The silent girl from class...

Her inner pain

"Pia? Why don't you want to be alone?"asks the police officer after a while.
"The voices... They would take over my head and i don't know what is happening then." she said.
"The voices? What are they saying?"
"Something like: Kill them. Destroy them. They have to pay for their actions."
"What happens then?"
"Everything turns black. I don't know whats up then. I only can hear imaginary noises. Something like someone's getting stabbed or shooted. And then i open my eyes and stare at my hands which are shaking wild. I call this the "Murderer-Phase that i don't see"." she said.
"That sounds really serious. Who knows about these phases?" he asked while he writes something down in his notepad. Quietly she answered: "Just you...".
He looked up in surprise. "Why are you telling me things no one else knows?"
"You seem to be here for me even though we don't really know each other."
"You can tell me everything okay? If the voices return too." "Really?" she looked up. "Yes." he smiled at her softly. A slight smile crossed her lips.
Suddenly she was staring at the floor, holding her head. "They.. they are back... the voices... You have to go! Otherwise i will hurt you!" she screamed at him.
He stood up, left the cell and locked the door, Er stand auf und ging aus der Zelle und schloss die Tür zu, but stopped in front of it and observed her behavior.
First she was quiet. Then she let go of her head. She stood up and raised her head. The officer looked right in her eyes and stapped back. Her eyes had something scary and she smiled. He wrote everything down fast. Then she screamed and sank on the floor. It came monotonously from her like a robot: "Murder. He has to die. He knows it." Then she stood up again and took a knife from her pocket. She walked to the door and pointed the knife at the officer. "Die. You know about my psychopathic side. Nobody should know that." she said quietly and stared at the officer with the knife in her hand. If he did not know that he locked the door, he would run for his life. She looked like a real murderer. The words came out of her mouth naturally and the look was more real than he had seen in any murderer before.
Suddenly her look wandered down to her hands and the knife fell down. He lokked at her hands. She shaked like she had been outside in minus temperatures in the woods for 5 days. Then she started crying. He carefully walks towards the door.
"Pia?" he asked quietly.
"Thats it... the phase has end..." she sat down, he unlocked the door and took away the knife.
"Is it always like that?" "Yes."
"I wrote down everything. We will contact the psychiatry so you get a treatment okay?"
"Okay..." she stared at the floor the whole time. He sat down beside her and took her ice cold hand in his.
"It will be alright. Even if that was really scary. I've never seen anyone say those words so naturally, let alone point the knife at a cop so confidently with that psychopathic look. Even i got scared." he said and a shiver went down his spine again when he thought of her look.
"Sorry. I just want to live a normal life. But these phases make it quite difficult. It's also hard to hide them in front of others. Often i just cut myself with the knife when this phase came up. Then it stopped but sometimes i'm not fast enough." she said.
It was serious. He knows this. Before this phase he thought it was overreacting but now he takes it serious.
"That's what the scars come from?"
"Yes. What did you thought?" she asked and looked at him.
"Oh well maybe selfharm because of depression or something. That's what i thought. I didn't know that you go through such hard phases." he said embarressed.
"It's ok. Many people are thinking that. It's understandable. It looks like that and i tell people often that it's from depression. Even though it's something completely different."
"It's hard to keep it as a secret right?" he asked.
"Yes. When someone asks me about the scars i have to control myself. I don't want to hurt innocent people." she said.
"Yes that's understandable. Nobody wants this. But some people have an issue with their brain so that they can't control their body all the time. I think that's also your issue. But we still have to find it out." he took her in his arms to comfort her.

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Let's look if i write another chapter. :)