Debauched || Namjoon

Front seat.

~ ❦ ~

I looked out the car window from the passenger seat, it was starting to get dark outside.

We were just parked on an almost empty street waiting for my mother to possibly return. Calling and texting her like crazy and yet she was nowhere to be found.

She just left us alone.

"Fuck" I turn to look at Namjoon mumbling to himself in frustration when putting his phone back in his pocket after being put straight to voicemail for the tenth time. "Has your mother always been this dramatic?" He asks, sounding genuinely curious.

"You're just now realizing this?" I mean my mom has always been a bit dramatic.

He laughs a little. "Well we haven't exactly been together long enough for me to see that side of her until now" He confessed, making my eyes widened slightly when remembering how fast they got married after barely knowing each other.

"Why did you get married to her so quickly if you didn't even know her?" I ask and he smiles.

"I don't know, I guess I just fell in love" He says simply triggering a weird sensation in my chest.

"Right.." I said almost whispering when looking down my hands on my lap. I fiddle with my two thumbs, crossing them over and over to distract myself from my thoughts.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I hear Namjoon's voice in concern and also a bit of confusion.

"Nothing" I say trying to just move on from the situation but I could tell he wasn't about to just give it up that easily.

Feeling his two fingers grip on my chin, he then forcefully lifts my head up and turns it towards him so that he can look in my eyes. "What's wrong?" He asks again, his voice sounding a bit more stern indicating how serious he was.

"Do you not feel guilty about this Namjoon?" I ask him point blank.

There was an undeccrible expression that fell on his face. He sighs when letting his hold on me go, reaching to run his finger through his slightly groomed hair as he sits back in his seat.

He looks up at the pretty purple lights in the ceiling of his car. "Do you feel guilty, Bora?" Namjoon evades my question by deflecting it back to me.

To be honest I hadn't really thought about it much but I do feel guilty. However the more I'm with Namjoon the less guilty I feel about wanting him and that feeling in of itself makes me feel terrible.

"I can't help but feel a little guilty" I confessed to him.

The space went quiet. He looks at the ceiling for a long while in his thoughts I presume, before turning around to face me again.

"Look Bora... if this is too much for you we can just pretend this never happened and stop" He voice monotone, not really trying to show emotion even though I heard a slight wavering in his voice.

He was saying was the right thing, I knew that we shouldn't go any further than this. He was my mom's husband for god's sake, and in the long run I knew somewhere down the line I would probably end up heart broken in the end but I didn't couldn't bring myself to care about that right now.