Burnt Out | J. Kirstein

|14|

"What are you-"

Your words are muffled by the rain and the wind, but he understood, you could see it in his face. By the time he reaches you, his entire body is soaked by the rain and his hair has fallen in front of his face.

"I lied to you," he pants like he's just ran a couple miles to get to you. "I didn't come back to relax on campus. I knew you were here on your own and I thought that you could use the company."

You stare blankly at him, unsure as to how you should react. You constantly want to chose carefully how you reveal things to people and right now all you want to do is smile at him and let go.

"I didn't want you to be alone."

You're thankful for the rain. The rain is hiding the tears that are beginning to fall from your weak eyes. Jean's gaze is set upon your face, watching for any reaction and you don't want him to see you this vulnerable.

The rain has soaked you to your bones and the wind is adding to the shivering cold washing over you. Jean is dressed in a black long sleeve and it's clinging to his body like a second skin. Your own shirt is hugging you tightly, but you don't care. You can't tear your eyes away from his sculptured torso or his broad shoulders that are shielding a good amount of the rain from you as you stand near the front door of your dorm building.

"Why would you..." faint words escape your damp lips.

He relaxes as you finally speak. "Because you won't admit to yourself that you hate being alone."

You clench your jaw. "I'm fine being..."

"You're not," he steps closer and you don't back up. "You're hurting and I think you put up walls and pretend that you're invincible, but you're burying something dark and harmful way down inside you and it's tearing you apart from the inside out."

His words are spoken so gently, but they dig into you like knives. You could melt away with the water seeping down the streets storm drain, but Jeans eyes pin you to your spot.

His strong gaze holds you so tightly that you refuse to move. You want him to hold you with more than just his eyes. His strong arms should be around you and proving to you his words are real. He does care about you.

There's a pain inside your heart that's whispering dark thoughts into your mind, but you push them away. Jean is being honest with you and with himself, so you need to be present. You can't fade into the dark like you do when you feel too much.

With Jean here, you know that you won't be swallowed up by the demons lurking in the shadows of your consciousness. He can keep you grounded and above water.

"Why do you want to help...?" You lift your eyes from the vein on the right side of his neck and stare into his golden colored eyes that look more bronze with the night sky casting shadows on his face.

Jean swallows and yours eyes dip back down for a moment. "Because I admired you in high school. I thought you were perfect in every way possible."

"Past tense," you scoff with amusement. "I was perfect?"

"Yes, were. But I realized you're human like the rest of us. I had this mirage of an idea about you and it was stupid of me to hold you to a higher standard than others. You aren't above anyone else. You're full of flaws and if I had seen that back in school than maybe I could've prevented whatever happened to you that made you become this shell of the girl you once were," he drags his hand over his hair to get it out of his face, but a few strands fall back over his eyes. "You made everyone so happy and made people feel like they belonged somewhere and I just want to be the one to make you feel the same..."