don't get too attached - matt sturniolo

chapter sixteen

(a/n: hope y'all enjoy!)

"this feels right," nick murmured, his head burrowed in the side of my neck. i had to agree as i finally let myself go, relaxing into him. chris had his legs thrown over mine while nick had practically turned into a spider monkey as he had wrapped himself around my back. matt, of course, was removed from this particular seating situation, but he wasn't trying to exsanguinate me via death glare.

i was tired of fighting, tired of having an internal tug of war with my heart and mind. it would hurt like hell once they were gone, but i'd rather wallow in pity then play the most mercurial game of hide and seek with my thoughts.

weeks had passed after matt's confrontation with me, and after another day or two of self-pity, i apologized to nick and chris, owning up to my mistakes. they had welcomed me back with open arms, and it was though nothing had ever changed between us, and we picked back up right where we left off.

we dropped the pretense of homework being the reason for hanging out altogether, and i was just so happy to finally not have to worry about anything anymore. my father had completely pulled away from me, my fraternizing with army kids apparently the final straw.

"i don't even know my own daughter anymore," he had muttered before clomping up the stairs, leaving me open-mouthed and staring after him. after all my hard work and dedication at keeping a walking psa out of the hospital doors for years, and this is how it ends. i could've laughed. i could've cried. i could've shouted, screamed, caused a fit the likes of which no one had ever seen. i certainly had the means and the reason to do so.

instead i took a deep breath, pulled out my phone, and texted the only people i knew i could talk to.

🔥the three musketeers (and matt)🔥

(y/n): soooo my dad finally snapped. kinda need a distraction rn

chris 😈: ugh what a dickwad. we'll pick you up in five!!

nick 🦅: omfg that bitch 😡😡 on our way rn, forget five. we'll go get smthn to eat and then watch movies rated under 20% on rotten tomatoes

(y/n): ....really? that's your idea of a pick-me-up?

nick 🦅: are you telling me you're not interested?

(y/n): touché. get here soon!!

matt 👹: driving faster than i should be. stop distracting me.

chris 😈: 🙄🙄🙄

the "smthn to eat" consisted of cheap burgers and greasy fries that sank to the bottom of my stomach with a happy gurgle. i devoured everything in front of me, anger and shame and years of wasted love fueling my hunger.

"dude, she eats more than you." nick whispered to chris, who gave a derisive snort before cheering me on.

that had been about a week ago, but just the memory gave me cause to smile.

and now during our impromptu cuddle session, i felt at peace, weighed down in a way that wasn't a burden, nobody asking anything of me.

"oh shit!" nick shot straight up, leaving to fall with a small "oomph" back on the couch.

"dad said he was gonna take chris and i to go get new suits because we outgrew ours. he's outside."

"fuck," chris moaned as he moved up inch by inch.

"we'll be right back, i swear. it's some important dinner with our parents' colleagues and i completely forgot i'm so sorry i'll make it up to you i swear-" nick babbled until he had left, chris close behind.

silence enshrouded us.

"thank you." he said after a short time. i turned to look at matt, slightly bewildered. he had a wry smile, and he was looking up at the ceiling.

"for what?"

"coming back. part of me thought you wouldn't. part of me hoped you wouldn't."

i rolled my eyes and turned to scroll through my phone before his voice caught me again.

"but most of me hoped that you would."

and with that, he stood up and went upstairs, leaving me open-mouthed and staring.

----

what nick had said wouldn't take him very much time at all had so far taken two hours, dusk encroaching at the very edges of the sky outside the window. i had stayed much later than i thought i was going to, the notion of going home to a father who might as well be absent not appealing to me at all.

matt had come back downstairs, studiously avoiding my eyes but making us both a bowl of spaghetti, which he handed to me without a word.

but those bowls were now empty even after seconds had been distributed, and we were once again sitting in silence, though it wasn't quite as frigid.

"do you want to play war?" i asked suddenly.

"what's that?"

"a game i used to play." i replied, deigning not to elaborate that it was the game that my father had played with me back when my mother had first left, a distraction to last hours before bedtime, his first and last effort to be a father.

"yeah, sure." he got up and led me to the dining room table. i asked him where i could find a standard pack of cards and he searched until he found them. i glossed over the rules and we got to business.

and damn it, he was good. war didn't have a boatload of strategy, but he had enough of it to rake in the first win, throwing me a triumphant smirk that set my nerves on high alert, sweeping in a tingling sensation from the nape of my neck to the tips of my toes.

"i thought you were supposed to be good at this," he said with a wink, the action catching me so off guard that he took the next win without a hitch.

"i...am?" i said, unsure of anything. he laughed before dealing the cards again, his deft fingers thumbing through the cards leaving me with a dry throat.

we went through a few more rounds where i finally found my footing, gaining some of my pride back card by card.

"there she is," he said as i finally won a round, and the next.

"tiebreaker?" i suggested, and he scoffed, as though the very idea of him not winning the final round was insulting.

i sat on the edge of my seat, anticipation hummin through my veins. it was just a game of war, for god's sake, but it might as well have been life or death.

and finally, finally, i won, slapping my card down with a shriek.

"yes!" i cheered, jumping up from my seat. matt huffed a laugh and remained seated, watching me with dizzying attention.

i didn't care, though. i danced around the table, waving my arms and shuffling my feet to a song only i could hear. i turned around at the end of my reverie and flipped him off, sticking my tongue out and giving a succinct, "suck on that, matthew sturniolo!"

when i glanced back up at him, he had a wild grin on his face, his hand just finished carding through his hair so that it flopped into his eyes, and he was leaning back in his seat, appraising me with an amused up-and-down.

"congratulations, (y/n)." he said, his voice pitched low. i let my arms down, crossing them in front of me to distract him from the flustered expression that was no doubt crossing my face.

and that's when we heard the knob turn, and matt and i both dove for the sofas in the living room, grabbing our phones and letting their weak lights set our faces aglow, though mine might as well have been radioactive for the heat coursing through it.

"(y/n) we are so sorry!" nick chimed as he burst in the door, a bag on his arm.

i got up, stretched like i hadn't gotten up in hours.

"it's fine. i gotta get going anyways." i could just feel matt's smirk behind me.

"i hope matt wasn't too much of a problem for you," nick grumbled, obviously feeling bad. i ruffled his hair and gave chris a quick side hug before bounding down the stairs.

"oh, he was just fine."