Sacrament

Chapter VII: The Trial (In dialogue format)

-Court is in session for the trial of Mr. Gerald Watts! Prosecutor, your opening statement?
-Uhhh...slimes...tasty sugar-frosted slimes...
-What?
*zzzzz*
-Haha, the prosecuting attorney has fallen asleep!
-Prosecutor! I demand you wake up!
-Uhhh...Sorry, judge. My opening statement. To make sugar-frosted slimes, you need to take juice, gelatin, sugar, mint, and fresh water from the springs of Asgard. Mix all that up, place it into a spherical mold, and place the mold into a refrigerator or other cooling unit. Let it remain there overnight. In the morning, take it out of the mold, place it onto a plate, add frosting and mint leaves, serve. Done. A delicious sugar-frosted slime!
-What?
-Thanks for the recipe, sir! I've written all that down! Just one question: why is your opening statement a recipe? Isn't this a murder trial? It's not a cooking show or something.
-Ah! Sorry, sorry! I ate some sugar-frosted slime with white wine before the trial...I shouldn't have! Thank you for telling me that this is a trial, Madam Celestial Sage. I forgot. Now, my actual opening statement. Mr. Tanner Bridgington was murdered at 9:30 AM in his office. He was beheaded. The murder weapon wasn't at the scene. The only evidence was a bloodstained passport that did not belong to the victim. The passport belonged to someone named Robert Douglas. There was no photo in the passport.
-Alright, so, an ass port. The name 'Robert Douglas' is very common in this country, judging by the data gathered by Silverwing Technology. If there is no photo, there should be other methods of identification on that ass port, such as the owner's age, as well as the country the ass port is from.
-The country the passport is from is this one, the Byzantine Empire. The owner's age is 42 years old.
-Alrighty! Let me open up Silverwing Technology's database. Hmmm... There are 179 people in the Byzantine Empire named Robert Douglas. 9 of them are currently 42 years old. Let me see info about each one. #1 is a beauty salon worker who has a wife and two daughters. #2 is a petty criminal with no significant other or children who is currently in prison. #3 is a funeral parlor employee who is currently divorced and has a son. His son, Jack, currently lives with his ex-wife. #4 is a colleague of the victim, one daughter, had her out of wedlock with a woman named Emma before dumping her and leaving her to care for the girl. The victim's wife Marla was cheating on the victim with him after he and Emma broke up. I think that we've got our guy. I'll not read out the data of the other five Roberts Douglases, as they are obviously irrelevant to this case.
-Where did you get all this data?
-Sir Judge, it's from Silverwing Technology's database. Silverwing Technology is an intel-gathering organization that keeps records of all the people in the Byzantine Empire for times like these. It is completely legal and works together with Asgard.
-Asgard? Isn't that a fictional place?
-No, it's real. I'm from there.
-Oh, I see. I just never knew that Asgard was real. Judging by how it was described, I always thought it was a legend!
-It's not. I, Rudion, my friends, and my sister are all from there!
-Alright. Now, let's continue the trial.
-I shall summon my first witness, Mr. Robert Douglas!
-Hello, court! I am Robert Douglas. I work at Marigold Real Estate.
-Now, proceed with your testimony.
-I was in office the day of the murder. I was writing a work email. I heard screams from Mr. Bridgington's office. I ran to the office to find him dead, Mr. Watts standing over his corpse! I was terrified and ran away. I called the police, and they arrested Mr. Watts.
-Now, time for the cross-examination!
*Mr. Douglas restates his testimony.*
-Weak spot exposed! Mr. Bridgington was murdered by beheading. There was no way he could've screamed! He was murdered with one blow!
-It's 'objection', not 'weak spot exposed'...
-Wait, wait, wait. What if Mr. Bridgington screamed before the murder, like, upon seeing that Mr. Watts took out a weapon?
-Ugh...
-Out of arguments, pointy-eared child? Who even allowed you into the courtroom in the first place!? You're, like, ten years old!
-Weak spot exposed! People don't usually scream upon seeing someone take out a weapon! There is a very low chance that he screamed upon simply seeing a weapon. There were no other wounds on the victim's body, so, he couldn't have screamed because the murderer dealt non-fatal damage to him.
-Ah!
-Hehehe.
-So, Mr. Douglas, you are a liar. Hee hee.
-No! I'm not a liar! I didn't hear any screams! I only heard a chop sound and the sound of something heavy falling on the ground!
-Hee hee. You are a liar nevertheless. Before this, you said that you heard screams. But, now, you are saying that there were no screams, and you said that just because we found the hole in your story.
-Stop badgering the witness, little brat!
-There are no badgers in the courtroom. They are cute, but, there are no badgers here. They don't belong here.
-That's not what I meant...!
-Also, Mr. Douglas, Silverwing Technology says that you did not need to write any work emails that day!
-Yes, I did! Shut up! Silverwing Technology is a database for the spreading of misinformation!
-Celestial Wrath! The door to Mr. Bridgington's office was locked that day! There was no way you could've opened it without a key! The only way you could've gotten in was breaking it down, as the only people who have a key are Mr. Bridgington and the custodians. It was found broken down, but, why would you bring a tool to break down the door? If you saw it was locked, why didn't you go to a custodian and either ask them for a key or ask them to check on Mr. Bridgington?
-I...uh...
-Liar, liar, pants on fire!
*At that exact moment, one of the lightbulbs in the courtroom lighting broke, creating sparks that lit Robert Douglas's pants on fire.*
-I admit it! I killed Mr. Bridgington! I wanted his wife to be mine! If I killed Mr. Bridgington and blamed Mr. Watts, Marla would receive her husband's insurance payment, and we would run away together! I went to the workplace early that day, knowing that only, I, Mr. Watts, and Mr. Bridgington would be there. I brought a huge axe with me, went to Mr. Bridgington's office, broke down the door, and beheaded him! I then ran away and called the police! Mr. Watts was found near the crime scene, so, he was arrested. By the way, about the passport, it fell out of my pocket when I swung my axe at Mr. Bridgington. I confess! Just, please, stop the pain! Put out the fire on my pants! Torturing me to make me confess was unnecessary!
-I don't know how to. Bailiff, deal with this guy.
*A bailiff took a fire extinguisher and put out the fire on Mr. Douglas's pants.*
-Ugh, thank god! It hurt so much!
-I shall announce the verdict for Mr. Watts: Not Guilty!
-Mr. Gaara, I couldn't be more grateful to you for defending me!
-You should be grateful to Astra. I just stood by doing nothing, while she was the star of the courtroom.
-Yes! I am grateful to her too! By the way, is she a defense attorney too?
-No, she isn't.
-How was she so good at performing the duties of one, then? Plus, she's probably a kid.
-It's because I taught her. Also, she's not a kid.
-Oh, I see. Thanks to you both!
-You're welcome, Mr. Watts!
*Astra hugs Mr. Watts.*
*Everyone leaves the courtroom.*