Walk a Mile

"Let's talk."

Loki reached out quickly to catch his falling body. His thoughts ran with why Tony had suddenly collapsed before he settled on the obvious reason. The only reason. Tony was seeing a memory.  It took every bone in his body for him not to leave the room. To put him back in his chair and leave the room and then avoid him at all costs.
Instead he found himself sliding down with Tony and settling onto the floor. He put them in a comfortable position and tried to think about anything other than what memory the genius could be watching.
He stared at his face. A thin sheet of sweat covered his forehead. His pale skin looked even worse. Like he had just gone to Hel then Asgard then back again. "To think our fighting could trigger a memory. I hope you're happy Anthony." Loki dragged a hand over his face. "I know they were."
There were so many things that happened to him. So many memories to choose from. "Please be a good one." A good one would be him stabbing Thor as a snake. Unfortunately it wasn't. The memory in question was a bad one. One that has forever scarred Loki.
He was in a throne room. Standing on the sidelines. In the middle of the room was Loki. In front of him was a burly man. They seemed to be doing something. Something everyone in the room visibly enjoyed. He didn't recognize many of the others but he took quick note of Thor, Odin, and Frigga. Tony walked further to get a better view. What he saw was something that he thought could only be seen in movies. Loki's mouth was being sewed shut. A hand flew over his mouth in sheer surprise and horror.
He scanned the room again. Just to make sure that people were actually smiling and he didn't imagine it. "What the hell is wrong with these people? Why aren't they stopping this?!" He looked up at the throne. Odin and Frigga watched on. Neither of them made any inclination to stop the madness. 'Odin was supposed to be his father. How can he watch this with such a sick grin. I thought all mothers could at least have some love for their child but she looks as cold as ice.' Tony reluctantly turned back to the god in the center of the room.
'How can they watch this?' He locked eyes with memory Loki. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. Looking like they would spill over at any second.They didn't. Not one. He was pleading with his eyes to the 'gods' behind him. To his mother and father. At this point Tony looked away. The blood that dripped down his face and the tears that were begging to fall were too much. Tony's gaze wandered over to Thor.  
He knew Thor couldn't see or hear him but the words came out anyway. He stomped across the room to the thunderer. "For all the talk about Loki being your dear brother you sure didn't do anything to stop this!" Thor just laughed harder. Bent over at the waist laughing with, what Tony thought, were his friends. Tony had to hold back the urge to slap the memory. To scream more.
Something told him to turn around though. He didn't want to. Too scared to see what was happening to the god. But he had to. With one more glare shot at Thor he turned to face the humiliated god. What he saw made his heart ache further. Made his blood run cold. A single tear.
A single tear ran down his face. 'Please make this stop. I've seen enough.' Tony was ready for the memory to end. He got it now. Message received. Denied. The memory continued to play. With each thread that got pulled through Tony flinched. His hand flew to his lips again. A phantom pain flared. He wanted to run and rip them apart but knew he couldn't. He took one last look at the faces in the room. Each person wore a look of enlightenment. None more so than Thor and Odin. The latter was wiping tears of laughter away. Again his face bunched up in disgust.
"How can you all be so cruel?" He asked. He received no reply.
Like usual the memory blurred around him and silently he hoped it didn't show another. Too scared to find out what it would be. When he opened his eyes he was back in the lab. On the floor with his head on Loki's shoulder. Loki had manifested a melancholy air. Tony thought the man looked even more dour than ever before.
"I don't want to know what you saw. I don't want your pity." Loki couldn't raise his head to meet Anthony's eyes. Not like before.
Tony nodded. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He sat there gathering his thoughts for a minute before speaking. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. "I won't bring it up again."  The silence that fell was as thick as the smog of hel. Both their minds were reeling.
'There had to be tons of memories like that for him to never want to return.' Just the thought of it made him shudder. Just watching it was enough to scar Tony. Loki actually went through it. With that thought he had to hold back the urge to search for a mirror to check if there were scars. But if there were he would have noticed them by now. Unless they were glamoured. A glamour that never faded.
"We should get to sleep. It's late." The stoic man stood and quickly headed for the door. The genius was so lost in thought he almost slipped getting up from the floor.
"Wait Loki."
"No."
"Can you just-"
"No."
"I just want-"  
"NO!" He took several deep breaths before he turned around. Loki's head still faced the floor. "Whatever it is can wait."
"I just wanted you to drop the illusion." He pushed past the god and walked the rest of the way to the door but stopped short of leaving. "Blue is better."
