i don't deserve this | dotae | nct | bxb

十五

Doyoung cried out, cursing the world for giving him such a difficult life. He let his emotions leak out in a beauty yet saddening flow of tears.

That's when two arms gently wrapped around him, not squeezing him, but close enough for him to feel its touch. Doyoung squinted through his tears, deciding to not struggle. He lay his head weakly on Taeyong's shoulder as he listened. "I'm sorry,"

Doyoung heard that lovely, warm voice that he found comfort in. He let out a soft gasp as his frame brushed against the arms around him. He wanted an embrace after hugging and crying on his own shoulder for the longest time ever. He scrambled deeper into Taeyong's embrace, still crying, but leaning into the touch and chest he found comfort in.

"I hate you," Doyoung cried into Taeyong's shoulder, weakly punching Taeyong's chest in frustration, "Why did I give you a chance to come close to me?" Doyoung's tears were dampening Taeyong's hoodie, as his weak hammering did not stop. Taeyong bit his lip and brought his hand to Doyoung's head, fondling the messy hair, staying silent.

"Your silence is irritating me," he continued, punching Taeyong's chest weakly. His cries now died down to a sob, tired from the crying. "Say something..." Doyoung whimpered.

"You don't need to be prince charming and sweep me up into your arms and fix me. You won't fix me, you can't fix me. I'm too broken, you'll break me even more. I hate you," Doyoung mumbled, his words finding their way into Taeyong's heart.

"Doyoung, I'm so sorry," Taeyong whispered into Doyoung's ear comfortingly. Doyoung's breath hitched as he lifted his head from Taeyong's shoulder, his nose and eyes red from tearing. The sight breaking Taeyong's heart

"That's not going to work. He said that and nothing happened, nothing changed. I'm still as broken as before. I'm leaving," Doyoung smeared his tears away.

"Before you go, was there something I could have said to make it all stop hurting?" Taeyong wanted to keep Doyoung in his embrace, he wanted to protect Doyoung and be forgiven for his actions just a while ago. It was unfortunate that he handled Doyoung's broken pieces so carelessly and forgot the fragility of their relationship.

"No," Doyoung wriggled out of Taeyong's arms although he loved the comfort they gave him, missing them the moment he lost contact. Love is a dangerous drug, you get addicted, the addiction needs to stop. When you're addicted, you need the drug to survive, to get past an ordinary day, to continue living. If he continued this one way relationship, Taeyong would become his drug, and there would be no way out of it. He would be depending on Taeyong, he did not want that. He got off the bed wearily, avoiding Taeyong's now tear filled eyes, shuffling towards the door. He shivered as the cold wind blew past him, suddenly wanting to run to Taeyong for that golden warmth again. He stopped himself from doing so and forced his feet to the door.

"Please don't go," Taeyong cried out, his voice cracking towards the end of his sentence. Tears flowing from his own face now. Doyoung held the urge to turn around, knowing that he would not be able to leave after. Taeyong was probably in a breaking state too. However that did not make him any less of a threat.

It was unfortunate, after being broken himself, he had to crack someone with him.

"Doyoung..." Doyoung's hand stopped at the door knob, sparing Taeyong a few seconds to say what he wanted to.

"I love you, Doyoung,"