Burnt Out | J. Kirstein

|16|

You pull your clothes back on in a hurry. Armin is sitting with his blanket on his lap and staring silently at you, looking rather guilty like it's his fault someone walked in.

"I can check to see if they're in there and I can text you the coast is clear," he suggests.

You nod.  "Yes. Let's do that."

Armin pulls his clothes on and leaves his dorm, heading for Jeans. You wait, leaning against the door with your phone in your hand.

He didn't see anything...

Not your face...

He doesn't know it's you...

You feel your stomach churn painfully with guilt. It's odd, but you feel like what Jean saw makes you look bad. You have free reign to sleep with who you want, but something about Jean knowing you're using Armin to make yourself not feel all the bad things, hurts.

Your phone buzzes and Armin lets you know you're good to go. The door opens and shuts quietly and you make your way down the hall quickly, not wanting to be caught.

The stairwell is empty, the main entrance is empty, but the moment you open the door to head outside, you bump into the last person you'd want to see right now, other than Jean.

"Oh, y/n," hitch smirks. "What's the rush?"

Your jaw tightens. "Just wanting to go get our assignment done."

"Well I'm already done," she pulls the door open and steps in, switching spots with you, leaving you outside the building.

You fight the urge to roll your eyes at her subtle way of one-upping you, and instead, you smile slyly. "That's great. I'm sure we'll get a good score on our project. Have a good night, Hitch."

"You too," she smiles back and you turn on your heel, heading back towards your own room.

The door clicks shut behind you, the noise echoing in your ears. It's reminding you that you're cut off from Jean. Mentally and physically. He's untouchable.

You wish he wasn't, and you wish you weren't either. But at least you're in control of yourself. You understand the way you work. The way you think. But not Jean... and although you want to know everything about his inner thoughts and desires, you can't bring yourself to allow him to get close.

So this wall that's built between you two will stay up.

~

"I'll save you my usual speech about how you need to get out and live a little," Mina twirlers her slightly curled hair around her finger. "So let's not argue, let's just go."

You stare down at your hands that have rings placed on a few of your fingers. You're dressed and ready to go, but you're having seconds thoughts.

"Fine," you let out a deep breath and stand from your bed.

You had your speech with Hitch yesterday and it was rather successful. She's a smart girl, but you can't help but feel the hostility in her words every time you speak. It's like she's challenging you.

"Yay! Let's go," Mina hooks her arm around your neck and then instantly pulls back. "Shit! I'm sorry. I forgot."

You stop before reaching the door with a hint of the smile. "No... it's okay."

And that's the truth. For some reason her touch didn't make your skin crawl. It wasn't unbearable. You didn't particularly like it, but you didn't hate it either.