Number Six: Ben

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My sweet sweet Ben, Number Six. He was a light in my life. Truly my compass for my whole life. We became attached to each-other from a very young age. The bestest of friends, partners in crime during missions. I admired how kindhearted yet brave he was. He's a complete sweetheart, but don't ever let that fool you. He's also a badass. One thing I remember is that we used to stay up late reading under the covers late at night, laughing like the little kids we were supposed to be, but instead we also had to be terrified dad would catch us. We would hang out all the time. He'd never judge me growing up. I told him damn near everything when we were kids. He knew every little thing about me. My weaknesses, my interests, my dirty little secrets. This never changed, not once. Even after my dear brother was sadly taken by a terrible misfortune. Of course that didn't last long, because I couldn't live without him. I needed him, he knew that, I think. The ghost boy continued to stay by my side for the rest of time. He went on all my little adventures with me. Watching as I got high and fell low. Watching every time I got arrested or got brought into rehab. He always had something to say. He meant well of course, only trying to help me, but of course I didn't take it that way. He was there for all my ODs and hookups and falls off the deep end. For every few good thing that came in my life. For all my episodes and breakdowns, every panic attack I would have, Ben was there. I always thought it was my fault, like I'd forced him to stay with me the whole time. I mean, I was terrified of letting him go, so I had never wished for him to leave me. Turns out he didn't want to either. My brother is and always has been my rock in life. I took a lot out on him over time, I regret that. I think he knew I never meant what I'd said. Benny knew me better than I even knew myself most the time. He was always strong in my eyes, brave. He saw the good in me, not many people ever really did that. Not a day passes that I don't think about him. All those years together and now were apart again. Doesn't seem or feel right to me. We weren't supposed to be seperated, shouldn't be. I'd do anything to see him smile again. 

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