Irondad and Spiderson 🔵 🕷

Tony centric angst

Tony remembers how his childhood used to be. His heart full of innocence and yearning to discover more, his already genius brain developing quicker and needing more than the mundane lessons, he was given, provided him with.

The only time his brain would be even a sliver closer to satiable, was when he was allowed down to Howard's workshop (or his father's as he dared to call him by that cursed name as a young boy)

But that privilege, as Howard called it, did not come without a price. Yes, Tony would be taught things that kept his brain racing with new information but in payment, he would be tortured by Howard under the illusion of being taught how to be a man.

More precisely a stark man.

"Stark men are made of iron"

That's what Tony was forced to repeat repetitively as he held the soldering iron by the very tip, watching as the skin of his palm glowed red and the stench of burning flesh grew more prominent in the air.

He was only allowed to release it once, he could say the phrase with a face made of stone and not a single grimace or tear in his eye.

Tony remembers how after every night spent with Howard, he would rush to his butler, Jarvis, and cry into his arms, whilst Jarvis would try his best to ease his pain, both the ones on his body and the ones inside his heart. And after every time, when Jarvis would comfort him, Tony would go to sleep, knowing Jarvis was his real father, maybe not biologically but more than the monster who was his actual flesh and blood.

It was one of these moments precisely when Tony decided to never refer to Howard as father or dad ever again. Whether, than be mentally or vocally, he never called the man anything but Howard until his dying day.

Although, Tony decided on this decision, viewing it as blatant cruelty to himself,to refer to a man, who held no ounce of love him as father, it was one of the only times Tony remembers Howard being remotely proud of anything Tony had done in his whole existence.

Imagine that your own parent, being proud of you for no longer referring to them as a name that you would think shows the love and respect you feel for them. It was in that moment when Howard smiled at Tony for calling him "Howard" to his face for the first time, that Tony knew he was never his son.

Tony remembers the first time, Howard raised a hand to him, knocking his head back harshly from a powerful slap to his cheek.

Tony remembers the first time, he wasn't disappointed when he didn't see his father at his Science fair. Finally realising how unimportant he was in Howard's life.

Tony remembers when he found out about the car accident. His parents were dead. Dead. He remembers the pain he felt as he collapsed on to his knees, and being pulled into a tight hug by Rhodey.

Tony remembers standing at the funeral and despite the pain he'd felt all his life from them both, whether that be physical pain or neglect, he remembers the tears cascading down his face without his permission.

He remembers the pain he felt from their death, but nothing compared to the wave of agony he felt tear through his very being, when he found out Jarvis had been in the car with them too.

Jarvis. His butler. His comforter. His friend. His escape. His father.

Tony remembers how he sobbed into Rhodey's shirt, rambling between his tears, as waves of guilt crashed through him. The man he loved more than anything in this world, the man who was the main reason Tony had survived that long was dead and Tony never once told him how much he loved him. Never once told him how much he meant to him and never once told him how much he wished he was his biological father.

Tony remembers everything. I mean he is a genius after all.

Tony understands the pain and the unfairness of his childhood and for that very reason he vowed to himself to never be like Howard. But be what Jarvis was to him.

And as he stood in the penthouse by the window, holding baby Peter Stark in his arms, he whispered his promise to his son.

"I will always love you and do my best every single day to remind you. I'll teach you right and wrong and hold you tight when you cry, because Stark men are made of iron, but iron rusts and thats okay"

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Hey Guys,

I know it's been a while but I was bored and couldn't sleep sooo... you have a new chapter 😁.
I cba to proof read it so if there's any mistakes or areas that don't make sense you can leave a comment and I'll try to fix it.

Hope you guys like it, as it is my first Tony centric angst

Love Honeybee ♡