Crestfallen Colors

Something's Wrong

The two woke up the next morning. 6am, as scheduled. All tangled up and clinging to each other. Gon was supposed to see Dr Siberia immediately after waking up, but he didn't want to move. Besides...

He didn't have any nightmares last night.

"How'd you sleep?" Killua yawned, propping his head up on his elbow. His hand was still on Gon's waist. Waking up next to Killua, made Gon's chest hurt. It felt weird.

"...Fine." He tucked his face into his pillow.

Killua smiled fondly, tracing his hand up Gon's side to rub his shoulder comfortingly. "And your nightmares?"

Gon's skin tingled where Killua touched him. "I..." Gon hugged his pillow. "...Didn't have any..."

Killua's hand paused. "That's..." He scoffed. "That's good, right?"

"...I... I guess..." Gon remembered what Killua said. It'd be fine if he forgot it all. It'd be a good thing if he were able to move on.

"How long till you have to see Siberia?" Killua asked.

Gon grumbled, not wanting to leave. "I... didn't have nightmares so... what's the point?"

"Then... we sleep in till breakfast?" Killua suggested with a grin.

Gon laughed. Letting go of the pillow to grab Killua and pull the two of them together. "...Sounds good to me..."

Killua wasn't tired at all, but laying there with Gon for the next couple of hours didn't sound so bad. Even if it made him feel all giddy and his heart was twisting.

Gon was looking right in Killua's eyes. That seemed to happen more often lately. "Yknow, you haven't been avoiding eye contact so much lately." Killua mentioned.

Mentioning it made him look away. "I guess... I'm just not so stressed out around you..." Gon thought aloud. "...Eye contact is... well, it makes me uncomfortable... it's overwhelming, I guess. But uhm, not with you..."

And your eyes are too beautiful to not stare at from time to time, Gon thought. He kept that part private, though.

Gon's words tugged at Killua's heartstrings. He wondered, since Gon was so comfortable with him, if there was any deeper meaning to that.

Could he... do something to test that theory?

They were already so close together. It would be easy to initiate an intimate situation. It could be something simple. A hand touch, closing distance between them, something like that.

On that thought, haven't they been rather intimate with each other as of late?

Gon's arms were wrapped around Killua's torso since he pulled him back to him. Killua leaned his forehead against Gon's, holding him close. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. This was nice.

Killua's exhale tickled Gon's nose. In response his nose scrunched a little bit and he let out something like a giggle that was barely audible. Gon looked at Killua's eyelashes, so close he could count them if he bothered to. Long, black eyelashes. Black?? Either Killua wore mascara regularly, or he bleached his hair.

Judging by how damn white his roots were, Gon supposed it was more likely the former.

This close, Gon noticed another piercing Killua must've had. He didn't have a nose ring in at the moment, but his nose was pierced. Gon could stare at Killua's face for hours, studying every facet and trait. Every so-called flaw or imperfection. The way his cheeks would turn so red whenever he was embarrassed. His cheeks were red even now.

Gon's hand glided down the side of Killua's face, resting on his jawline. Killua's eyes opened just a little, and he held Gon's hand in his against his face. Killua smiled.

Gon felt like that smile would be the death of him, somehow. The way it made his heart stall and then speed up uncontrollably couldn't be healthy. Yet, he loved it. Gon wanted that smile to be on Killua's lips all the time. And damn anyone that would cause it to fade away.

"Gon," Killua spoke softly. Gon didn't realize he was staring at Killua's lips until his attention was torn away from them. He looked in Killua's eyes for a moment before looking at the pillow underneath his head.

"...Yeah..?"

"I..." Killua was hesitant to actually say anything. He didn't want to risk freaking Gon out, so he held his tongue. "Nevermind. It's nothing."

After much internal debate, Killua kissed Gon on the forehead. Followed by his inner monolog turning into a screaming match between he and himself.

Gon's forehead burned where Killua kissed him. Their faces were still so close, their noses touched. Without thinking, Gon's nose slid past Killua's so that they were close enough that his lips were barely hovering over Killua's.

When Gon closed his eyes, Killua did the same. They stayed like that for a moment, until Killua couldn't take it anymore. He closed the distance- which was even smaller than he thought- and kissed Gon. Just one, light pec on the lips.

Gon's eyes shot open, and he stared at Killua. What was that? Well obviously Gon knew what it was. But why did Killua do it?

Killua felt unnerved by Gon's stare. Did he fuck up? Great, now Gon would distance himself. He was probably about to come up with some excuse to leave, just to avoid the awkward situation Killua got them into.

"...Killua-" Gon got cut off by a knock on the door. Gon turned around, glaring. Until Bisky opened the door. When he realized it was only her, he couldn't stay mad.

"Ah, I'll just tell Palm you won't be coming in until later." She smiled, leaving.

"Wait-!" Gon sat up in bed. Bisky paused, turning around. "Uhm... tell her I... didn't have any nightmares..?"

Bisky was surprised to hear that. It was a first. "Sure thing. I'll see you later, dear."

Once she was gone, Killua was surprised Gon didn't take that opportunity to get out of there. Gon sighed, leaning his head on his knees. Killua sat up, watching him carefully.

Gon felt like his ribcage was about to implode. His lungs were too small. His stomach was filled with something fuzzy and ticklish. Every time he recalled Killua kissing him- on the forehead, on the lips- it got so much worse. What was wrong with him?

"...Are you alright?" Killua asked.

Killua's voice alone made Gon's gut twist. "...I don't know..." Gon whispered.

Killua looked away, hand behind his neck. "Sorry." He said. "I should've asked to... yknow."

Gon looked up at Killua, who seemed distraught. "....That's not it." Gon told him, thinking Killua probably thought Gon was upset about the kiss. He wasn't.

Killua didn't really believe him, though. "Well uh, I should probably go... take a shower or something." He said, standing up.

"Wh-" Gon grabbed Killua by the wrist when he realized he was leaving. Then, Gon thought he was being too clingy. If Killua wanted to go, he shouldn't get in his way.

So Gon let go.

"...See you at breakfast..?" Gon asked.

Killua smiled. "See ya then."

When Killua left, Gon threw himself back down at his pillow and rolled over. He hugged a pillow with his whole body, as if he were trying to suffocate it. He then screamed, as loud as he could, muffled by the plush pillow. He sighed, keeping his face buried.

He didn't know why he screamed, but it did relieve some of the tension in his chest. He felt utterly winded. That scream took every ounce of energy he had.

At least, it felt that way for a few seconds.

Then he felt restless. His heart rate was speeding up. Why? Killua wasn't even there.

Gon sighed. He supposed he'd go see Palm as planned. He needed to ask her what the hell was wrong with him.