Cut To The Feeling (Reader x Professor Ren / Kylo Ren)

Let's Do Some Living After We Die

You were staring at the visibly antique hardwood of his front door. You examined the twists and curves of the scattered lines of age that it had, following each one all the way down its entire length and then moving on to the next one. You were stalling.

Hard.

You didn't want to knock. You didn't know if he would answer. If he had meant what he had said, he wouldn't answer, but every fiber of your being pulled you here--to his doorstep where you were now trying to calculate the age of a tree that his door had been crafted from. He had a video surveillance doorbell, so he probably knew you were there. He was probably looking at the notification on his phone groaning because you were standing on his doorstep sweating profusely. You had walked here after all. 

Your face was red and puffy from incessant tears, and now it was red and hot because you felt like you were going to throw up. You hadn't seen him in so long. And the last time hadn't been a positive one. He had been so livid with you. So cold. So mean. You should have hated him, and you should have stayed far away from him. And of course you had found some resolve when you visited home. But now, nothing made sense. Everything was falling apart. Your best friend had showed a new light of herself, something that you had no idea she was capable of, and through that, it was revealed that she was the root cause of what would possibly make you leave school. And the reason you were standing on Kylo Ren's porch absolutely terrified to knock on his door. Just over a month ago, you were going into his home with no issue, not even knocking on the door, sleeping in his bed and doing things like taking baths with him. And now you were counting the lines ingrained in the wood of his door to avoid knocking. It was a very confusing and frustrating time. 

You took a deep breath and lifted your fist to the door, slamming your knuckles against it three solid times. You could feel the contents of your stomach rising as soon as you made contact with the door--overwrought and afraid. You stood there for what seemed like ages, but in reality, it was only a couple of minutes. Of course, that was way longer than was normal for him or anyone else to answer a door. 

Maybe he wasn't home. Maybe he went back to New York. Maybe he just truly meant it when he said you wouldn't see him again. But something in you refused to believe it to be true--something in you told you that he was home and that he needed to see you. 

So, you knocked again three more times, even more aggressive this time. There was still no answer. You didn't want to be that person, but he hadn't changed his gate code, and you were already on his property....so, you walked off of the porch and made your way to the backyard. 

You ducked through the brush to enter his private oasis. You looked around--not on the loungers, not in the pool or hot tub, not at the table or bar. Your shoulders dropped, and you sighed, losing hope. He had been serious. He had meant it. 

You turned around, starting to climb through the brush when you heard a door open, and a familiar voice call out your name with agitation. 

You stopped midway climbing through the bush and looked back over your shoulder with doe eyes and parted lips, suddenly feeling incredibly embarrassed over the nervousness. 

There stood Kylo in the threshold of his home. He was wearing black sweatpants with a matching black t-shirt, and his hair was messy and appeared to be unwashed. He looked tired with dark crescents under his seemingly darker, blacker eyes. His face was sunken, more pronounced than ever, and his brows were knit tightly together as he scowled at you. His arms crossed over his chest, and you stood up straight, turning to face him.

Though he looked rough and unkempt and he was frowning at you, your heart fluttered and lit up at the sight of him. Seeing him again was a treat, and you were grateful for it no matter the circumstance.