Lux Brumalis: "The light of winter"/"Winter's light."
After defeating the Flag Smashers and conquering his inner demons, Bucky is trying to live a quiet life in New York City. While being Cap's sidekick has brought him (mostly unwanted) fame and at...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
A/N:There are some Fleabag references in here because I've been watching it and just see our poor little disaster, Charlotte. Also that show is hilarious and gut-wrenching. Highly recommend.
CW:Descriptions of miscarriage. I get into some description in this one, and I realize this is a BIG trigger for a lot of people so this is your warning. I've never been pregnant before and never miscarried, so this is a compilation of a bunch of women's experiences that I researched. What I've written isn't a universal experience. That's impossible for me to do as a writer. My goal when bringing up these heavy topics is to be real and handle them with respect. Charlotte makes choices people may not like, but I try to ground them in real emotions. If you have experienced something like this, my heart goes out to you 💜
The cold heart will burst If mistrusted first And a calm heart will break When given a shake - Feist, "How My Heart Behaves"
Rachel sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose tightly.
"Bucky."
He groans and puts his head in his hands.
"I know."
"I told you—"
"I know you did, I just..."
"You don't listen!"
He nods, acquiescing to her observation. She's right. He really doesn't. Sam's yelled at hm about it before. Steve used to tell at him about it, too.
"It's my worst quality."
Rachel chuckles, shaking her head.
"And sometimes your best."
He had to tell her the truth about Charlotte. It was killing him. After she left this morning, Bucky sat at the table not eating his breakfast and not drinking his coffee. All he could think about was the way she almost kissed him that night. It's all he's been able to think about for the past week. He wonders what her lips would feel like, how she would groan beneath the weight of his body.
But he doesn't just want that, he wants cuddling and long conversations over coffee. He wants kisses in the morning, feeling her lean against him as she reads her smart people books on the couch.
He wants a partner.
He tried everything to get rid of the thoughts - splashing water on his face, taking a cold shower at least twice a day, but every time he looked Charlotte in the eyes, he couldn't stop himself from going back to that night when he had the nightmare. The way she held him, it was soft and sweet. Her hands were delicate, drifting up and down his back. Bucky hasn't been touched like that in ages. He's experienced intimacy, but it was so different than the way she held him.
He wanted more of it, and he has a feeling Charlotte has a ferocity to her that he just hasn't been privy to. He can see it in her eyes when she looks at him.
