Twice

The One Who Waited

LIA

I'm lying down on my bed and i'm starting to realize things, how love made me a fool, how waiting makes me desperate, how i became attention seeker when it comes to Ryujin.

In this world, there is now life for me.

I need to retrieve myself, i need to give up now, i need to accept that Ryujin's promised is nothing but a words.

My phone suddenly rings,

"Dr. Lia, i'm sorry--the Kid, your patient died earlier."

As expected, i guess i have no reasons to stay here now. I lay my head upon my pillow and i let it shoulder the tears that is dripping on my face.

*FLASHBACKS*

After Mom and Ryujin talked, Ryujin never deliver the newspaper again.

I went to Ryujin's house, when she opened the door, i instantly lean my head on her shoulder. I can feel her hand rubbing my head, "It's fine, your Mom will soon accept you when she realize things" She whispered.

What is she talking about? I wanna hear her thoughts when i kissed her.

"I like you, Ryujin." I said.

Ryujin sits on her chair and i'm just standing, 

"I can't, i'm sorry, you're different and you still have your Mom, you cared about her and she cares about you and i don't like loving someone secretly also, i just thought we're Friends--" She stopped talking then she's not looking into my eyes, i mean, 

just Friends? 

I sit besides her, "No way, but why are you looking at me like you want me? Why are you smiling when you're with me? This is not real, you're saying this because of what Mom said to you, right? She said something to you, i'm sure of that, i'll come out to her and tell her that you're the Girl i like." I said.

"When are you coming out?" When Ryujin asked that, my world stopped. Because i suddenly saw my future, i saw who am i when i don't have my Mom, i saw myself when i didn't get the job that i'm dreaming of, who's gonna help me? Who's gonna be there to support me?

Is it more important to come out? Or is it more important to have a future first before coming out? So at least Mom can't do anything but to accept me and i can already live without her help that time.

"I don't know when but i will--" Ryujin laughed sarcastically, 

"That's what i'm thinking you would say, there is no assurance, and even if i did like you, it will just hurt me to see you hiding the real you in front of your Mom while you're being real under the shadow of her. Just enjoy what you have now, that's it. I know coming out was not easy that's why i want you to have time with yourself and reconsider things."

"Are you gonna wait for me? Ryujin? I really like you, i mean it." I said.

"I don't know, maybe if you're already done coming out of your clos--" I hold her hand, "Then you mean that you like me and you're just scared to like me back because you're not sure if i can come out to my Mom, right? Then you'll wait for me?" I'm smiling from ear to ear.

She nervously nodded at me.

"Hey--that's no--" She's about to talk but i blocked her mouth with my hand, "My second kiss, it will be when i'm already out." I said.

After that day, we're just smiling at each other outside her house and in School, i'm always stealing looks at her, i'm always telling Yeji that i'm just recording the whole School but i'm actually looking for Ryujin and recording her face. After our School, i'm always coming into her house, i don't know but she's just talking to me normally and she's putting barriers between us then one day, the moment i entered my house,