Admiring from ER

4- Innocent touch

After my hour or so of paper work, I put everything aside and get ready to go get food. I lock away all my files and close the computer. Concentration hadn't come to me easily, all I could think of was her, re-thinking my every movement and reaction, what I should have done better and worrying about if I had embarrassed myself. I probably had.

The cafeteria was strangely packed today, everyone had seemed to have flocked down at the same time, to grab lunch. I joined the end of the extended queue and waited, absent-mindedly picking at my nails.

"Hello again," a sweet voice broke through my thoughts.

Her.

"Oh, um, hi." I smile trying to cover up my embarrassment.

She laughs at my burning cheeks, "Did I scare you?"

"Yeah, ha, I didn't see you come up."

Oh come on Bee, speak properly. English. You've been doing it since you were two. She's still chuckling at me. Great.

Now I've definitely embarrassed myself.

I move up in the queue and grab myself a ham and cheese sandwich and a salad, but that seemed far too healthy for me, so I grabbed a cookie. Okay, two. And moved up again in the line, almost forgetting who was behind me. That was until she bumped into my side.

"Oh, sorry. I wasn't looking." She nodded her head in apology.

I tell her it's fine, with a smile, and turn away. Hoping she hadn't noticed how warm my cheeks had gotten, because I certainly did. I continue along the line until I'm able to pay and go off in search of a free table- which is proving to be harder than it seems in this crowded room. After a few minutes searching I find a small table free in the corner and place down my tray. As I go to take my second bite, a voice interrupts. Her voice.

"Any chance I could sit with you? I cannot find any other tables, and I don't really want to go eat in the office"

While she asks I notice a table clear up a few metres away, but choose not to say anything. Instead, I nod and motion for her to sit down with my hand. She thanks me and sits opposite me. She too had a sandwich and salad, that's something we have in common then. We could be compatible. No. Stop it Bee.

We make small talk, starting with talking about earlier patient, to then discussing other interesting patients we had worked on. It was nice. She had this sweet personality that made you want to continue speaking to her, but she was opinionated enough for the conversation to be interesting. It was wonderful.

I finish eating my sandwich and pull out one of my cookies. She just watches in amusement as my face lights up just at the sight of it. I'm a simple person to please, what can I say?

"No pudding?" I ask, as I realise she hasn't had anything else.

"No, you see, someone in front of me in the queue took the last ones" she chuckles.

Oh. Oops.

"Sorry", I laugh, then pull out the other one from my pocket and offer it her with a small smile.

She laughs again and accepts it with a thanks. We slip back into comfortable small talk, until we both need to get back to our separate jobs within the hospital. Reluctantly I stand up noticing I'd managed to push my forty-five minute lunch to closer to an hour. She follows in standing and gives me another of those small-but-breath-taking smiles. She moves towards me as we move to leave to cafeteria.

"Thanks, for the company. See you soon." She lightly places her hand on my arm as she speaks, trailing it off as she turns to leave letting her fingers drag down over my hand. Oh. My.

All flustered I head back to the Emergency Room to go back to treating patients. Hoping that doing my job will take my mind off those definitely not work appropriate thoughts.

My plan worked to an extent. I was able to successfully complete my job until I finished at six that night. Go me. I hadn't been able to stop my thoughts though.

Now I know what it's like to have a conversation with her, to work with her. What it's like to be touched by her, even if it was only innocently. It was something I never want to forget and I wish to happen a hundred times over. I got in my car and drove home with these thoughts on my mind, and so many more.

I ate my tea re-thinking everything I had said at lunch, taking in all the information she had told me all over again. Hanging on every detail, all over again. I've never cared so much about what someone had to say. If I wasn't so blinded by my admiration for her, I'd be embarrassed by myself. I should be embarrassed by myself, but I cannot bring myself to care. Because it's her.

I eventually decided that I needed to take my mind at least partially off her, so I sat down in my living room and put on the TV. I watched a few history documentaries until I fell asleep on the couch, still in my clothes. Because despite my wonderful lunch, I had still had a long and stressful day with non-stop patients and injuries. I stayed there until I woke up around midnight from the discomfort and lazily carry myself into my bedroom, strip out of my clothes and get into my inviting bed. Forgoing clothes all together to save time and quickly fall into a dream filled sleep. Dreams of her. Wonderfully distorted memories. Dreams that make me wonder how I'll ever be able to look her in the eyes again. But they're her eyes, and I could always look into hem. Those gorgeous green eyes. Eyes that I wish I could stare into all day, and wake up to in the morning.

But it's all just a wish.