Cheesy Movie | ONC translation

Finale- finale

"Will you be so kind as to come with us, gentlemen?" Said the heavily armed police officer who had burst into the meeting room and interrupted Arnošt's negotiations with the investors before the lawyers could find a clause that would allow them to dismiss Arnošt with impunity and without compensation, based solely on the completely objective awkwardness with which he presented his non-existent project to them.

"What happened?" Arnošt said in annoyance, who, although he wanted nothing so much as to end this meeting , felt somewhat insulted that no one would even let him finish his thought.

"We can't tell you that. We must not reveal the details of the ongoing investigation. We may only reveal to you that there has been a murder in the building. The bodies of two men were found in the elevator. We don't know yet whether it was premeditated murder or mansluaghter, and there is a small possibility that it was a terrorist attack, so we would-"

Nothing needed to be added after the words 'terrorist attack'. Everyone present rose from the table as one man and lined up at the door with more discipline than the average military regiment.

If there's one thing no one ever wants, it's terrorist attacks. Premeditated murder often benefits everyone, murder of passion is completely harmless to the uninvolved, but terrorism? The mere mention that such a thing might be imminent will make a model citizen out of even a staunch opponent of all rules.

However, Arnošt had a thought in his head even more terrifying than that, that a blood-thirsty group of suicide bombers could be hiding in the building...

What if it was Láďa...

And what was worse, unlike a terrorist attack, which, according to the police officer, was very unlikely, it was almost certain that Láďa had caused this tragedy. Well, tell me, wouldn't it be an incredible coincidence if another psychopath with a gun ended up committing such an act in Láďa's presence?

And so all Arnošt could think of, as the police and the Chief Investor and his retinue of lawyers led him up the stairs to the ground floor, was how he would soon be moved from the box of innocent, stressed-out witnesses to the box of scabby criminals, because they would find out that he had invited the mad killer here, and had also entrusted him with the young girl he was supposed to protect...

Damn it! Lola!

Arnošt suddenly remembered that his insufferable colleague was somehow missing and that if this was really an attack by some criminal organization and Lola was going to die here, his employer would definitely not pay him any bonuses this year.

Therefore, when they were about on the third floor, Arnošt turned to the policeman who was closing this bizarre parade of stressed  lawyers (who, it must be added, hadn't even in this situation stopped their furious study of law books and were already thinking of a strategy to use to convict possible terrorists).

"Sir, there is a friend of mine left on the tenth floor. She's probably in the ladies' room. Could you please evacuate her too?"

The policeman in question cast a disbelieving glance at the many stairs he would have to climb to get back up to the tenth floor, reconsidered his origin and his intention to handle the matter personally, and preferred to hand it over to his colleague who had remained on the top floor and was patrolling the corridor... which meant he had gone to the vending machine next to the director's office to do his shopping, but in any case he was on the right floor.

Then, when Arnošt delegated his worries with Lola to someone else, he could devote himself fully to his worries with Láďa.

That wasn't ideal either, but if he had to choose to whom to devote all his thoughts Láďa clearly won over Lola. At least the thought of him didn't make Arnošt want to jump into the elevator shaft.

Therefore, when they finally reached the ground floor and Arnošt seemed to see the open elevator door and the dim outlines of two corpses behind it, he actually felt relieved that, whatever the case, he would be rid of this terrible uncertainty.

And so it did. For the uncertainty was replaced by the surprise of knowing that, in addition to the two murdered in the elevator, of whom he knew, there was also a redundant corpse lying in the lobby, of which no one had told him anything.

And his surprise was all the greater when he recognized in the distorted features of the new dead man the face of the man who had knocked on the door of Lord's apartment only seconds after the unfortunate incident with the sea serpent and the piranhas.

Arnošt didn't even have time to ponder the reason why the poor man had ended up the way he had when he discovered that one of the dead bodies in the elevator belonged to Láďa.

So he was involved...

Just not quite the way Arnošt originally thought.

And, although it didn't put Arnošt in a very good light, he liked the scenario in which Láďa wasn't the killer but, it seemed, one of the participants in the failed duel much better.

Wait... a scenario? A duel? I mean, he doesn't need the desert or cowboys to write such a story! He'll just let his main characters have a duel in an elevator! And if he throws in the fish enthusiast meeting, it's a decent B-plot!

Arnošt walked out of the building into the light.

The noonday rays lit up his face and gave him hope that despite all the bad luck that had been clinging to his heels lately, he could still come out of this incident a winner!

After all, in summary, unlike others, he had not fallen victim to piranhas, madmen in the elevator, or inexperienced police officers, and had made considerable progress in his script since that morning. Fate was even kind enough to him to interrupt his meeting with the investors and give him time to finish his work!

Ah! After all, the world was so beautiful! Arnošt felt pure euphoric joy slowly rising into his mind... and he didn't even have to take a sip of vodka. What made him happy was this beautiful day, the wonderful fresh breeze, the beautiful friendly streets and-

BOOM!...

Suddenly, the happy expression on Arnošt's face was replaced by another grin of disgust and shock. This was the height of insolence, what fate was daring today...

Suddenly, without any warning, Lola's body descended right in front of him.

The police officers who had accompanied Arnošt and the investors looked up at the sky in confusion, as if they were beginning to consider rethinking their skepticism about the existence of aliens, and attributing Lola's abduction and subsequent murder to these new enemies, because really, anything was possible in this situation.

And so, despite the fact that this event, made even one die-hard atheist police officer make the sign of cross with his trembling arms, you know, just to be safe..., the head of the investigation tried to maintain the impression that they had the whole situation under control.

Therefore, before promptly herding his witnesses into police cars and driving them to the safety of the police station, he murmured uncertainly, "This happens to us every day, don't worry. Don't look there and continue to the car."