Love Sucks, But Not Always

Chapter Four

How will you know if you're ready to go through it again?

Kasi ako... I'm not sure I'll be ready to go through it again. I don't get why other people get back with their exes when they already caused them trauma. Is love really that strong? Is it really that worth fighting for? Even when you lose yourself? Even if you break?

"Stop it, Isaiah. You're hurting me." I was almost begging him.

Love shouldn't hurt like this. Love shouldn't be like this. I should be crying in joy, not in pain. How did we become like this? Why did we end up like this?

"Bakit ba kasi hindi mo na lang iwan 'yang boyfriend mo? Wala namang kwenta 'yan." Vera said habang sabay kaming naglalakad papunta sa isang bakanteng lamesa.

Napabuntonghininga naman ako. I can't believe I'm saying this, but "I love him, Vera. I don't want to give up on him. I'm sure he'll change. Not now, but I'm sure he will."

Vera rolled her eyes at me. "You're aware that you're being stupid right now, right? You're my friend, Jairee, but please... don't be that stupid. Know better. He's not worth it. Yes, he's handsome, but that doesn't give him the right to-"

"Vera, I understand you. I do. But please understand me too."

"What should I understand? That he's hurting you? That it's okay that he keeps on hurting you? Should I understand that? Do you expect me to understand that?"

I didn't expect Vera to understand what Isaiah did. Kasi kahit ako, hindi ko rin naintindihan kung bakit niya ginawa 'yon.

"Ayos ka lang?" tanong ni Marcus. Nandito kami ngayon sa gym, pinapanood ang varsity team mag-training. I looked at him and nodded.

"Yeah. I'm fine." sagot ko at ibinalik ang tingin sa court. Nigel got 3 points for his last shot. He's good, but nobody can replace Dwight Ramos in my heart right now.

"Mamaw, Nigel!" pang-aasar ng mga kaibigan niya sa kanya at pabirong tinulak-tulak. Tumawa lang naman si Nigel atsaka tumingin sa akin.

"Kita mo 'yon? Ang galing ko 'no!" proud niyang sabi.

Sebastian looked at us and shook his head while smiling. "Malala ka na, Nigel." sabi niya habang umiiling. Tinignan naman siya ni Nigel at pabirong hinampas sa braso.

"Galingan mo muna." tawa ni Nigel kay Sebastian bago kinuha iyong bola at muling drinibble.

Mahina naman akong siniko ni Marcus kaya napunta sa kanya ang atensyon ko. "Anong ganap sa inyong dalawa ni Nigel?" pang-uusisa niya. Ang isang 'to, napaka chismoso talaga.

"Wala. We're friends... I guess. Bakit?" sagot ko sa kanya.

"Weh? Friends lang ba talaga? Kasi nagdududa ako." ngisi niya.

"Oo, Marcus. Friends lang talaga. Hanggang doon lang 'yon." sabi ko naman at tumayo na para pumasok sa susunod kong klase.

Tumayo na rin si Marcus st sumunod sa akin palabas ng gym. "Gwapo naman si Nigel ah? Matalino, mabait, magaling mag-basketball, saan ka pa?" patuloy na pagdadaldal ni Marcus nang makalabas na kami ng gym.

"That doesn't mean I want to be with him. So what kung gwapo siya? Maraming gwapo r'yan. Maraming matalino, mabait at magaling mag-basketball. Hindi lang si Nigel. The question is, can they treat me the way I deserve to be treated? Can they love me the way I deserve to be loved? Can they respect me and my decisions? Can they take 'no' as an answer? If yes, then maybe, I would want to be with them." I sighed.

Natahimik naman si Marcus. "I want someone who will treat me like a queen, Marcus. I don't want to be treated like trash again. I'm a woman, but I'm not just a woman. I want someone who will make me feel that I am enough." I don't want the kind of love I had before. That's not the love I want. That's not the love I deserve.