With that he left the god standing in the lab. He knew the god was distraught, upset, maybe even scared. He also knew it might not have been the best time to ask for him to drop the illusion on his skin. Tony thought the subject change would distract him. That it would be better than thinking about the stranger that was watching your life. Loki didn't need to be so rude about it. 
________
10:30
Tony had found Loki reading a book on the floor in the living room after breakfast. He did want to talk about the memory but also didn't. God forbid he saw Thor. He might just shoot him through a window. Loki Style.
"Hey buddy."
"Anthony." Came the curt reply. "What do you want?"
"I want a lot of things. A number of things you can't do for me. Not in our current state at least." He winked.
Loki rolled his eyes at the insinuation. "Seriously though, I want you to lower the glamour. As much as I love your green eyes I like the red better." Tony had to hold back the laugh that bubbled up at Loki's reaction. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.His mouth opened and closed at a loss for words.
"Fine." And slowly the blue color returned. Tony found himself smiling. 'Here I was worried that the memory would change things. How ridiculous of me.' Loki was more than relieved by this.
"Thanks Lokes."
He finally looked up and met the genius' gaze. "So....you like my red eyes."
Tony smirked down at him. "Among other things."
The blush that spread across Loki's face was scarlet. His heart beat so fast it could race in NASCAR. 'What the hel?' He threw the now irrelevant book onto the couch and raced after the genius.
"Wait Anthony." He was too far to hear. Either that or he ignored him.  Loki was forced to follow the man all the way to his room.  Tonys room was off on its own side of the compound. Away from all the others. 'Probably because he built the place.'
He knocked on the door thrice. It swung open.
"Oh. What's up Loki?" Tony smiled enthusiastically
It was at that moment Loki realized he didn't need anything. There wasn't something he wanted to talk about either. He had raced after the man for no reason.
"I was just wondering what we were going to do today. I'm bored." He patted himself on the back for the quick reply.
"Oh. I didn't have anything planned other than to work on the suits. Come in and I'll show you some of the designs I drew." Tony opened the door all the way for the other man and walked further into the room. Tony led him to a coffee table and couch.
On the table lay sheets upon sheets of blueprints and schematics.
"Are all of these for an iron man suit?" Loki said in awe.
"Most of them. This one won't be like the others in a number of ways. Look, this is the latest one for me, because you weigh less than me, somehow, it'll hypothetically give you more power in the thrusters. And blasts. Which is a good thing because you don't have an arc reactor to draw energy from."
Loki hummed along with interest. "You really are a genius. So ahead of everyone."
Tony looked at the god with a strange gaze. Curiosity. 'Jealousy? Is he envious?'
Loki wasn't envious or jealous. He was just sad that his own intelligence wasn't revered.
"I suppose so. Now look here," Anthony excitedly ran around to the other side of the table. "Deadpool is always getting riddled with bullets so I reached out to Black Panther."
"The King of Wakanda." Said with slight surprise.
"I know right. He was like 'Sure Deadpool's cool. Oh Loki too? Here's a little.  By chance is Spider-Man there? He is!? Take as much vibranium as you need.' So we have enough of it to cover all of the suits in it!" Loki smiled fondly at seeing the man so excited.
"I wasn't aware you guys were so close. Something you aren't telling me?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
He chuckled dryly. "No, we just did a job there once. Got rid of some  serial killer that thought they could murder innocent kids."
"Oh damn. What did T'Challa do after?"
"He found us standing over their bodies, as one does, and thanked us. Deadpool damn near sliced him up when he appeared. Lookin back on it now, it was hilarious when he saw me. 'Is that you Mr.Loki?' He froze. I think he had to hold back his guards." Loki had to hold back the laughter that was trying to fall out.
"We kept in touch. Princess Shuri would send upgrades to Spider-Man and Deadpool. And I would work with T'Challa to improve my image. With the occasional upgrade to my armor."
"Now I'm questioning how it took so long to find out you were here. I mean, you were doing jobs with fuckin' Deadpool! And it's not like you were using magic to change your appearance. You were running around the world KILLING people with your own face. It's just mind bending."
Loki rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Do you track Deadpool?"
"Hell no. We're not stupid. Wait, no, I think Nat does."
"Well there's your answer. Like you said I didn't hide what I was doing. You guys just didn't look." They locked eyes. That burning fire was back.
"Are you... mad that I kill people? I know its not something The Avengers condone."
