"Uhm.. Sir? Can I help you?" I mumble while staring at him.
He breaks out into a huge grin, the kind of grin you see on little kids when they get their favorite toy.
He reaches out to me, and I start to fall backwards trying to move away. He latch...
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I woke later in the night with the memories from hours ago haunting me. Quickly squirming out of Ryder's grip, I speed walked into the bathroom as the feeling of sickness settled in my stomach.
Dropping to my knees at the toilet I emptied the contents of my stomach while tears poured from my eyes.
To say I am feeling regret would be an understatement. Part of me cannot fathom what had occurred last night. I truly never expected myself to be capable of such unhinged rage and violence.
It was almost as if I was possessed, losing all control of myself. A thought that scares me even more, is what if I didn't lose control of myself. What if who I was last night, is who I truly am.
It feels like a war is being waged in my mind, as I slowly lose my sanity. Two sides of myself fighting, and me not knowing which one is the real me.
Is he making me into a new person, or is he just bringing out who I've always been deep down? Would I have behaved like this if I was put in different situations before meeting him?
At the same time, I feel like I am attempting to remove blame from myself by continuing to think this is not me and just who I am becoming. That it was something uncontrollable.
I could have stopped myself. I just didn't want to. I need to accept that. There is no excuse for the actions I committed.
Rising from the floor, I rinse my mouth out, then lean on the sink. I take a few moments to breathe before finally collecting myself and walking out the bathroom.
Looking at the bed, I see Ryder still fast asleep. I then turn and look at the door. I really would like some fresh air, and he's asleep. I'll step out for two seconds then come back in.
Tiptoeing towards the door, I feel my heart start to race, and sweat forms on my skin. I can hear my breaths coming out fast and shallow.
I reach a trembling hand up, sliding the lock open, before quickly turning to see if he's still asleep. Once I see he is, I grab the handle, take a deep breath, and turn the knob.
I pull the door open quietly, as I feel the breeze hit my face. I take a moment to take this in, inhaling the fresh air, a smile on my face.
As I am about to put a foot forward, my hair is ripped backwards and the door is slammed shut. I hit the ground hard, my body sliding backwards, as I look up at a fuming Ryder.
His nostrils flared, his cheeks tinted red, his chest rising and falling quickly, with a snarl on his face.
My body starts trembling to the point I fear I might pass out. I fear I might even just have a heart attack and die cause there's no way my body can handle the terror coursing through it.
