Lonely Hearts Won't Break

SEVENTEEN｜SUMMER RAIN

Climate change was the only explanation why the temperature was below sixty on a late August evening. Despite all my efforts to avoid being here – 'losing' the formal invitation, ignoring the informal reminder, and unintentionally gaining weight so I wouldn't fit into my dress – here I fucking am at The Plaza Hotel in the midst of cold, and more specifically hunched into a ball on the front steps, rocking back and forth like a crackhead but instead with a joint in possession.

I was in need of solitude, warmth, a distraction even and preferably inside of my damn bedroom back in Harlem. Spending the entire evening walking on eggshells while trying to plot my escape was like playing chess, and mind you, I did not know how to play that shit. Checkers was more of my speed. And even that isn't true. I'm not really a board game girl. I only ever mastered the game Life, which is...grim in retrospect...and prospect.

This intricate board game of mine was levels harder. Every corner I turned there was either one of my parents, a relative I hadn't seen in years who had a plethora of questions to ask for the sake of 'catching up', or Eden who was bossing me around. I allowed the latter only because I figured if I did everything she asked, and quickly, I could retreat to my hotel suite and order room service. But my grand scheme failed. Despite the fact that I did dodge several looming awkward moments, I still couldn't seem to get completely away. Every chance I had to dash toward the door was disrupted by the most random occurrences, and for some odd reason, it hadn't dawned on me as it had all the other times in my life to simply create the lie of having to piss. No one would question that. They never do. It only crossed my mind when the few glasses of champagne and others of water finally caught up with my bladder and I had to rush to the nearest stall.

Did I like suffering? Hm, sounds like it.

After that, I didn't look back, not even once. 

The clouds of smoke parting from my lips every other minute vanished into the shell of silence my mind created around me as I slowly drifted away from my surroundings, rocking back and forth. This was the only solace I could afford and it damn sure served its purpose. So much, I missed the summoning of my attention approaching from behind.

For almost twenty minutes, my lowered eyes blinded me of all the passing bodies and now the one apparently belonging to that voice as it plopped down beside me onto the concrete steps. The familiar scent of Creed Aventus was the only thing that managed to infiltrate my high, and without a second thought but with a clear knowing, I began franticly venting the air with a wave of my hands, which was pointless since the joint was still very much lit and stuffed between my lips. My brain and bodily functions weren't currently in alignment, making it hard for me to not appear awkward as hell as I failed to solve what I perceived as a huge problem.

"Dammit," I muttered.

The weight of my arms was becoming too heavy to balance anymore. Not having much energy, they sunk into my lap like sandbags as I took a quick breather, then yanked the remainder of the blunt from my lips and grazed the tip on the concrete.

"It's just marijuana, Tatum," Kevin assured with a chuckle. "Science even claims it helps cancer patients if you were worried."

"Nope. Not at all," I stated sarcastically, peering up at him and fought the urge to return his heartening smile. One I vividly recalled during my teenage years as an overachiever. I was so critical of myself, still am, but only then did I find ways to sabotage my character in response to failure. My father wasn't a man of many words then but he reminded me with a mere look that he understood and he cared. "Weed isn't usually my go-to. Too afraid I'll become dependent on it."

"Hey, I'm not judging," he swore, tossing his hands up in defense. "I smoked well into my thirties anyway, so who am I?" My mouth widened as he nodded, that smile he donned turning into a knowing smirk. "Yep. Shocking?"