Oneshots/Incorrect Quotes/Headcanons

A Journey - 1 - Kagaya and Amane

Within a blink of an eye, countless lives had passed. Generations after generations, one fantasy after another, all felt like a second.

She was always there. A presence ever so constant in his never-ending journey.

Kagaya likes to call it that. Journey. He won’t remember a trip once it had passed, his soul no longer lingering once it had done it’s purpose, his name be forgotten from any literature it once touched. A simple fresh start, a blank page or canvas ready to be brought to life with strokes of a brush.

It doesn’t bother him, you can’t ponder about things you can’t recall.

He’s occupied with his purpose. To lead. Be a leader. Be their guide. That’s what he was always born with. Be it a past life where he was heralded as King or a life where they call him a teacher.

That was his role. He never got tired of it. You can’t feel a burden you don’t remember having. All lives felt so fleeting, he thought the same too when he woke up near death’s door.

He was in the Taisho Era. With a life filled a curse that ate his body away. He couldn’t focus on that, he couldn’t be selfish and think of himself only. Not when he has to lead again. Be their Oyakata-sama with whatever ticking clock he had. It was a persistent instinct.

He could not raise his voice against it. How could he when he his mind loses all that there is to say?

When he sets his eyes on the very thing that solidifies his position, he doesn’t think of the countless past lives and immeasurable memories he experienced, what he thinks about are his ancestors that kept the legacy and leadership alive. With whatever short lives they have.

Past lives, couldn’t ever hold me down

Sometimes, Kagaya finds himself hating that. He thinks that it’s a bit justified to want to live longer, to be selfish, to be happy. Everything just felt too short, too cruel that he watched his family succumb to it’s weight. He wouldn’t want to wish this upon others.

Then he saw her. The Priest was leading her to him. He doesn’t need to have the memories of the past he’ll never retrieve, all he needed was his stupid heart.

It was her. It was always her. The constant in his lives, the moon to his sun, the heavens of his abyss. Names and faces may differ but the eyes will never. He yearned for her, such unfathomable emotion he had kept locked in a glass bottle.

The bottle was in the verge of falling apart.

He wanted to hold her hand to make it known that they’re both not alone in a world that is moving too fast. For once, he wished to follow his emotions and start the wedding there and then. But who was he to bring upon this curse to her?

She should leave. She’ll get hurt. She shouldn’t be near him.

“Amane-san, if you don’t like this, I’ll say no to this whole thing.”

But she recognized him. Her smile speaks volume even when he hasn’t heard her voice yet.

“I wouldn’t want you to be alone Kagaya-sama, you know that.”

The bottle finally broke to pieces. It always did.

Lost love, sweeter when it’s finally found

The wedding came forth simply three days later. It wasn’t grandeur, it wasn’t shabby but it was enough. Everything is enough, right at that moment. She was there with him after all. She will always be the one he stands next with in front of the altar- the shrine, or the people.

She was chosen because she had the capability to take care of him, she was his caretaker and bearer of a heir for their lineage. He sees past that, like he has always done. She was his equal, was she not? She was the mother of his children, by blood or not. She stood in his place when he could no longer do. She lead them just like he did.

She must suffer the way he did too.

That’s what she has always been, a pillar of her own making. The same will happen here, his heart just knows it.

He’ll be useless again.

But she reassures him, their children gives him little flower crowns the moment they learned. They were their little stars shining brightly in the heavenly skies. Their children.

He cried when she told him, he almost fainted when he learned they have five, five children in one single day. He knew early on that even a single child can hurt so much, what about five? They call them quintuplets, they were twins, but five. Such number wrapped itself around them, the few minutes he spent standing idly weren’t for naught.

They all looked like her, they had her hair, her eyes- oh her strange yet mesmerizing eyes…

“Amane…love…you made it, they’re here…” His lips quivering, he stayed near her with a gaze holding onto dear life, she just looked so exhausted.

“Kagaya-sama, are they f..fine?” Amane breathed heavily. She should be resting. He should tell her that…yes he should.

“My love, please rest- I will…I will look after them- I don’t want to lose you too.”

He lost his father from a rope and guilt, his own brothers set their home in flames, his mother wouldn’t stand back. If anything, she was all he has.

But she smiled, as weak as she was, it was there.

“I didn’t know you can be..can be so worried about me Kagaya..”

He felt her hand touching his cheek, he didn’t know he was shedding tears. “I’ve always been worried, you..you never let me worry, let me be a husband to you…please..”

“…you are Kagaya, and I love you so...go meet them..they’re waiting for their father…” Her eyes close like a curtain, her hand fell limp as she succumbs into a slumber. A long one he supposes.

Nonetheless, his love for them is deeper than the oceans. How could he turn away from fruits of their vows? He will raise them, he will show them a much beautiful world, he swore and set it in stone that they will grow old, older than he can. He will give them such colorful life, in contrast to his black and white one. Though red never seems to leave the picture.

As kind as the gods had been to them, they were just as ruthless. He couldn’t even enjoy their warmth, his stars and his sunshine.

Sometimes he wishes things weren’t set in the plains of Fate. He wishes he was actually useful. He wishes he didn’t have to resort to explosion. He wishes to just kiss his children goodnight, to sleep with his lovely wife and to wake up. He wishes there wasn’t such a curse gnawing at his existence.

Why must he be alive? Why is that monster enjoying meals like the Emperor when he, someone with the same blood, suffer? Why must EVERYONE suffer for him?

Why?

“I am unfortunately yet undeservedly loved by my demon hunters..the Pillars in particular.”

This is it. This is where it all ends. He may not see yet he feels. Amane’s arms who have supported him endlessly are wrapped around him, his two eldest playing well, even if the intention was to distract the monster. It was all he could ask for, he at least deserves this right? Surrounded by his family.

“So if you kill me, the morale of the Demon hunters will be higher than ever…”

Muzan raised his claws, already pushing him to the death’s door, he feels his aura. Such…abomination. The very thing that had chipped away so many lives.

“Are you done talking?”

“Yes…though I wasn’t expecting you to actually listen to me. Thank you Muzan.”

At his vey last moments, what flashed in his eyes weren’t the memories of familiarity and despair, nor the unspoken journey. It was his children, his wife- Oh god im so sorry…please forgive me..you didn’t deserve this

His last memory of them with the light still in his eyes, was his birthday. He wondered how they would’ve looked like if they had been born into a normal family. Would they have been happy? Would they have grown up into wonderful children? Would they…no, they wouldn’t be so burdened by this…

He wouldn’t be able to-

“I love you Amane. I’ll always choose you…” He whispered with the remaining life in him. He will give it all to say such words to her. It’s all his useless body can ever do. He still smiled.

“Kagaya—”

Unspoken and unheard words. I’m sorry Amane. He apologizes once again. We’ll meet again, I know for sure. Then you’ll be able to tell me what you wanted to say. He firmly believes it, and she’s the first person he’ll look for, then his children, then…

'I’ll be home.'