don't get too attached - matt sturniolo

chapter five

going from being hit in the head with a water bottle to only receiving a wave from nick and a cheesy grin from chris was a welcome change, but it didn't change the fact that the other students were giving me heavy, disappointed stares. it was like they thought of me as a siren, luring these poor, unsuspecting victims into being my friend so i could never mention their names again in three months’ time. they had it wrong. i was the one being assaulted here.

sarah sat down without comment next to me, a novelty for her. i shot her a questioning look.

"you okay?"

"are you?" she asked lowly, not even turning towards me.

"what do you mean by that?"

"everybody's talking about you being with the new kids. someone who lives in the same neighborhood as them said they saw you walking out of their house at like, nine o'clock last night."

"nick and i were working on a project." i replied, an uncomfortable sense of being scrutinized tingling over me.

"you were at their house. you're not supposed to be at their house." she stated flatly. i had never seen sarah like this before, all traces of humor gone, leaving a wary sense of dissatisfaction plastered over her face.

"it was one time," i said, floundering for an excuse. i didn't blame her. as a student body, we were relatively cordial and kind to one another. bullying wasn't really an issue and cliques were few and far between. the only rule to grasp was the one that i had repeatedly broken yesterday.

"one time is one time too much. you know why we don't talk to them. don't string them along, (y/n). it'll just hurt them and you in the end."

i knew that. i did. that was what i had kept telling myself and what i had tried to convey to nick, though i obviously hadn't done a very good job on either count.

"i know," i mumbled, and she gave me a sympathetic smile, as though i was the one to be pitied, and not the boys who would be shunted by every other body in this school. the thought made me shift in my seat, my proximity and interaction making me more cognizant of their struggle.

but maybe this was the wake-up call i needed. now that someone had singled me out and reminded me of the rules, i would be less likely to be swayed. that thought made me feel a tiny bit better.

---

classes ticked by without error, and i was happy to be with people i knew and had known my entire life. i knew they'd be staying and that i could count on them to just...be there. talking to them didn't come with a constant feeling of guilt.

when lunch came around, i willed myself to not look at the very edge of the cafeteria, where a table had been left open for the new kids since the army base had been built. if i didn't make eye contact and just hurried to my seat, it'd be fine.

"(y/n)! over here!"

i froze, my body locking up as i felt every gaze turn upon me. i cast a look to the side, where chris was waving frantically, nick had a sheepish expression aimed towards me, and matt once again was staring down at the floor instead of looking at anyone else.

so now i had a choice. i could either apply sarah's advice (which was really more of a warning), or i could save the dignity of the boys at the table and earn the ire of everyone i knew.

i bit my lip, looking at my normal table, where sarah was staring at me, imploring me to keep walking.

but chris clocked the look and put his hand down slowly, mouth dropping open and an air of isolation settling over him.

i exhaled long and hard through my nose, knowing this decision would pit me against everyone else. and when the triplets left in three months, i'd have to fend for myself.

but seeing chris pick at his food with a frown made that uncomfortable feeling that had started during last night's conversation with nick even stronger.

i walked towards their table with my eyes straight ahead, sitting down without a word. nick opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and just gave me a nod and an appreciative look. chris beamed at me, much brighter than he was before.

and matt took a few seconds to glance up at me, eyebrows raised just a hair, before he noticed me looking and shut down, going back to his food.

"i'm doing you guys a favor, you know," i muttered, face heating as i could still feel everyone else looking at me.

"we know. thank you, for real." nick said, and chris nodded enthusiastically. matt said nothing, but he shrugged, which i took as his way of showing uninterested gratitude.

lunch went by fast, mostly filled with nick and chris bantering and hitting each other constantly (at least i knew that the water bottle wasn't an anomaly), with matt smiling every now and then and then stopping every time he seemed to remember that i was there.

i didn't join in the conversation, but it didn't feel like i was an obstacle. their words surrounded me and brought me in and made me feel like i had been sitting at this table for the whole semester rather than just thirty or so minutes. it was….nice.

"so, (y/n)," chris said with a mouth full of fries before nick clapped a hand over his mouth. chris rolled his eyes and made an exaggerated swallowing sound before continuing. "i just got assigned that same partner project that you did with nick, and i paired up with matt, but neither of us have a clue what to do," here matt broke his awkwardness long enough to snort at chris implying that he wasn't smart enough to do the assignment, "and nick won't help us."

"and i told you that she wouldn't either," nick said, leveling a disapproving look at his brother. chris at least had the grace to look apologetic, but he winked when nick went to throw his tray away. "could you come over and give us pointers? it would make everything go a whole lot faster," he said quickly. i debated the thought. the last time i had been over had led to my best friend giving me a lecture and the entire school branding me as a rulebreaker. what would everyone think if i did the same thing again?

but...they weren't awful to be around. most new kids caught on to the fact that we weren't going to interact with them, and they turned either solemn or aggressive, drawing within themselves or lashing out at everyone, desperate for a reaction.

but nick and chris were engaging and witty and relatively open with me. and while matt wasn't by any means a conversationalist, at least he wasn't outright spurning me like he did yesterday.

i cradled my head in my hand, wondering if this would be selfish. but they were leaving in three months. what harm could one more day be?

"sure," i answered, and chris's grin in return was enough to make me feel better about the whole situation.