Cheesy Movie | ONC translation

Epilogue

Do you know how long it takes to make an average B-movie?

Well, I don't know if Arnošt's creation could be classified as an average film; rather, it was a film that harshly denigrated even the label "pitiful", but we'll let the critics judge that.

What interests us is that Arnošt attended the premiere of this shameful parade of cinematic clichés a month after his tragic meeting with his investors.

Yes, it took Arnošt only twenty-five days to write the script, shoot the scenes, and produce the special effects for his film, which was titled 'Two Men in an Elevator', and it looked accordingly.

But the Chief investor couldn't care less. He saw only the numbers, and when he subtracted the minimum expenditure from the average theatre occupancy on opening night, he came to the clear conclusion that making B-movies was indeed worthwhile.

That's why he didn't even let poor Arnošt enjoy the nice attention of the aspiring actresses at the post-premiere party and already dragged him to his office to work out the details of their future collaboration.

"Mr. Veselý, you really surprised me." Said the now slightly inebriated Chief Investor jovially, ushering Arnošt into a darkened room filled with various theatrical and film props. "I wasn't expecting anything on this level from you. You've always been a good B-movie director, but this has had its moments that actually were watchable."

Arnošt, whose hopes had dawned that maybe he'd be promoted to something less menial than B-movie director, didn't even look around the shabby museum of B-movie flops and sat straight down across the table from the Chief Investor.

"I'm so glad." Arnošt breathed gratefully. "You know, I've always had this dream about the theater. Maybe Shakespeare and-"

"Yeah, that's nice." The Chief Investor interrupted him disinterestedly, and then with one sentence crushed Arnošt's dreams like a child would crush a fragile snail shell with the squeeze of a fist. "The next script should have even more action. Like the scene in today's movie... the two goons shooting each other in the elevator, that was a blast! And it's even better knowing that it actually happened. Keep it up! Take inspiration from your own life, it obviously works! So... yeah, the elevator scene was great. I'd like to see more action like that in there!"

Suddenly a pall of mourning fell over Arnošt's soul, as if someone had pointed a gun at his head...

Which really happened at that moment, only Arnošt didn't know it yet.

For a window had just opened in the building across the street, and the barrel of a sniper rifle appeared, pointing straight into the middle of Arnošt's forehead.

And this dangerous weapon was in the hands of none other than Mr. Silent's successor, and consequently Láďa's, who had been ordered by Lord's successor to get rid of Arnošt because he didn't like the fact that his predecessor's life had become the subject of a film... and such an amateur film at that.

If he was going to give away the secrets of their organization, it should have some class, shouldn't it?

Anyway, this sniper made himself comfortable by the window, leaned his gun against the sill, waited for the opportune moment, and watched Arnošt, who almost shed a few tears in sheer frustration.

"Wha... what?" Robert stammered, throwing the Chief Investor a reproachful look.

"What what? You're making another movie! Congratulations!" laughed the Chief Investor, patting Arnošt on the shoulder.

"Hooray..." sighed Arnošt in defeat and lowered his gaze to the ground.

And as if fate didn't think it had put Arnošt through enough trouble, it threw another inconvenience at him.

An inconvenience which the Chief Investor was now very willing to present to him.

"Yes! I almost forgot!" The Chief Investor said fervently, snapping his fingers. "I have someone to introduce you to."

He then rose from the table, motioned with his hand towards the back of the room, drawing Arnošt's attention to the sleeping man collapsed on one of the discarded theater chairs, whom Arnošt had not yet noticed due to his agitation, and said cheerfully, "Mr. Veselý, I present to you the lead actor of your future film... he may have a bit of a drinking problem, but otherwise he's a great guy. There won't be any problems with him."

"How's it goin'?" the aforementioned drunkard greeted Arnošt and waved at him... nearly falling off his chair and hitting his head on a low marble table.

And this was the man Arnošt was going to be responsible for for the next few months...

Arnošt sighed in devastation and waved back a little embarrassed at the man who was to suck all the joy out of his life for the next few months.

But that was Arnošt's life...

He was caught between an assassin he knew nothing about and a self-destructive actor he knew too much about,...

making another fucking cheesy movie.

THE END