Anthony turned thoughtful. "Maybe some of us. I, for one, know that sometimes justice only comes in death. And when others are too scared to do the deed, people like Deadpool come and do it for them."
"Is that why you leave DP alone?'
"That and the fact that he's crazy."
"He's not crazy." Loki paused for dramatic effect. "He's batshit insane."
"Proving my point even more." They shared a laugh. "Back to the suits, I noticed all of Deadpool's suits were made of leather. I can't imagine it feeling good on the skin or easy to move around in. So I figured we could use nanotechnology to make it feel softer. Like a glove."
"Wade spends the majority of his time wearing his suit so this would be a great improvement. Would it be as tight?"
Tony walked over to the small bar in the corner of the room. "I didn't think about that. How tight is it now, on a scale of 1 to 10?"
"Probably a 7." Tony came back over to the couch with two drinks. Scotch for himself and Brandy for the god.
"Mhm. Guess we'll have to discuss that part with him."
"What about Spider-Man's suit?"
"I figured we could do the same to his. Use nanotech and vibranium."
"Anthony, I understand that you want to give the suit to me after we switch bodies," The inventor nodded excitedly. "But I wouldn't use it. I fight with my magic and knives. So you can put the vibranium on a suit for your own body."
Anthony pouted before he smiled again. An idea had just come to mind. "Or we could make you new battle armor." He reached out for a random tablet nearby. Opened it up and started drawing. "The one you wear now is cute and all but it could be better."
"Put that down. Focus on one thing at a time. Before we plan anything else we should finalize what you already have."
The genius was practically bouncing in his seat. "I haven't been this excited since Bucky came to the tower and I got to make him a new arm."
"That was years ago."
"Exactly don't judge me too much."
Loki scoffed. "Who am I to judge?"
Anthony cleared his throat awkwardly. "Let's get the others and we can start working."
"What's the rush? You said you haven't been this excited since Bucky came? Savor it. Let's talk."
"Talk?" Loki nodded. "About what? The weather?"
"While that would be a fascinating topic, no. I was thinking about something more meaningful like life and death, about god, magic, and modern society."
"Well that sounds like I'm going to need another drink."
Loki chuckled. "I'd like for you to remember our conversation."
"I didn't say I'd grab the bottle. Would you like another?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Suit yourself." He sat down beside the man. Kicked off his shoes and crossed his legs. "Make yourself comfortable."
"Do you mind if I change?"
"Into my clothes? Um sure." Loki got up and headed in the direction of Anthonys room. "Just don't do anything weird." He rolled his eyes as he closed the door behind him.
Loki's eyes scanned the room. It kind of reminded him of the room he locked up in when they had kidnapped him. But it had a bit more personality.
"I expected more from Anthony Stark." He walked to the doors of what he thought was the walk in closet. Upon sliding open the doors he was pleasantly surprised to see a normal sized wardrobe.
'So you can be humble.' He thought. Loki searched through the closet and didn't find anything comfortable. About to walk out something caught his eye. It had the same sliding doors. "I take that back." He walked over to the doors and slid them open. Inside was a walk-in closet. From first glance Loki could tell this was his actual wardrobe.
Inside were sweatpants, track suits, and anime and band t-shirts. Exactly what he was hoping for. Loki walked towards the shirts and flipped through them. He wasn't looking for anything particular, just something green. He found it in a Slytherin Snake crew neck. After that he went over to where he saw a pair of black joggers.
Having heard the man walk out of the room Anthony looked up and gave the god a once over before coming to the conclusion the man needed clothes that fit. "Comfortable now? You know you can take my clothes. There's no need to buy more." 
Loki nodded and walked back over to the 'Love Seat'. "Very. Then you can do the same." 
Anthony grimace. "I already bought the clothes though. It wasn't much."
"Can you return them?" Anthony shook his head. "Then I will pay you back when I get more money. At present I am almost broke."
"It's fine." Before it could become awkward Anthony changed the subject. "You said you wanted to talk about something."
"Yes. I want to have a deeper conversation with you. To get to know you as a person. While I can see your memories, they are your past selves and tell me little about the person you are today."
"Will I be learning about you as well?"
"Naturally. You may ask me anything you like and I will try to answer to the best of my ability."
"Alright then, hit me with your first question."
"Humans don't live a long life like most other species. What are your views on life? Do you live in the moment? Do you have many regrets?"
    Tony took a deep breath in through the nose and exhaled out through the mouth. This was going to be a long conversation if he was to answer truthfully.
