Admiring from ER

2-Thoughts of her

The boy luckily only had a minor back injury with a bad concussion. No risk of paralysis there, that's a bonus. We were able to help with the pain and monitor him for the concussion. He was sent home the following day.

One patient down. Endless more to go.

Down in the ER it doesn't stop; babies with colds, broken arm, dislocated knees, toddler stuck something up its nose, etc. Patients mostly all blend into one. Occasionally you will get one that stands out, something peculiar, like those who have the injuries you just cannot fathom how happened. And then there are the ones that hit close to home, they can be difficult, but you cannot let your past effect your work. Those are the ones where I have to take a deep breath, switch off the emotions and glue on a smile.

I'd like to think I'm a good doctor. I save as many lives as possible. I am good at acting sympathetic. I am good with kids when they come in, and I can be patient with the alcoholic who doesn't remember arriving the previous night.

I was always told growing up that I'd be good at helping others. I never believed them, I guess they were right. Oh well, I try not to think of the past all too much.

When I arrived home that night, I ripped off my scrubs and jumped into the shower, felling the steam surround me, clouding my thoughts, and the hot water washing off the pain of the ER. My tiredness grew, and after twenty minutes I stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my body and squeezing out my hair onto the bathmat. It nearly reached my shoulders now, and the red dye had faded to a deep purple. My brown roots were growing out, but it didn't look tacky, more like it was intentional. I'm too busy to re-dye it these days, with my life being crammed full of twelve hour shifts at work. It doesn't matter. My thoughts had carried me through to my bedroom, where I dropped the towel and got ready for bed. It was already reaching midnight, and I just wanted to sleep the day's stresses away.

Despite my adamant want to sleep my brain just wouldn't switch off and I must've been staring at the ceiling for at least an hour. My mind running over each event of the day, before finally settling on her. I had seen her very briefly as I had headed down towards the pathology area. She was rushing somewhere, not running, but briskly walking. Her brunette hair waved around a bit behind her shoulders as her steady pace continued. I felt like a teenager fangirling over the next big celebrity actor. It was silly really, but I'm okay with that.

I wondered what it'd be like to have a conversation with her. Not just a 'hello' in passing, but a full conversation. The only time I have never really spoke to her was one time she came to get someone's file from the ER for Dr House. It couldn't have lasted more than thirty seconds, but that was enough to kick-start my anxiety and force an entire population of butterflies into my abdomen. She looked almost as anxious as me. It was cute in a way. I would like to imagine that she was embarrassed because she thought I was as attractive as I found her, but in reality, it was probably because not only had she spoken to me before, but the ER was packed, and I was busy at the time. And interrupting a busy doctor is never really a good idea. I did not mind one bit. It was her.

With thoughts of her filling my mind I was finally able to fall off to sleep for a few hours before my long shift tomorrow. It was a peaceful, dreamless sleep, carrying me through the night safely.