4:06 - A Tale of Leukemia

Who Am I | Chapter 1

001 | The art of Despondency

Beep

               Beep

Beep

THEY were faint, but they could easily be heard over the noise if you tuned everything else out. Like the kid coughing his lungs out. Or the nurse wheeling an immobile patient across the halls. The mother sobbing for her son who'd just been readmitted to the hospital after falling unconscious in the middle of class.

Or the boy who couldn't help but swing his legs, as he desperately awaited good news.

''Mr. And Mrs. Soleil!' A cheery and upbeat voice called – despite the tense atmosphere – ''Doctor Patrick, will see you both now.''

Boo made a movement to follow his parents, only to halt at the sight of his father's hand. ''This'll be quick.''

The teenager shrugged and slid his headphones back over his ears. Falling in love with the soft tune and melody of the newest 'Sleeping at last' album. Their songs always left him reeling and numb, offering him an escape from reality when he needed it.

The noise faded into the background as he let the ambience take over him.

Rows of houses sound asleep

Only streetlights notice me.

He let his body relax. Humming along to the lyrics, he had learned after keeping the song on repeat for a day.

I am desperate

If nothing else

In a holding pattern to find myself

All too soon the headphones were yanked off his ears--

Huh

''Time to go, bud.''

He took note of his parent's postures. His father -- tensed and stiff, with his bottom-lip caught in between his teeth as he purposefully avoided eye-contact with his son. His mother, slouched . Her usually bright green eyes, tinged with tints of red, and eyebags pronounced that even pounds of her makeup couldn't hide. A clear signification of her tears.

This never meant anything good.

His wandering eyes caught on another pair of eyes. Eyes that seemed to be smiling and greeting him even though his lips weren't.

Boo looked away. Fondling with the beaded bracelet that was loosely strung across his wrist. He barely had enough energy left in him to smile anymore.

He loaded himself into the backseat with a sour expression spread across his face. His parents followed suit, switching on the AC so the car wouldn't be left in a deafening silence.

He was angry with the doctors at the moment. With himself. At everyone who got to live their life Scott-free and hospital-visit free. Not having to worry about having the hospital as their second home, nor having to call up the doctors and nurses like an old friend of theirs. Constantly worrying that their life would never go back to the norm.

''Boo.'' His mother called. Attempting to form a sweet smile, that came out looking more like a grimace.

Dad looked him in the mirror at his silence. Boo bit his lip, afraid of hearing the opposite of what he wanted to hear at the moment.

''Boomer.'' He repeated. In that gravelly voice of his. ''Your mother called you.''

''He's lying.'' Boo spoke for the first time in hours, his voice came out rougher than he'd planned. ''Dr. Patrick, I mean.'' His eyes held distance. ''Everything was fine.''

'' . . . until it was not.'' His mother finished for him with a fresh wave of tears caught in her eyes. ''Honey, you fainted, for Christ's sake!''

''Of course, I fainted! It was during PE. After just completing my twenty-laps around the gym. Did the school tell you that? Huh? That coach Gangues was working us all out to the max.''

''Boo...mon chéri, are you justifying fainting?''

''I'm not sick again, mom. I know my body! And my body tells me that it's fine, and that I just need rest, and that Doctor Patrick is plein de merde,''

''Watch your mouth.'' His father glared, rather harshly. But even Boo could see the woe hidden behind the starry blues. Which confirmed everything he didn't want to be confirmed.

At that moment, he desperately wished he was dead. That he wouldn't have to spend another two years of his life, living in the hospital and isolating himself from people.

As if reading his thoughts -- his mother reached back, and squeezed his thigh. As if assuring 'everything's going to be okay' Which he gravely needed to hear in that very moment.

His father eyed him through the rear-view mirror. ''Dr. Patrick wants to get you back on Doxorubicin as soon as possible -''

No...

''- which means after-school tomorrow, we're driving straight to the Children's Hospital. No exceptions.''

This was really happening. He couldn't believe it. Cancer really was eating away the rest of his life. The Children's Hospital really was going to be his home again.

For the rest of the drive, Boo laid his head back and rested. Because he knew sleeping was far better than being awake.

He wasn't ready.

He wished he could just go to sleep, and never wake back up.

Word really did spread fast across Declan High.

''Your cancer really did relapse?'' Was his greeting on Tuesday. ''I heard rumors, but I wasn't about to trust it without hearing it directly from the source, if it were true or not.'' Teddy exclaimed.

Boo, unloaded his books into his messenger bag all at once. Not without help from his best friend though. ''Yeah. You can visit me and we can hang out together and study. It'll be the same as always.''

Teddy looked hesitant. ''Are you sure, they're going to allow it?''

''Yeah. As long as you don't come any later than 8.'' He zipped his bag up with a struggle, before throwing the strap around his neck and biting his lip painfully.

''I doubt my mom would let me leave the house any later than 8 anyways... do you need help with that?''

''I'm fine.'' Boo snapped at the ginger. Immediately feeling guilty. The diphenhydramine had him feeling prissy. ''Sorry,''

''Nah... it's all good, Boob.'' He looked somewhere over the other's shoulders. ''I guess I'll see you later than?''

''Yeah, definitely.''

With a lingering smile, Teddy faded into a speck of nothingness as he mingled with the crowd. He barely had time to see his parents walk up behind him, until he jumped.

''Ready to go, Boo?''

He exhaled a long... deep sigh. Feeling the exhaustion creep in on him mentally. ''Yeah.''