Admiring from ER

3- Clinic duty

Dragging myself out of bed was never easy, especially when all that is awaiting you is hours of work and sick people, but every doctor has their reasons, as do I. So, despite my reluctance, up I get, and I find something that mildly resembles as formal, knowing damn well I will have to change into scrubs soon enough. Breakfast is nothing exciting, just a bowl of cereal, and I'm heading out the door.

Upon arrival, I'm informed Dr Cuddy had asked to speak to me. I cannot think of what I could've done wrong, so I anxiously wait for her just outside her office. Fidgeting with my fingers, then retorting to pulling slightly at my sleeves so I look less of a nervous mess. Which I am. She finally opens the door and gives me a smile, far too bright for nine AM, and motions for me to follow her inside. She sits down at her usual spot behind her desk, and I cautiously sit down in front of her.

"Dr Kate", she starts, "Good morning."

"Morning"

"No need to look so nervous," she chuckles, "Nothing bad, you're not in trouble."

"Right, then why am I here, may I ask?" I inquire as politely as I could, which is difficult with the nerves only just tapering off.

"You see, we are having a change around of some staff, but don't worry, you're not changing. I'm just asking if you change some of the times that you do Clinic duty?"

Wow. All that anxiety for a change of clinic duty. How stupid of me.

"Oh, of course, when would you like me to do them?"

"We need someone in today from now until noon, could you do that?"

"Of course, Dr Cuddy," I smile and shake her hand as I raise from my seat.

At that I leave and head to the locker room to put my belongings away and attach my pager. As I'm shoving the last of my belongings messily into my locker I near the door open behind me. It's her.

"Hey, Dr Kate, right?"

Oh my god, she remembers my name.

"Yes, I am she, Dr Cameron", I tease.

She laughs along and puts her things in her own locker, and I leave with a smile before I make a fool of myself. I head towards the clinic and pick up the first file. A toddler with a toy up his nose. When will they learn? Never, they will never learn.

The first few hours passed rather quickly, a large range of easily treatable illnesses and issues. And the clinic wasn't all that busy today, although I would never say that out loud, wouldn't want to jinx it. I was about to go pick up another file when my pager beeped for a consult in room two. I wasn't sure who the doctor was as I hadn't seen the other doctors on duty as I was working, but nevertheless I headed in that direction. I gently knocked on the door and waited until I heard a muffled "come in".

It was her. She was the doctor. No time to worry about that, though, there was a patient. Who was crying. Wonderful.

"Dr Cameron," I greeted, "How can I help you?"

I gave the patient a smile for good measure.

"Dr Kate, thank you for coming, this is Amelia." She gestured towards the hysterically crying girl, she couldn't be much older than twenty. Whatever had happened had clearly greatly distressed her.

I nodded along as I reached for her file.

Amelia Jones

Aged 19

History of self-harm and mental health issues; namely depression, PTSD and Generalized anxiety disorders.

While I was reading Dr Cameron was comforting the still crying Amelia. She's sweet like that.

"Okay, Amelia, how can I help you?" I redirect my question to the patient.

She pulls her sleeves further down over her hands and uses them to open her eyes and sniffs her nose a few times. Her cries had barely calmed down after a few minutes and showed no intention of stopping, so I step closer to her and crouch down to her level, where she is sat on the bed. Seeing that she does not react negatively to my presence I gently place one of my hands on her arm and softly rub trying to ground her at least a little. It seems to be working, so I continue until I think that she's calm enough to understand anything I say.

"Amelia, can you try to copy my breathing? In through the nose, and out through the mouth like you're blowing out candles. Okay. Will you try that please?"

It eventually manages to calm her down to just occasional sobs and sniffles.

"Can you tell me what happened please?"

I pass her some tissue from my pocket and wait for her to be ready to answer. She accepts the tissues and dabs at her nose with a small smile of gratitude. Sniffs again, and begins to speak, "I don't know what happened. I mean I do, but I just," she sniffs again, "I realised that I had nothing else to live for, and I. I don't know. I don't want to die. No one wants to die. I just don't want to live, y'know"

I nod along with a small smile, allowing her to finish processing her thoughts.

"I was worried I was going to do something dangerous, or stupid, or, or I don't know"

I step forward, "That's okay, okay. I'm glad you came here. I'm going to need to ask you a few questions okay, Amelia?"

She nodded.

"Have you taken anything that could be dangerous to your health?"

"No, I had some paracetamol for my headache a few hours ago, but only two"

"Okay, that's fine. How long have you been feeling like this?"

"A few days, it comes and goes but it never usually this bad."

"That's okay, like I said, I'm glad you came here, so we are able to help you."

She nods and I inform her of the protocol that we will have to follow for patients who come in feeling like that. She seems to already know a lot from what I imagine was previous visits. We got her upstairs to the ward where here mental health could be monitored until she was stable enough to leave and headed back downstairs.

Cameron cuts through the silence, "Thank you so much, I couldn't get her to calm down and, she just kept crying, and I didn't know if she had hurt herself in anyway and- just thank you."

"Anytime" I smile.

I'm pretty sure she's blushing, from the stress, or the heat, of course. As we reach towards the clinic again, I check my watch. Its quarter-past twelve. Clinic duty is over. I wave bye to Cameron and head off to my office to catch up on paperwork before my lunch break at two.