Love Sucks, But Not Always

Chapter Eleven

I am not pretty or sexy. I am not the ideal woman every man desires.

I thought that when I grew up, I would find a man who would love me the same way my dad loved my mom. I thought I would find a man who would take care of me. A man who will laugh with me. A man who will always assure me. A man who will make me feel safe.

But obviously, I am wrong.

All I found was a man who hurt me in every possible way and a man who made me look stupid and led me on.

I'm asking myself, when will I find a man who will give me the love I deserve?

"What are you doing here alone?" it's Tobias. I looked at him before looking at my feet again.

"Just thinking," I responded.

"May I ask what you are thinking about?"

I sighed. "Have you loved someone?" I asked him.

"Once."

"How was it?"

"It was... something I did not expect." he looked at the floor and chuckled.

"Why? What happened?" I looked at him with concern.

"I don't know. All I knew was that I gave my all. I did everything to make her feel happy. I respected her and her decisions. I- I loved her. But you know what? You will never be enough for a person who doesn't know how to be contented with you. They will always find someone better than you."

"She left you for someone?" I asked in disbelief. Tobias looked at me and slowly nodded.

"She did." he nodded. "But I don't blame her. I don't hate her. I just- I just want the best for her. I just want her to be happy. Maybe that's why I let her leave me. Because I know that she won't be happy if I don't. She will just suffer. And I don't want that for her. I want every best thing on earth for her. Even if it means letting her go." he continued.

"You're stupid." I shook my head in disappointment.

"I know." he chuckled.

Muli ko siyang tinignan. Walang mababakas na lungkot sa mukha niya ngayon kahit na ganoon ang nangyari sa kanya. Kahit na iniwan siya para sa ibang lalaki, hindi mo makikitang mayroon siyang galit na kinikimkim. He looks... happy. Genuinely happy. I'm jealous right now.

"Tobias," I called him.

He looked at me and raised a brow at me.

"Let's do it."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Let's give it a try. I want to give it a try." I said with finality.

"What do you mean? What are we giving a try?"

"This. You said you wanted to shoot your shot."

He was speechless for a few seconds. "Are you saying that... you will make me your rebound?"

"Is that what it looks like?"

"You like my friend, Jairee. And now you're saying that we should give it a try because he has someone," he emphasized.

"I'm sorry," yumuko ako. I feel so embarrassed. Really, Jairee? You're better than this.

Nagulat na lang ako nang maramdaman kong hawakan ni Tobias ang kamay ko. I slowly lifted my head to see him. He was looking at me, smiling.

"Fine. I will let you use me whenever you want. Just feel okay, okay?" he patted my head.

"Tobias-"

"I am not mad at you for deciding to use me. Don't feel guilty for doing something that you think will make you feel better. Don't feel guilty for going to lengths to feel happy again."