"To answer that I feel like we'd have to look back at my childhood."
"Why?"
"Because the past is what shapes us. My childhood wasn't the best." Anthony turned his head to look out the window. The birds flying above the trees that surrounded the compound looked more free than he ever felt.  "My father was.... he was an abusive asshole. He treated my mother with tenderness but treated me like shit. It continued until they died when I was twenty-one."
Anthony looked back at Loki. The eyes that were so familiar to him didn't look the same. "No 'sorry for your loss, sorry you had to go through that'?" He said awkwardly.
"I never got why you humans said that. It's already happened and I don't imagine you care for what I have to say. I'm sure you've had that phrase so many times it's lost all meaning, all the care."
"Thank you. Someone else who gets it."
"Are you going to answer the question?" Loki asked but quickly followed it with, "That came out rudely. Sorry."
Anthony chuckled lightly before continuing. "The way he treated me fucked with my view on life. It changed. I went from optimistic to pessimistic and cynical. We only have one life to live and people walk around doing nothing, acting like assholes, or just dying."
"And how do you live your life, Anthony?"
"Dangerously. I like taking risks. The thrill of it all gets me high. I once jumped off the roof of Stark Industries because I thought it looked cool in anime."
Loki gave the man a knowing look. "Okay, you got me, it wasn't the only reason. Silently I was hoping to hit the pavement. J, had overridden my override and activated the suit half way down."
"Mhm. At the start of this conversation you said we would have to look at your childhood. We did. And somehow I can't see how it shaped your view on life?"
"Like I said, Howard was an asshole. He kept me sheltered and didn't let me do much of anything. I couldn't be out of his sight for more than ten minutes. I would try to meet his unruly standard but nothing was ever good enough. It wasn't until college that I could actually live. I needed to do everything I knew he wouldn't allow."
The fire that shone in Loki's red eyes was almost unfamiliar to him. It had been so long since he had pulled a face like that. Loki was stunned.
"I understand."
"Mhm. Your turn."
"I've found that life is pointless unless you're making use of it.  We 'gods' live for centuries and do almost nothing with our time. There have been many a time where I have tried to end my life because I thought it was pointless." Loki shook his head with disappointment. "Do you have a question for me?"
"You put air quotes up when you said 'gods', why?"
Loki chuckled darkly. "Odin once said to me "We are not gods. We're born, we live, we die, just as humans do." The only reason we are gods is because humans gave us the term. Because we could do things they couldn't. It's also the reason we left the humans alone."
"Do..."Anthony hesitated. He wasn't sure how Loki would react to his question. "Do you still think of yourself as a god?"
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But what the humans don't know won't hurt them." Loki smirked. "So we spoke about life, what do you think happens after death?"
"How morbid are you?" Anthony asked, a bit taken aback.
"Very."
"Well if you haven't guessed already I'm an atheist. I don't think anything will happen. Or at least I hope there isn't anything."
"Why's that?"
"Because after everything that life has thrown at me I would want to do nothing but rest. What do you think?"
"I know what comes after. All Asgardians, Æsir, and Vanir know what comes after. No, I will not tell you." Anthony pouted at being denied the knowledge.
"Fine. You've been here for years now. Living like a semi-normal human. What do you think of humanity? Like our society? Our progress?"
"Humanity has come a long way but also hasn't moved at all. I think humanity has a lot to offer but is too wound up in itself to notice. Example one, you." Anthony raised one of Loki's elegant eyebrows. "I mean no disrespect when I say that. You, who is so far ahead of everyone, noticed what you had to offer and gave it your all. You made something out of yourself and gave it to a selfish world."
"You think humans are selfish?"
"Are you saying you don't?"
"I never said that, I just want you to explain why you think that?"
"How can I not? A country's citizens are starving and asking for help, do you know what your government said? They said, 'No, we have to feed our people first plus you're not our problem.' Even though food is in abundance."
"You calling all of humanity selfish because some dickwad-"
"No, I am judging by thousands of years of watching humans. What do you think I was doing before Odin took me?" Loki interrupted.
Anthony looked at Loki with surprise and confusion. "I thought you were 1,000 years old? You lied?"
"What would I have to lie for? I didn't see the need to get into the specifics then, I have only been flesh for 1,000 years. I've been around longer than that."  When the confusion didn't leave Anthony's face Loki expanded. "I am not an Asgardian, Vanir, nor am I an AEsir or Jotun. I am a child wrought of chaos."