't ready for that sort of thing and I think that I should wait until I know exactly why she's changed so much. I don't want to put too much on her plate by confessing how I've liked her since middle school.

To be honest, I don't even know if she'll ever be accepting of me though. She was too good for me in high school and she's even more untouchable now.

But I want to grab ahold of her and never let go.

I finally get out of my car, the cold air chilling me, even under my heavy jacket. After tonight, I think I'm in desperate need of a shower. And with how my thoughts keep leading back to her perky tits underneath her shirt or her exposed legs displayed over the pool chair, I might need a cold one.

•••

Turns out it wasn't quite cold enough to get rid of the blood rushing sensation that comes with the thoughts of y/n.

I wrap the towel around my waists and grab my shower bag, looking forward to how good my bed will feel once I get in it. Today has been a rollercoaster and I'm wanting it to end.

The door is barely pulled open when I see her walking down the hall. Still as beautiful as ever. She's missing her tights now and her hair is shaggy, like she had just taken a nap.

The flushed look in her face and glazed over eyes tell me differently. She just had sex. This is her walk of shame.

I shut the door so she doesn't see me and I lean against it, feeling a rage flow through me. It's a selfish and jealous kind of rage. Like it should've been me who she fucked.

Just who's room did she come out of?

I go back over to the sink and splash more cold water on my face, trying to get a hold of myself. I know it's not my place to be upset. But I am.

It's not surprising since she's always had guys around her. I've just never seen her interested in any of them. So what kind of guy finally made her let down her walls because I have some things I want to ask him. Like how I can do that...

The bathroom door opens and I wipe the water from my eyes and look at myself in the reflection. My gaze drifts past my sad and pathetic expression and lands on Armin.

He looks exhausted.

His hair is tousled around and his cheeks are tinted pink. It's Armin so I know he hasn't been working out. Maybe he fell asleep studying.

He looks back at me and smiles weakly, his movements slow like he's sore. Maybe he did work out after all.

"Hey man," I turn and lean against the counter.

He smiles weakly. "Hey. How was the party?"

"I punched a guy," my eyes cast down to my knuckles and see that they're a little discolored and swollen. "But it was good."