i don't deserve this | dotae | nct | bxb

十四

“Doyoung!” Taeyong’s face was in a state of utter panic as they unpacked the things in their new dorm.

  Doyoung whipped his head to Taeyong, “Did we leave something important behind?” He asked as he slipped a stack of clothes into the drawer in the closet.

  “I left my cat night light at home!” Taeyong cried out.

  Doyoung looked at the sky, which was slowly invading with darkness. “No! We are not going back for it at this time.” Doyoung stated firmly despite seeing Taeyong’s hopeful eyes, glistening more under the lamp in their room. Was he…crying?

  “I can’t sleep!” Taeyong pouted, his tears threatening to fall. Doyoung mentally face palmed.

“Right, “ Doyoung said through gritted teeth, remembering the episode from that eventful night. Were all popular kids crybabies?

🌕🌕

  The sun had already sunk back to the oceans when Taeyong and Doyoung were done unpacking. The room was a comfortable one, with oak wood tiled floors. Two beds on each side leaned against the wall, one with a window next to it. Taeyong generously gave Doyoung the bed next to the window as he was so certain that something would come out of the trees and attack him in the midst of the night. Their dorm was on the seventh floor next to a tall tree with branches that tapped against the window on windy nights.

  “Doyoung.” Doyoung sighed as a voice from his left called for him. He flipped to his left to see Taeyong with the blanket pulled up that covered half his face. “I can’t sleep,” he mumbled, slightly muffled by the blanket.

  “There’s nothing to be scared of-“

  “I didn’t say that I was scared!”

  Doyoung studied Taeyong closely: Almost hidden under the blanket, eyes wide with worry. He was most definitely scared.

  “You can just say you're scared,” Doyoung threw one of his hands over his eyes to block the moonlight that started to glow in as the wind blew the clouds away.

  “It’s just too dark here,” Taeyong pulled the blanket tighter around his frame, trying not to appear frightened with a studied effort. He looked like a neglected plant languishing in a dark corner. If the school knew about his nighttime phobias, that would just mess up his journey to be the Prince of the School.

  “Want to swap beds? There’s moonlight here,” Doyoung suggested, gesturing to the open windows.

  “The tree could grab me from outside.” Taeyong hissed, perhaps Doyoung’s presence has begun to rub on him, he was hissing more now.

  “Then sleep in the bathroom with the lights on, cuddling a blanket on the toilet bowl,” Doyoung flipped back such that his back was facing Taeyong now.

  “No! There’s monst- No, I need to protect you,” Taeyong dug some courage from the bottom of the pits of his stomach to say that. Doyoung scoffed. He needed no protection, he thought, although the events on that unforgettable night were still fresh and clear in his mind.

  “You’re Dad could come anytime-“ Taeyong was cut off by a pillow thrown at him. Under the gentle glow of the moon, Doyoung could just make out Taeyong pouting, clearly upset.

  Doyoung sighed and scooted closer to the wall and patted the blank space on the bed. Taeyong’s mood shot up and you could almost see the whites of his eyes gleaming victoriously as he sprung across the room to the empty spot, tumbling down on the bed. “This is nice, let’s do this every night,” Taeyong said brazenly.

  “We’re getting a night light tomorrow,” Doyoung said, feeling the slightest regret for inviting Taeyong to his bed, noticing the close proximity. At least Taeyong did not seem to have any intentions of closing the gap between them. He could not lie to himself that as Taeyong made himself comfortable, he was feeling much more warmth as he swiped through the past week’s events secretly in the private section of his mind. The ice-cream date, sharing a bed, the kiss…jeez, how did he forget that. Doyoung’s cheeks were heating up.

  “Cuddles?” Taeyong teased.

  “I swear, if you get any closer to me I will-“

  “Come on! We shared a bed together at Jaehyun’s house!”

  Doyoung got out of bed suddenly, “I’m sleeping in the toilet,”

  “Aw! Come on! I’m sorry, please come back, I’ll be so lonely, please!” Taeyong pleaded, feeling a bit sorry for nearly crossing the line.

  Doyoung rolled his eyes and lay back on the empty spot, muttering, “Screw you Taeyong, you can’t and shouldn’t touch me,”

  “Then why did we kiss?” Taeyong’s voice chirped. Ah, he remembered. Doyoung flushed a bright red and he thanked the night for providing him a dark mask. Perhaps silence was a better reply, Doyoung could not think of an answer that would leave him with any face.

  “I…” Doyoung was at a loss for words. Why did he kiss Taeyong? Why did he share a bed with Taeyong? Why did he allow Taeyong to slip into his life? Why is he falling in love? What if his Dad found out? What if…

  “Doyoung...” Taeyong urged him, hopefully he could pressure Doyoung into answering. Doyoung bit his bottom lip and shook his head firmly.

  “Doyoung~” Taeyong leaned in closer, wanting the answer more and more now, seeing that Doyoung was so determined to keep the answer a secret to himself. Growing bolder and impatient with each passing second, Taeyong was starting to get slightly irritated. Was he a one time pleasure? Did the kiss mean nothing to Doyoung? What was it for? He was unable to deny the feelings Doyoung was mixing within his heart.

  He slammed his hand on the wall, slightly trapping Doyoung, growling softly, “Tell me.” His eyes growing hard and unkind, Doyoung stared into them with a shaky gaze. They were so different from the round, boba ones he was used to and admired. Taeyong looked so scary, so different and he was just a weak fry under the strong arm Taeyong had against the wall. Was this the real Taeyong? Was Taeyong taking advantage of him? Is Taeyong looking for pleasure? These horrible possibilities plagued Doyoung’s mind.

  Doyoung burst into silent tears, overwhelmed. He sobbed silently into his hands. Taeyong’s sharp gaze softened as he felt guilt surge into his frame, guilty of pushing Doyoung and taking things too far. Had he crossed the line? “Hey…I’m sorry,” Taeyong hushed the trembling boy in an attempt to sooth him. Doyoung let out a gasp of air as his sobs gradually grew to cries. He heaved for air in between every cry, the other students in the nearby dorms would hear them at this rate.

  Taeyong momentarily froze. He wanted to pull Doyoung into his arms and mutter soft apologies into his ear but he was afraid to trigger something in Doyoung. Taeyong’s arms relaxed and were now stretched out, welcoming Doyoung into a hug, but they did not wrap around Doyoung’s shaking frame. Their fragile relationship was starting to shatter and Taeyong did not want that. It was better if Doyoung initiated it rather than he did.

  Meanwhile, Doyoung was lost in a dark pool of trauma, phobia and worry. He wanted to run away from this room and Taeyong. Oh why did he open up to Taeyong, this just complicated his life. Taeyong was stirring pink sweet feelings in him, making his father suspicious, popping his peaceful bubble, invading his space. Yes, he knew it now, he needed to get away from Taeyong and his problems would be solved. Taeyong was the problem and he, Doyoung, did not need Taeyong to try and put back his broken pieces, only to accidentally drop them and crack them even more.
He didn't deserve this, did God play favorites? Did God have to make him so breakable?

  Maybe God doesn't and he was overthinking.

  However there was a bigger threat.

  Taeyong was a threat.

HI HAHA
took another month
but I like this chapter, it kinda flows and there's no abrupt transitions...?

and I post in the middle of the night,
unhealthy but works