i don't deserve this | dotae | nct | bxb

十八

“I don’t know where to start,” Doyoung said honestly, kicking his feet out as he walked. 

  “I’ll help you start...uh, is he biologically your Dad?”

  “We'redefinitely blood related,”

  “What happened to your Mom?” 

  “I don’t know. She left me. I suspect that her relationship with Dad was too toxic for her.” Doyoung sighed and Taeyong nodded subtly. He let the silence between them rest for a while.

  "Can I guess that your Dad is involved in illegal business," Taeyong’s voice lowered, eyes darting around as if expecting someone to be eavesdropping on their conversation

  "Intelligent guess, for once. He loans the desperate and illegal businesses with money." 

  "Why do they even loan from him then? They could loan from other places right?" 

  "It’s an illegal businesses...and because Dad provides his support to his customers by shielding them from police"

  "He sounds more…more.. um…human now?" 

  "Not really. He shoots and burns those who do not return him. I'm very sure we have several guns in our house" Doyoung replied darkly, his lips pursed as he kicked a pebble away from him. 

  "That's what he does for a living? You have a…a pretty decent house." Taeyong's voice faltered a little, who knew, he could have spent the night at Doyoung's house with a black pistol in his pillow. Or at least an extra pack of bullets beneath the mattress.

  "I'm pretty sure he's involved with the drug dealing industry," 

  Taeyong nodded again. They probably hid the cocaine everywhere, were they perhaps sewn into the bedsheets?

  "Is he…dangerous?" 

  Doyoung bit his lip. "I'm fearful of him. I think that he's dangerous enough to hire men over to assassinate someone. However, he’s more likely to make his own hands bloody. He seems to enjoy it.”

  Taeyong mouthed an 'oh'. He continued with a silent stroll, slowly moving closer and closer to Doyoung. He let his knuckles nudge Doyoung’s knuckles and lightly traced his pointer finger on the back of Doyoung's hand. Doyoung responded by sliding his fingers through Taeyong's fingers, looking at the wisp of clouds dissipating in the air.

  “Taeyong…I’m not sure if our relationship is safe for either of us. If my Dad finds out, think about the consequences.” Doyoung lowered his head as his eyes saddened, letting go of Taeyong’s hand. 

  Taeyong's eyes swelled with sadness. “Even if you discard me, I don’t think I can stop chasing you. I want to spend each passing season with you,” Taeyong gave Doyoung small beam radiating happy energy so Doyoung lifted his head to return a smile, his cheeks receiving a splash of pink. “Have you thought of discarding your Father instead? He’s overseas anyway. We could go to the police station and report him.” Taeyong’s eyes had a small spark dancing in it, his naiveness returning.

  “I think he sent some of his workers to watch me a bit…” Doyoung grumbled. 

  “They haven’t done anything to us?” 

  “Idiot, let me finish. Dad likes making his hands red with blood, he’s the one holding the knife. The workers hold rope to tie us up to make the job easier for that man. They could be watching us now.” 

  “They’re not kidnapping us either though. If your Dad really was watching you, he probably would have taken me away and locked me up to torture me and...” Taeyong stopped as he looked at Doyoung with horror. The reality of Doyoung’s father had just hit him.

  However being Taeyong, he was quick to recover from that split second of shock. He fell to the ground dramatically but grumbled as he got up when Doyoung did not give him any reaction.

  Doyoung was deep in thought. It was odd that Dad had not been acting up. “I’ve been too caught up these days that I forgot about Dad. I do find it strange that he hasn’t done anything yet…”

  “Maybe he forgot about his son like how you forgot your Dad,” 

  Doyoung bit his lip, “I’ll love that …but I still think he’ll kill us both.”

  “So? We’ll both see each other in heaven.” 

  Doyoung let out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes at Taeyong’s naiveness. However, a corner of his lip was curved up. 

🏫🏘

  “Wanna take a bath together?” 

  Doyoung's eyes widened as large as two saucers. “What?” He blinked several times as he watched Taeyong undress swiftly, striping down to his underwear. Taeyong raised his brow twice as Doyoung’s eyes traced his figure. 

  “So will you? Are we that comfortable now?” Taeyong had a hopeful grin on his face as he sauntered into the shared bathroom. Doyoung followed him with hesitant, shuffling footsteps. Taeyong raised his brows at Doyoung’s arrival. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, I won’t get upset,” Taeyong assured him.

  “I want to.”

  Taeyong stared unblinkingly at him as he tested the temperature of the water, mouth open in a surprised way. 

  “It’ll be quicker than taking turns! We only have one bathroom!” Doyoung quickly saved himself, rubbing his nose as he felt his cheeks heating up. He turned away hurriedly. 

  “Are you not undressing then?” 

  Doyoung sucked his breath in. Right. His fingers curled around the edges of his hoodie but stopped there. Seeing Taeyong patiently waiting for him, he pulled his hoodie over his head. He turned tomato red as he placed the clothing next to the sink, shivering slightly in the cold air of the bathroom.

  “You really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,”

  Doyoung turned around to face Taeyong who was giving him a small smile, eyes locking with Doyoung’s. Then, Taeyong frowned slightly, his lips curved downwards on one side.

  “Doyoung what are the purple-red marks on you…” 

  Oh no. He forgot completely about the state of his body. 

  "I..." Lowering his gaze to the grey floor with tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He brought a hand to his face as he felt his face flush with heat. His hand groped around the sink for his hoodie to cover himself up. How embarrassing.

  He fixed his gaze on a crawling ant on the wall, frustration towards himself building up in him. To tell or to not tell? Making Taeyong upset would be the last thing he wanted. Taeyong probably had many speculations about him right now. 

  The silence in the bathroom was suffocating Doyoung. The dripping of water from a pipe was irritating him. Taeyong's frown was worrying him. Three negative elements swelled in his stomach, forming wriggling snakes. It did not feel pleasant. He braced himself for what Taeyong would have to say.

  “Aww don’t cry. Your Dad did that to you didn’t he?” 

  Doyoung’s breath hitched in possibly relief and he nodded subtlely. Thank you Taeyong. Taeyong has an assuring and sympathetic smile on his face despite his eyebrows still locked in a slight frown. “Then it’s not your fault and you don’t have to be embarrassed,” 

  “That's true. But I-“